To think this woman shouldn’t have interfered in the restaurant?

[Goldenrainbows]

We are away at the moment and went to eat last night in a family pub with an indoor play area which seemed to get my ds (3) a bit hyper. He’s normally really good in restaurants but was admittedly being really silly and swinging back on his chair and running off and not eating. I was doing my best to deal with it.

It really wasn’t helped by a woman sitting at the table behind us who kept interfering and shrieking ‘he’ll fall!’ every time he was swinging on his chair and making comments about him and us. I don’t think it was coming from a bad place but AIBU in thinking it really wasn’t appropriate? It was stressful and meant we couldn’t deal with DS properly as she was taking our attention. (By the way ds was far from the only badly behaved child there.)

No. Your lack of parenting ruined her meal. I expect people to deal with their children when I'm out eating, which is rare, so a treat.

See, I have 3 children, all older now. My middle child was such a nightmare it taught me never to judge another parent unless their kid is juggling knives or smoking crack or something. I do notice kids being a bit OTT, but I just ignore it. What I also notice is a parent doing their best, and likely getting agitated. Because I remember being that parent, and doing my best, and feeling like the whole world was watching, and judging.

Once I could not use a pool on holiday because all day every day a couple drank beer and sunbathed, ignoring a toddler pottering about. Even in and out of the water. I could not relax as I was so worried about her.

It’s not about being some sort of wonderful parent. It’s about doing basics to keep your child safe.

swinging on a chair is dangerous. Running in a restaurant is dangerous. Adults responsible for the child should step in and stop these things.

So many poster on here seem to think a family friendly pub means kids are allowed to run around feral like they do in a soft play. It doesn't.

It means they are providing a service which is family friendly - kid friendly meals and drinks, kid friendly seating/high chairs, hot water for baby formula, perhaps a small play area or crayons to draw with at the table.

You are still expected to parent your child and ensure their behaviour is appropriate for a public place.

Posts like this are just silly and fail to show what the poster thinks they do.

No one is claiming that their children never misbehaved (mine are older now so it's only appropriate to use the past tense for me).

But that they explained the expectations, took appropriate activites to reduce boredom reminded their children of the expectations once/twice and then removed the children if they refused or were unable to behave appropriately for the context for whatever reason.

Thats the parenting bit.

No one has claimed to have children that never misbehaved. But I only found it necessary to remove my children once or twice when they were very young before they learnt.

Children learn the opposite too. Some children learn that their parents won't remove them or that "No" doesn't actually mean they have to stop because their parent will say "No" on repeat and eventually give up in defeat.

The woman was alerted by your child's unruly behaviour.

It doesn't matter whether it was a family restaurant or not, your child was needing your extra attention.
If you couldn't quickly ask DC to sit and behave well, you orthe child's father should have got up and left with DC.
Your meals could have been packaged.

You made it harder for next time.

My daughter, for example, responded very well to a 3, 2, 1 countdown.

It got to the point that I could stand on the other side of a crowded room and just hold up 3 fingers and she would stop whatever she was doing that she shouldn't be. I didn't need to say a word. She always got a smile and a thumbs up when she did

She was 5 at that point.

How did her comments stop you controlling your kid?

Our two and a half year old couldn’t be more badly behaved, when shes a bugger she’s removed from the situation, I had to leave two paid for lunches out this week as I had an actual demon in the highchair.

Next time, give her the daggers to get her to shut up and get your little boy, sit him on your knee and do the under your breath warning voice and keep hold of him on your knee til he settles down and can be trusted to sit.

"He’d have been whipped outside to calm down"

There's a joke here, but 12 pages in I bet someone's beaten me to it 😂

'Family/child friendly' does not equate to 'Your kids can run riot here'.

Lol. All the perfect parents on this thread.

‘ruined her evening’. Bit extreme.

She sounds nosy and I’d tell her to mind her own business

I’m sorry but I don’t see you as having high standards. You said he was running / swinging on his chair - I would never see that as ok and myself and my kids have adhd so know it can be tricky to sit still. People don’t walk around restaurants with plates being able to see small children running about. It’s an accident waiting to happen I don’t get why you don’t see that. If you want to put your child and others in possible harms way we can’t really stop you - but you asked the question and 84% of people have said you are being unreasonable so I hope next time your child is running or swinging on a chair in a restaurant you think of this thread.

Actually, @ASighMadeOfStone - I think the woman was screaming

Quite !!

Her reaction has made you feel observed & judged. She was doing both with good cause
your son was hyper and swinging backwards in chair, that’s going to provoke a reaction. Folk are out for a meal, your son is creating noise & drama. You’re failing to deal with it
Consequently, you’re stressed & annoyed. Other diner is stressed & annoyed

Wow, read the first few comments. Nonsense. Why should your child falling off a chair matter to her. It's not something I'd actively want but it's a consequence that they will survive and maybe learn from!
Sounds like she was the one being really annoying and as long as he wasn't swinging on her chair she could have ignored him. I'm also so glad some kids were misbehaving and not on screens! Joking of course!
I'm pretty sure the people saying you should just leave have never actually sat down and ordered dinner, then got up without finishing and left a restaurant on account of a child being a child.
Adults can misbehave in restaurants too, once my extremely shy quiet (in public places) husband actually leant over to the table next to us and asked them to stop having an argument as it was ruining our meal. It was, they were behaving appallingly. Never have we had to ask parents of children to make their kids behave.
I've taken my kids outside if they are misbehaving although they only do it in an upsetting our experience not other peoples. To be honest it makes little difference. Seriously a kid falling from a chair isn't going to cause serious injury unless its a concrete floor or something?? Anyway despite rambling on I don't think you spoilt her meal I think she should have ignored you!

I'm pretty sure the people saying you should just leave have never actually sat down and ordered dinner, then got up without finishing and left a restaurant on account of a child being a child.

i have, if the behaviour can’t be calmed otherwise then it’s the only sensible option. I have also seen others do the same.

If you go out to eat with young children you need to be prepared that if all else fails that may be your only option.

Kid fall off chair probably wont = serious injury. Will mean manager having to complete an accident form and check in with you . A child crying, you trying to console , staff rushing to help, other diners looking and being disturbed. It’s not just a whooopsie, fell. It’s an anticipated outcome of swinging on a chair the child lose balance. Actually it impacts the wider group and creates noise & disturbance

But to be fair you and your child caused the problem. He is only 3 so it was up to you to put some sort of control on his behaviour. I would be anxious too with a shrieking child charging round and swinging on their chair.
,

Have I left a meal early as my kids were unsettled, yes. when we took out kids in a group and they were all noisy . Left meal unfinished and early To avoid disturbing others. They dynamic kids of being in a group,all showing off, it was noisy. We left early, cut our losses

I'm pretty sure the people saying you should just leave have never actually sat down and ordered dinner, then got up without finishing and left a restaurant on account of a child being a child.

I haven't left a restaurant specifically because it was never necessary to. But I have left other places.

I was at a birthday party with my son once and one parent took her child home from that because he was over excited and hitting the other childen repeatedly and barging into them knocking them over. She also took him outside to calm down but it didn't work. So she removed him completely.