Would you want your DDs to marry someone like your DH?

[Anglophone]

I love DH to bits but since have DD (14 months) he - like many it seems on here - has shown a shit side. I know that first year or so of having children is full of stress, over tiredness etc. but there have been a few occasions where honestly, he has lost every inch of respect he has gained as a pretty amazing husband over the last 10 years.

We have thankfully resolved most of these issues and he is being infinitely better with DD and with me. Although in the back of my mind I still resent the period where he wasn’t a supportive husband and the times he wasn’t the best father.

It got me thinking, honestly, deep down I’d never tell DD to marry someone like DH. I want better for her. The best in fact.

I am wondering if other women feel the same, not being super ‘unhappy’ with their husbands and definitely not unhappy enough to leave but wouldn’t want their daughters (or sons!) to marry someone like them in an ideal world.

Absolutely not - and thankfully they haven’t.

I hope so he's great.

My Dad and DH are extremely similar.

What strikes me so much in this thread is how many men are great, equal partners until the reality of how hard raising a child is and then they default to expecting the woman to do more of the work raising a child than they do.

There’s also a lot of people here saying that their DH let them down in some ways but “nobody is perfect”. I would love to know if these men would be as forgiving if their partner was the one insisting on more than their share of lie-ins. It’s absolutely true that women make men’s lives significantly easier.

Do they feel the same about their father?

And you’re still married to him?

What a hellish life that must be 🌷

100000000% No!

I'd be over the moon if they married someone like my late dh. Only thing is I'd want their dhs to live much longer than he did.

I wouldn't want my DD to marry someone like her father (my ExH). He's abusive. I would hope she meets someone as lovely as my DP though.

Yes absolutely. He is very like my father in values and attitudes though (very different otherwise). My sister also married a man with my dad's values. My BIL is very different from my own husband but is similarly a good man and good father.

Yes. He is a really good man, good husband and dad.

No

She told me, my Mum.
She said to me before we got married "oh he's so like your Dad"
She was warning me and I didn't listen🤣.

We've been married for 42 years and the good definitely outweighs the bad but he can be such a miserable, negative sod at times (unjustifiably in my opinion) and it could have been fantastic. He doesn't see it though. He thinks my Dad's dreadful and can't see that he turned into him🥴🥴

Not in a million years. She and I are entirely different personalities and are made happy by different qualities and able to tolerate different faults. She would not be suited to a man like my DP.
The perfect man that would be a great partner for every woman does not exist. Obviously there are some base line traits that would need to be in place, a core decency, but after that, we all have our own ideas of what we want.

Wholeheartedly yes. Without being a daddy’s girl, she admired as well as loved her late dad. I have no doubt he set the bar for what a husband/partner should be.