To think this woman shouldn’t have interfered in the restaurant?

[Goldenrainbows]

We are away at the moment and went to eat last night in a family pub with an indoor play area which seemed to get my ds (3) a bit hyper. He’s normally really good in restaurants but was admittedly being really silly and swinging back on his chair and running off and not eating. I was doing my best to deal with it.

It really wasn’t helped by a woman sitting at the table behind us who kept interfering and shrieking ‘he’ll fall!’ every time he was swinging on his chair and making comments about him and us. I don’t think it was coming from a bad place but AIBU in thinking it really wasn’t appropriate? It was stressful and meant we couldn’t deal with DS properly as she was taking our attention. (By the way ds was far from the only badly behaved child there.)

Can you imagine having to work in one of these places??? Being surrounded by it for a full shift! The staff in these carvery/play places deserve a medal.

The lady had seen your ineffectual parenting and was concerned that you were not taking the risk of injury seriously enough so was keeping an eye on him. That inevitably disrupted her meal. No doubt with tables spaced widely he was making sufficient fuss to have alerted other diners not just her.

If your attempts to stop him were just gently saying to him please stop (or similar) and it was making no difference you should be able to see why she was concerned at the possibility of it escalating to him getting injured.

You'd paid so you could have just left and tried again when your ds is able to cope with that environment.

It's an assumption that the OP is in the UK, which if she is would mean she absolutely is in Europe.

Obviously the OP is free to correct if she is located on any other continent.

Really makes me laugh when people think Brexit means we're no longer in Europe.
Did you actually understand what you voted for?

Having read the comment that it was child friendly with soft play I think she must have expected young kids. I can assure you all these parents commenting aren’t perfect and have had incidents in public. He is 3, and there’s soft play right there. Hope you’re ok OP, parenting 3yr olds isn’t easy

Well - if he was "being really silly and swinging back on his chair and running off and not eating", sounds like he was a risk to himself and others. You clearly weren't doing your best as you could have taken him out

The woman sounds like a dick. She should have kept her nose out or not chosen to eat in a family pub with an indoor play area.

I know this woman seems intrusive, and she’d have got my hackles up too, but when my kids misbehaved DH or I removed them. They would be taken outside and spoken to and only brought back in once they understood what was expected of them. If they continued to misbehave, we’d leave. If we hadn’t eaten yet, we asked pub/restaurant to box our meal and ate it at home/hotel room, and DC was made very clear that their behaviour was unacceptable and that they would not be having paw patrol etc.

Other people do not pay to have their meals accompanied by my misbehaving children. It only happened once that they were removed and we left entirely, but the lesson was learned. We often had people comment on how well behaved our children were (aided by a mummy bag of games/colouring books etc) but it took hard work.

You're 'a bit baffled that it's okay to behave as she did'? Really? I bet she was more than a bit baffled that you were ineffectively parenting your child. In a restaurant. Leaving him to distract other diners and affect the enjoyment of their meals. That's not doing your best, as you say.

In your own posts, you've gone from 'he's normally really good in restaurants' to 'I can't control him at all' and your sighing hope that others would just ignore your parenting fail and let you eat your meal while he ruined everyone else's meal.

And, no, you don't get to decide he didn't ruin t his woman's meal. I'd have been cross, too, and I have 3 children (now teens) of my own. When a child is running around a restaurant and swinging on chairs nearby, it's distracting and and concerning as you recognise that they may come too close to your own chair/food/server carrying things near you. I have seen poorly behaved children in restaurants knock into other people and spill things. I know of a poorly behaved child who knocked someone's hot drink over and down their own arm in the process at a cafe. Their parents were of the 'gentle parenting ilk' which isn't actually parenting by so many these days.

Sadly I have experienced the life changing injuries of a child who fell from swinging on a chair (as a professional).

You know that you should have removed your child as soon as they were raising the attention of any other diners and/or putting themselves at harm by their behaviour .

Of course this thread is full of the MN perfect parents with angelic children.

''@IBegYourBiggestPardon
We're in bloody Europe.
Erm no we aren't!!''

Sigh...

Brexit does not change basic geography.

The UK is and will always be a Western European country. The EU is a political and economic union.

I was and am by no means a perfect parent. But that doesn't mean I don't recognise a parent who isn't actually parenting their child effectively and allowing it to impact upon others in public.

@IBegYourBiggestPardon

I’ll give you a clue if it helps. The continent begins with E.

I'm sure you spend your life sneering at other peoples parenting. Most on MN do.

That would ruin my meal and would have told you to sort your child out tbh.

I used to take my kids to these food/play area places when small meant I could eat they could play and it wasn’t too full on, I’d sit as near to the play area as possible, usually in the area if there were seats. When food came (which is usually v basic and not amazing) the rule was they came to eat then returned once finished. But it was usually chaos birthday parties etc kids running about high on slushies.

They aren’t really the places for getting kids to sit and eat and behave as it’s too stimulating for most kids. Now they are too old for those sorts of places, I did my time and now my kids happily sit quietly at a normal table and behave - I don’t darken the door of those places anymore (I have 4 boys so did my time) I doubt anyone goes there for ‘a nice child free meal’ lol I think you were just embarrassed by the woman’s interference and wanted to eat and get out, live and learn he’s 3 you will get there,

No you wouldn't.

if I wanted a nice quiet grown up dinner, the last place I'd go is a child friendly pub with an indoor play area.

a family pub with an indoor play area which seemed to get my ds (3) a bit hyper.

This is one of the many reasons I’d never go to a place like this, kids or not. I think they make it much harder for children to behave- it’s confusing to be somewhere they feel they can play freely and then suddenly be expected to sit quietly, the switch is too sudden.

That’s not to say OP couldn’t also have done more. But IME it’s actually easier in a restaurant which isn’t aimed specifically at children, as they are much better at reading the cues about behaviour when they are consistent- this is somewhere we sit down, are calm, talk quietly etc.

Or… the child’s behaviour was much more disruptive than the OP thinks/is describing. We’ve no way of knowing for sure.

Personally, I am inclined to think that the parent who doesn’t ensure that their 3 year old can’t swing on their chair repeatedly is probably not aware of a lot of other elements of their child’s behaviour that are irritating and disturbing other diners (e.g. they were shouting/screeching - “but they’re only 3, all 3 year olds do that”, etc.)

So many parents now seem to think that because something is developmentally normal it shouldn’t be corrected or prevented. Then they wonder why they have an older child who behaves poorly at school or home. Just telling a 3 year old to stop swinging on their chair won’t work because they’re mostly not developmentally able to act on that instruction - it’s always better to phrase it with what you want them to do, not what you want them not to do, in any case (“Keep all the chair legs on the ground”, even “Sitting nicely, thank you” is better). More importantly, you have to actually stop them (arm on the chair, sit them on your lap, take them away from the table if that doesn’t work). Then they will know that when you say “We need to keep all the chair legs on the ground”, you mean it.

OP, if you can’t control your 3 year old now, you’re potentially going to have big problems in a few years time. You absolutely can control any 3 year old. Ultimately, if he doesn’t do what you expect then you (as gently, calmly and kindly as possible, while explaining what you’re doing and why) pick him up and remove him from the situation. He has to know that you are in control, both for his behaviour and development and for his long-term happiness. If you can’t pick him up (disability/health issues), then it’s harder but you need an equivalent strategy.

I definitely would

It's broken Briton, the child will end up in a young offenders institute, blah,blah and all the other sanctimonious crap people on MN come out with.All because a 3 year old was being a 3 year old.

I wonder if it was deliberate on her part.

Your sons behaviour was ruining her evening so she ruined yours.

Fyi, I dont know what doing your best looks like but as others have said, it would have been more effective to warn him once in a kind voice, second time in a stent voice with the threat of a consequence and thirdly taking him outside until he was calm.

Repeatedly asking a child not to do something is not effective parenting and if you arent making it clear when he is young then you will have a much harder time as he gets older and receives the message that you and DH wont enforce boundaries. Think about it....why should he stop swinging his chair, you won't make him. He can do what he wants.

You may not be the type to call out behaviour that is inappropriate but don’t think other people are the same.