To think this woman shouldn’t have interfered in the restaurant?

[Goldenrainbows]

We are away at the moment and went to eat last night in a family pub with an indoor play area which seemed to get my ds (3) a bit hyper. He’s normally really good in restaurants but was admittedly being really silly and swinging back on his chair and running off and not eating. I was doing my best to deal with it.

It really wasn’t helped by a woman sitting at the table behind us who kept interfering and shrieking ‘he’ll fall!’ every time he was swinging on his chair and making comments about him and us. I don’t think it was coming from a bad place but AIBU in thinking it really wasn’t appropriate? It was stressful and meant we couldn’t deal with DS properly as she was taking our attention. (By the way ds was far from the only badly behaved child there.)

@Goldenrainbows I think we have unreasonable expectations for small children. They really don't have the attention span to sit nicely and eat for long periods of time. I have a 3 and 5 year old if we go out to eat I take crayons and coloring books. In the bit between courses the colour or we play what am I games. I make it easier for the 3 year old. Example i went to the market and brought a fruit, it was round, it was crunchy and red.

If my kids were disturbing others I would take them out. This is a one and done family. You get one warning, sit and eat nicely or we will leave, next thing I'd be getting my food to go. You can't impose on others.

Although, I do question if I'm too hard. Adults can't behave, so I wonder if expecting kids to is unreasonable. On the train and bus people have the phone on loud speaker and have conversations or play their music. Recently, I told someone to stop vaping on the train. At the theater the 3 people next to me talked for the whole show. People lack basic manners and respect for other people.

You sound like a perfect parent! Well done for considering others, while keeping your own children happy.
THIS is good parenting.

OP you are being unreasonable projecting the blame on the lady. If there was a child running around and swinging on their chair next to me it would make me slightly anxious as it is an accident waiting to happen. I have taken my kids to these types of places numerous time but they were never allowed to behave like this. Whilst I would expect a lot of kiddy noise etc at place like this, there is a limit and other diners should be considered.

She was being over the top and rude. We've come across badly behaved children when out with ours and just ignored them. Unless they are actually in my space then it's none of my business. We always avoided the Wacky Warehouse type place like the plague, to be fair. They are a horrible atmosphere for eating with a child and do nothing to encourage good table manners. We always took ours out to normal restaurants, just made sure we didn't eat too late, and took colouring books or small table games to entertain.

If you want to avoid parents and children whose behaviour you might now love, my top tip is to pick restaurants that don’t have children’s play areas.

Those places involve basically eating your dinner in soft play - and all that comes with that.

Places with children's pay areas might be an extremely sensible starting point.

Do you lack common sense? So many people do these days.

Oh god, my mum does this. She’ll freak out and scream if a kid runs ahead of their parents on a pavement, even if there’s no traffic, it’s a cul de sac and the kid stops and waits at a junction. Then will make a big deal about fanning herself and go over to the parents, grasping their arm and saying things like, “Oh, oh, that was so close!”.

You’ve said that you were in a restaurant with an indoor play area and there were more than just your kid running around. When I go to a very family-oriented restaurant, I know darned well what I’m letting myself in for. That woman should have too and flipping canned it.

Imagine going to a family restaurant with a soft play area and expecting a quiet stress free meal? She should have minded her own business

Not IMO you're not to hard, you've young DC and seem to be pretty well organised when taking them out, you seem a forethought instead of hindsight type of person, we need more of you.

Yes children of any age can have a moment but it's how the parents react to them moments that counts, play area's in pubs are a specific area and running about should be kept to that area set out.

I think the fact other children were being raucous and didn't get the same comments probably proves the lady didn't have a problem with kids generally but with the safety and parenting of this one

This is exactly what we used to do when the children were small.

The result was children we could take pretty much anywhere ro eat from quite young ages. One of mine wpuld never have got up and run around it was just in his nature. The other absolutely would if she'd been given the opportunity to do so!

We went out for dinner once with my husband's brother and his family. It was my husband who said we were never doing that again because their kids were poorly behaved and their parents also 'tried their best' which really looked like a combination of them ignoring them interspersed with "Jack, come and sit down, "Jack. I've told you to sit down." "Jsck if you don't sit down we're going home". "Jack, I've told you that if you don't sit down, were going home" "Jack! Do I need to take you home?"

Yes! Just fucking take him home!

For some parents the endless threats that aren't followed through with are 'trying'.

I'm always reminded of Yoda at times like this.

Parent your child or do not. There is no 'try'.

And if for whatever reason it isn't working, you leave.

People ask how will children ever learn how to behave in a restaurant if they don't experience them and are not taught. This is absolutely true. But you have to actively teach them.

I went out recently to a pub which has a play area although the children weren't in it at the time, they were sat waiting for their mums to come back. Quite a few kids, slightly lively but nothing terrible, it's a busy family place. On the opposite side were three older (middle-aged) people, who found it necessary to make loud declarations about these children, tut, huff, and say negative things. They spent their whole meal craning their necks and saying nasty thing, not one bit of conversation was about them, their lives, their families anything.

Once the mums returned from ordering the children were relatively well behaved (which must have been disappointing to our neighbours) and they had nothing to say to each other!

I know which group I'd have rather been sitting with! I was mesmerised by the whole scene, that people would come out, spend probably £75 or more and spend the entire time tutting over others!

This is one of the reasons when we do go out these days we choose our restaurant/walking route/time of day very, very carefully.

I'm fed up with the number of people that don't reign in this type of behaviour, whether it's swinging on a chair or letting their kids (or dogs) run right into me or my partner, who is currently only able to walk with sticks. In fact sometimes I'd say it was deliberate.

At school I do recall one of our kindest but sternest deputy heads telling us about a child who had swung on a chair despite being told to stop several times, fell off, and bruised their arse rather badly. They were very very lucky it wasn't worse.

You can't parent your child and have distractions at the same time?

Doesn't bode well for the future, does it?

See, I like the dogs, the kids, the older people, couples, all in together, the only thing that I don't like is children running where people are serving food as that's dangerous. In a family/all types of people pub/restaurant, I like the mix of people, I'm not going out to sit quietly, I might be out with a couple of friends (we may even laugh loudly), out with my teenagers, I'm not out to be extremely quiet anyway, so I don't mind it (which is why I don't mind Wetherspoons, cheap and cheerful, also in a beautiful building in our city).

Erm.....yes we are!

Europe is a continent and the British Isles are most definitely in it.

Are you one of those people who has difficulty in understanding the difference between Europe the continent and 'Europe' when used as a euphemism for the EU?

If your child swung off his chair more than once, you were not dealing with it.

I was in the cafe at the art centre close to where I live. There were two women in there with their children and they allowed them to run riot. They kept coming very close to my table and bumped into it, spilling my coffee which I moved away so it did not land on them. I thought the mums would say or do something but they carried on ignoring them and the children continued to run around getting louder and louder. One of them bashed their head on the corner of my table and began crying. I took him over to the women who barely acknowledged me, but did tell me that it was none of my business. If you are in a public space where other people are trying to relax then you really should try to ensure that your children behave themselves. I know that they can challenge you and we have all had our moments when they simply will not behave but that is when you take them to one side or you take them out

yes sorry - kids in this state of behaviour should not be kept in restaurants - you have waiting staff carrying hot plates - the elderly risking falling and breaking something - not to mention the risk to your kid. Not to mention disruptive for other diners. He’ll grow out of this phase but you should have some done something to distract him or remove him. Shame about your last night but that’s just what you sign up to with kids.

You should have taken him outside for a while. We don’t all find other peoples children cute or charming.

Can you imagine the screaming that would ensu if the chair swinging led to chair falling and hitting kid in the face..

Qué,oh my bairn ,oh my bairn.

What you are doing is good parenting. And society needs more parents like you.

The adults you describe (on the train, in the theatre, etc) are likely raising children that are equally self-absorbed, selfish and lack social manners, and are terribly difficult to teach. Our primary school is full of children who are clearly being raised by people like that. It's awful.

Gosh...all the wonderful parents here on Mumsnet whose young children simply do not misbehave.
I feel privileged to read the opinions and advice of such wise and helpful people. Truly.

😉😆

This would have stressed me out, I’d imagine him falling and having a head injury that could have been prevented by him not being allowed to swing his chair. She probably felt she couldn’t ignore it because it looked dangerous.