To think this woman shouldn’t have interfered in the restaurant?

[Goldenrainbows]

We are away at the moment and went to eat last night in a family pub with an indoor play area which seemed to get my ds (3) a bit hyper. He’s normally really good in restaurants but was admittedly being really silly and swinging back on his chair and running off and not eating. I was doing my best to deal with it.

It really wasn’t helped by a woman sitting at the table behind us who kept interfering and shrieking ‘he’ll fall!’ every time he was swinging on his chair and making comments about him and us. I don’t think it was coming from a bad place but AIBU in thinking it really wasn’t appropriate? It was stressful and meant we couldn’t deal with DS properly as she was taking our attention. (By the way ds was far from the only badly behaved child there.)

What time in the evening did you eat?

She did t react badly.

You under reacted.

He should have been removed the time he swung in his chair after being wanted not to.

Like you said he knows how to behave in a restaurant so his choice not to should have had consequences.

I agree.

but reading this I also can’t help but wonder who this “we” was who couldn’t deal with their DS.

It was stressful and meant we couldn’t deal with DS properly as she was taking our attention.

it sounds to me as if an other parent was present tbh.

So why was the OP the one that was “really trying”? Why not both parents? Why should OP be the one to take DS outside instead of the other parent?

You cannot have it all, once you have kids, I am afraid. Either home , kids settled to bed on time, either childcare and then out, either keep the dining out as a whole family for easy lazy weekend afternoons.

'Shrieking'...of course she was OP...🙄

Goodness how did you manage to turn your poor parenting into the fault of a woman sitting sideways on her chair.

Incredible, you need to improve your parenting, regardless of your comments you can not possibly have been parenting well. If you were it would result in you apologising to those sitting close by and either taking your child out of the restaurant and home or their behaviour improving.

It was a pub with a play area. They are actively encouraging people to come there with their kids.

Personally, if I want to avoid children, I would most definitely choose a different place to eat. Or at least sit as far away from the play area as possible.

’last night’ was probably Saturday at 6pm in a pub with soft play. There were other families in there at the same time, as you’d expect.

When there is a pub with a play area, the expectation was : Eat your meal nicely THEN if you've been good and quiet and well behaved for main course (we did take colouring books and pencils or books), ONLY THEN can you go on the play equipment while we have coffee.

OP took her kid to a soft play... kids run around in soft play. We go to several pubs like this often and NEVER been to one where kids weren't bombing around.

Having been a parent for 16 years I have never known this NOT to happen and is why these pubs split dining into 'adults' and 'children's' parts.

If you want a meal without kids playing you don't eat in the play section of a soft play pub, thats just common sense.

For fuck’s sake.

👏 👏

Exactly the hyperbole!

It was a restaurant with a kids play area, hence it will have kids being kids in it!

What does anyone expect?

The voice of reason!

It doesn't sound like you did much to change his behaviour. If saying no has failed and he is repeatedly running to the play area you either:

Take him outside, to the entrance area, somewhere away from the dining area and explain very clearly your expectations (and follow through with whatever you tell him the consequence is).
I always found it easier to separate them from the situation at that age and start afresh going back in but I admit I am in the firm category of parenting and I'd feel like the woman at the other table with someone who kept saying 'please don't' to zero effect.

Distract him with something else. There's normally a colouring sheet, a book in a bag, even a phone (without volume) worst case to calm him from hyper state and then worry about his food later.

Or if you don't like to do this in the middle of a restaurant, accept that the play area is his focus and if it's safe for him to be there, write off the eating of the chicken nuggets or box them up.

This strange hybrid of fretting over him eating but doing little to calm him down would annoy me too. Sorry.

Well, yes this.

Kids run backwards and forwards from the play area to their parent's table. The waiting staff expect it. The other families expect it.

If you , as a diner, don't want this, you eat elsewhere. Other establishments are available.

If someone wants a quiet dinner in peace then then why would she choose a family restaurant with a children’s play area?

You know Brexit didn’t move the position of the country? Europe =/= the EU

Yes, just trying to enjoy their quiet, adult only meal in the soft play area of a family pub.

The poor souls. Is there no justice?

I wouldn't have liked it either. The child could have really hurt . It's hard with a toddler but the chair rocking is a firm no from me.

I think sometimes people just want to put themselves in situations where they can complain about other people’s children/parenting.

Saturday early evening in a family pub with a children’s play area sounds like a situations you’d only put yourself in if you also have kids.

Family friendly doesn’t mean that children can be allowed to do dangerous things though!

nothing suggests the woman wanted a silent room. She was concerned about a child being allowed to swing on chairs and run around.

Can the OP and everyone who thinks she's not being unreasonable let me know where you go out to eat. I'd like to avoid those places

Lots of people saying that the behaviour is expected of a 3 year old. It is, yes, but it is also expected that said 3 year old is helped to understand the next level of expectations and learn to meet them.

if I was aware a child was rocking on their chair, I couldn’t not worry about it. Having worked with children with varying degrees of development, that is a real fear of mine, as I have seen it go wrong too many times. Just saying “stop” doesn’t teach the child anything. It has to be backed up by action (even just holding the chair still).

it’s not about claiming to be perfect or hating children or wanting them to be mini adults, but recognising that children have to be actively helped to learn the right way to behave. I do think that restaurants with soft play do set some children up for difficulty though, as it is hard for them to mode-switch between soft play mode and restaurant behaviour.

Completely disagree with the comments here. She was rude. She was directly interrupting you during your meal, which was in a place with a play area for kids. It wasn’t a Michelin started dining experience for anyone, it was a family restaurant and she felt entitled to interfere. If she had felt disturbed, or that you were not sufficiently supervising your child, then she should have informed a member of staff. Completely inappropriate for her to interfere.

You went to a family friendly place, with a play area for entertaining children. Your child was playing, that is the purpose of the play area. If you were seated directly next to the play area then there really is no ‘running around the restaurant is there’. There is going to and from the play area!!

My advice for anyone wanting a peaceful and relaxed dining experience would be NOT to go to a restaurant designed for young children to play!! Especially if your then going to sit and judge and comment on the very people it’s actually designed for.

When a restaurant says Family friendly with a play area and there is access to fizzy drinks then you can expect noise and over excited children high on sugar drinks running around.

The servers know this, the parents know this. If you don’t want to police other people’s children and want to concentrate on your own food then maybe avoid these type of establishments.

Servers certainly don’t accept children running around. It’s dangerous for everyone.