Would you want your DDs to marry someone like your DH?

[Anglophone]

I love DH to bits but since have DD (14 months) he - like many it seems on here - has shown a shit side. I know that first year or so of having children is full of stress, over tiredness etc. but there have been a few occasions where honestly, he has lost every inch of respect he has gained as a pretty amazing husband over the last 10 years.

We have thankfully resolved most of these issues and he is being infinitely better with DD and with me. Although in the back of my mind I still resent the period where he wasn’t a supportive husband and the times he wasn’t the best father.

It got me thinking, honestly, deep down I’d never tell DD to marry someone like DH. I want better for her. The best in fact.

I am wondering if other women feel the same, not being super ‘unhappy’ with their husbands and definitely not unhappy enough to leave but wouldn’t want their daughters (or sons!) to marry someone like them in an ideal world.

Most definitely!

Yes absolutely. He's funny, warm, has integrity up to the eyeballs and works hard.

My DH has lots of lovely qualities and can be very thoughtful, funny and helpful - but it was only after DD was born that some of his less appealing personality qualities became apparent. Up to that point he'd never been anything but lovely so I had no way of knowing, and we were 5 years in by then. We are together still, and get on very well and love each other, but we've weathered some absolute shit storms to get here, including him cheating on me. So although it feels like we've reached a happy place of mutual respect and love now, would I put myself through it all again if I could turn back the clock? I don't know. And would I tell DD to marry somebody like him? Probably not, but she is much more switched on than I was at her age and she's already cottoned on to his ways (impatient, highly strung etc), so I'm hoping she will pick wisely. No human on earth is perfect, I know I'm not either.

I would be delighted if my children married or had a DH like their father.
He is intelligent, kind,calm, empathetic, sociable and hardworking.
I made good a choice and we have grown together. We talk and make a good partnership.

After giving birth there are big adjustments emotionally and physically for both parents. Give him time.

Oh definitely, give it a year or so and I’ll most likely not remember most of them! I think the issue is he went from such an amazing husband to, in my view, a really shit one in a short space of time so it noticed more!

I don’t have any daughters, so difficult to say, I suppose.

But based on what I currently know, feel etc.? Yes, I think I absolutely would.

I don’t have daughters and we are divorcing … so that would definitely be a no to the hypothetical situation. I wouldn’t want my sons to marry someone like my husband either.

I think my girl would need someone with a different personality type, but otherwise absolutely I'd love her to find someone as good as her father.

I don’t have daughters, but I would be so proud of my sons grew up to be as brilliant a partner/husband as their dad is. He contributes equally to the household (in terms of chores etc) and supports me endlessly. He shows our ds everyday how men should treat women and I hope they grow up to do the same (if they choose to marry a woman).

Yes, I would. DH has always been gentle, kind, patient, funny and loyal, as well as being intelligent, hard working, ambitious and successful. He's also very even-tempered, which matters hugely to me as I grew up in a volatile household. Giving birth does change your relationship and it felt a bit more 'functional' when the dc were very tiny, but in 25 years I have never for a moment doubted my choice. I would love dd to end up with someone with the same qualities as him. (He's absolutely crap at DIY and doesn't have a practical bone in his body though!)

Yes

We’ve had our moments but he’s a good model for a partner who takes 50% of the load

Yes. Though I often wonder how I got this lucky and worry she won't find one like him.

Yes. He's a lovely man and a lovely Dad. Hairy back though.

Yes definitely.

Because I know not all men are like that and so does she. She does have positive male role models in her life luckily
Obviously it will be up to her if she decides not to date again but hopefully her prick of an ex won't keep influencing her life choices.
Ultimately I'd love her to stay at home so she doesn't get hurt but I don't think it's realistic (or healthy( to expect an 18 year old to sit at home every night

Yes. He's not perfect, but nor am I, nor is she - nobody is. But he is a fantastic husband and father and we are all so lucky to have him.

I'd never want my DD to marry someone like her father, but I'd be very happy for her to marry someone like Mr Pony. Fortunately she seems to be much more hard-headed than I am, and has dumped several boyfriends for not measuring up to her standards!

Not in a million years.

I'd be absolutely delighted!

Yes, undoubtedly. My DH has all the qualities I could wish for in a partner for my DD - level-headed yet passionate, incredible in a crisis, knows how to have fun, makes me laugh, awesome cook, pulls his weight around the house, hard-working, emotionally intelligent, puts his family first...terrible dandruff but no one's perfect.

Oh my what a question. I honestly wished I had not read it.

Sadly although my DH is a loyal and reliable husband I would not want my DDs to marry someone similar. I feel dreadful writing that.

I’d be delighted if my daughter married a man like my husband. He’s fab. Bugs the hell out of me occasionally but for the most part, he’s great. She’d be lucky to find someone like him.

Yep, he’s an awesome human, great husband and a fantastic dad. He consistently models what an equal, respectful and loving relationship looks like in a way that has influenced our dc and helped them set a healthy bar for how they expect to be treated by their own partners. He’s a good ‘un.

Definitely not. I'll say to my DCs - don't ever marry someone with depressive tendencies as it takes its toll on the family. They know that already though

I would caution them against the marriage part if I were asked. But if they chose to partner with someone with values like their father’s (my partner’s), I’d be happy.