Would you want your DDs to marry someone like your DH?

[Anglophone]

I love DH to bits but since have DD (14 months) he - like many it seems on here - has shown a shit side. I know that first year or so of having children is full of stress, over tiredness etc. but there have been a few occasions where honestly, he has lost every inch of respect he has gained as a pretty amazing husband over the last 10 years.

We have thankfully resolved most of these issues and he is being infinitely better with DD and with me. Although in the back of my mind I still resent the period where he wasn’t a supportive husband and the times he wasn’t the best father.

It got me thinking, honestly, deep down I’d never tell DD to marry someone like DH. I want better for her. The best in fact.

I am wondering if other women feel the same, not being super ‘unhappy’ with their husbands and definitely not unhappy enough to leave but wouldn’t want their daughters (or sons!) to marry someone like them in an ideal world.

Absolutely one million % yes!

Same here.

Yes absolutely. But he's not their father and they are both in established relationships with no prospect of marriage on the horizon.... so no point even in thinking about it!

Yes I would, absolutely.

How would your DD see into the future to know that her potential husband would struggle with new fatherhood?? If your DH was great for the first 10 years and is now working on whatever issues he’s had adjusting to being a father he sounds like one of the good ones.
Nobody is perfect and no marriage is without issues.

Absolutely, but he’s not her Dad. If I thought she was heading towards a selfish, self-obsessed bore like her Dad I’d warn her off.

Absolutely - and a regularly tell my 2 teenage DDs this, when they are swooning over good looking but awful boys, as my DH was definitely one of the geeks in high school, but is an awesome husband /adult 😂

Yes! My husband is lovely.

Dh is an excellent team mate, prioritises dd and does his fair share around the house, he's generous, loving and kind. Don't get me wrong, he's been an utter dickhead during our decades together but the vast majority of the time he's been really supportive. We both agree big decisions, generally communicate well and give each other space and freedom to do what we want.

I encourage her to find someone who smudges her lipstick not her mascara and brings her joy.

Absolutely. Hopefully he sets the standard she will accept.

Definitely not. But they'd have no way of knowing...My husband was wonderful until fatherhood brought out unresolved issues from his own childhood which he's taken out on me. Unfortunately you can't know someone has deeply buried shit and that they won't be able to work through it before they destroy your marriage with hostility, disrespect and fear.

100% yes

I have no DD, but I did marry someone very similar to my own father, so the example may be relevant.

My mother was very honest about her relationship with my father (they were married for 56 years until his death, but it was not the happiest of marriages), and I was very aware of my father's faults (nothing 'abusive' but still quite negative).

I often wonder if I married a man who had similar traits to my father because I was familiar with that sort of man.

Therefore, perhaps we cannot determine who our offspring marry, but our own marriage/partnership may very well influence our children's choice, perhaps in unexpected ways.

In the main yes. Hopefully she'd be a bit firmer than me in some ways (my DH can't see what's at the end of his nose sometimes).

Absolutely not.

i don’t have daughters, but I do have sons.

If they ever get married I hope 100% they will be EXACTLY the same type of husband that their dad is to me 🤞

Yes! But her own husband suits her and their children. However, thinking about it, both men are honest, loyal, kind, sensible with money, hardworking, intelligent, musical, have standards, like children - and can be a lot of fun.

Same.

I was thinking depends on the day/week.😆

I wouldn’t want my DD to marry at all. I would much prefer her to have her own money and be self sufficient and not to have to be legally enmeshed with a man at all. Cohabitation and children with them fine but you always have to be able to get out with your money.

Yup definitely

Oh lord yes - I'd be chuffed to little mintballs if DD's had DH's like mine!

I definitely want my children to end up with someone like their dad

I’d be happy if our son or daughter ended up marrying someone like their Papa if they grow up to think marriage is for them.

No, I'd want her to marry someone who can manage their emotions better. Someone who is not emotionally stunted from teenage trauma where she doesn't feel the need to "fix" them.
However I hope she recognises the love there and uses that as a base on what is acceptable. How she should be treated. He loves fiercely - that's the best part.

My step daughter with some horror said the other day ‘fuck I’m going out with my dad aren’t I?’ After her boyfriend and her dad bonded over some obscure music.

he’s a lovely lad, very polite, funny, caring and responsible. She’s done well.