Neighbours keep asking for favours!

[Popcornlassie28]

My husband and I live in a village around 15 minutes from the local shops etc. We currently have two children and I’m pregnant with our third. We both work (I work shifts) and I’m also studying at uni so I’m always constantly busy being a mother, at work or as a student.

My neighbours are middle aged with no children. One drives and the other doesn’t. Recently due to medical reasons the one who drives has had to stop driving until a health clear.

Since then, I will be home with the children before/after school, getting ready for work or coming off a night shift that morning and SO ready to sleep and my neighbour will come knocking asking to be taken to work often because she’s ’missed the bus’, ‘bus doesn’t run at this time’ etc. They do not take no for an answer and she will return two, three times plus until I answer as she knows I’m home as my car is in the driveway. She is very forceful.

I haven’t minded up until this point helping where we can but it’s getting a bit much. There is never any offer for fuel money either and it’s a 30 minute round trip to drop her to where she needs to go.

In the warmer weather, they will put their heads over the fence while I’m relaxing in my garden to ask for things and ask my children ‘Go and grab Mummy/Daddy’ so they can ask for more lifts/favours. My garden should be a safe haven where my children can play and we should relax without being bothered? Or am I wrong here? I would knock the front door and if they don’t answer I wouldn’t dream of being that pushy.

I have been polite to keep the peace but they are now asking my husband to give lifts at 8am into work on Sunday morning as ‘bus isn’t running’ and even though I’m pregnant ‘Can you pick up the 2 litre bottles of water from the shop for me? They are heavy for me to carry on the bus’. My husband is saying it’s going too far and to start pushing back and being forceful with her.

How can I be forceful but polite? Am I being unreasonable? I am terrified when the baby comes she will be banging the door down to be taken out when I’ve just got them settled and I don’t want to fall out but I know I will lose my temper at this point.

“I’ve had wine”
”at 7 am? Whilst pregnant?”
”don’t judge me”.

Your husband should knock one evening and tell them that you won't be able to give any more lifts but "here is the number of the local cab firm".

Why are people suggesting baseball bats and drinking wine at 7am? thats ridiculous- this neighbour is clearly an arsehole and will likely call the police if she does that. Then, she'll have the hassle of that and explaining it to them.

Equally- telling the neighbour to go and fuck herself sounds very tempting but someone who struggles with being a people pleaser and saying no is no way going to suddenly be able to do that, its not going to happen.

OP- all it needs is a firm but polite "no, I cannot do that". Then used the broken record technique by repeating over and over again. You must not give in as PP said, it will only teach her that she has to ask 15 times before you cave.

Don't start giving excuses eg I cant lift as am pregnant or the car isnt working. If you do that, the neighbour will just constantly come back when you arent pregnant any more and she can see you driving the car. Then you'll have to make up more and more excuses. Just say No, I cannot do it, I am too busy" every single time. If you start getting baseballs bats out she could report you for threatening her. She cannot report you for saying no to a lift.

Why is your neighbour not using taxis like any normal person in the same situation? Absolute CF
Next time she asks for a lift say, "I'm sorry I can't I'm very tired and fuel is expensive. I'll help you order a taxi"

I'll help you order a taxi"

No, you don't offer this, otherwise you'll probably end up being asked to help her go to the toilet as well.

When will people get the message that the only viable way to deal with people like this is a flat "no" - no silly excuses, no apologetic manner, just a firm decisive "NO". These people are not just thick, they are mega-thick - but they are devious and manipulative and just looking for that chink in your armour. Silly excuses will never solve the problem, as Mrs Nobrain will just return again and again. If she still persists after a couple of firm NO's, then it's time for a police/legal intervention - and telling her so.

That's outrageous, tell them they will have to get taxis or ubers next time they want a lift. They can sign up for home delivery shopping if they can't make it to the shops, that's a straightforward way to solve that issue for them.

I have a neighbour like this, she expects the world to respond to her needs and she really started to take the piss out of my generosity. DH and I were going through a particularly stressful time due to a major, life altering event and we (I) had to stop pandering to her, so the next time she asked us to help her I politely told her we were under so much pressure ourselves and wouldn't be able to help (she knew what we were going through). She became quite unkind to me and I stood my ground with a firm "I'm sorry, but you are going to have to start asking other people to help you".
She hasn't asked for anything since. Despite this, we are still pleasant when we see one another in the street.

Some people in life are takers, and the more you give, the more they will expect.
Stand your ground firmly and stick to your guns. You aren't there to sort their lives out, they will have to find another way.

Nope can't help, midwife has said I am strictly limited to essential [driving/shopping/whatever you are being asked] only and need my uninterrupted rest hours as im so busy with work, children and study. Here's the card for a nice local taxi firm though - much easier than the bus!

Love this! Please do this.

As others have said, just say no. Give no reasons, no excuses, no 'sorry'. Nothing that she can pick up on and try and argue with or question.
Write NO on bits of paper and every time she asks, give her one of the bits of paper.

Sprinklers around your entrances. Set them when you are home only...

Keep the petrol low in the car. Next time they ask, drive them to the nearest garage and say, "Well either you pay for a tankful of petrol, or I'll go straight home again."

Absolutely right. I have a relative through marriage and I have reduced contact dramatically and refused ‘invitations’ ( which means ‘ would you like to go xyz, give us a lift and you pay’) and said no no no until eventually they stopped asking. More to the point, I do not care how they feel about it and I couldn’t care less whether they like me or not: that’s how OP (who seems a nice person) should feel. Or try to 😊

‘…give her one of the bits of paper’

I love this! Hilarious. 😆

So…… Has she been round again yet, OP? 👀

Do you have a video doorbell? I would get one in case you do need to go to the police at any point.
A neighbour of mine has been having trouble with other neighbours, they are at fault but they went to the police. Luckily he has a camera and has video of them trespassing in his garden and being abusive to him.

Sounds like you need to tell her to get off your property. After that verbal warning, she's trespassing. Can you get your DH to pick her up and throw her on the pavement? I'd ordinarily suggest you do it, but you're pregnant so it's not a good idea.

A video doorbell is a great idea

Then she'd surely have been assaulted!
You can't lay hands on her, however annoying she is

can you get your DH to pick her up and throw her on the pavement?

yes- what a great idea! get him done for assault- that will really help OP's worry and anxiety around this situation! Supposing she cracked her head on the pavement and ended up in hospital?

There is a huge middle ground here between being her servant and physically assaulting her FGS

Hi all, such an overwhelming amount of posts back with all amazing ideas and some absolutely hilarious ones I would love to give a go if legal😂😂

She asked for a lift on Sunday morning at 8am because no buses were running and it was a 30 minute walk to one that will take her to where she needed to go. I said no the night before (on the Saturday) and she said she would knock around later to double check and I said ‘I’m sorry, no it’s Mother’s Day and I have plans’ and she came and hammered my door down at 8am on Sunday. I ignored it as I wasn’t getting out of bed for it but she woke me up.

I have ordered things to go on the fence and will be firm and say NO in future. She annoyed me so bad on Sunday!!!

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions

What a piss taker!!! Keep saying no!

I’m so proud of you! 🤗

I cannot believe this absolute cheeky fucker has the temerity to bang you door down on Sunday morning at that time. It just beggars belief. I think I'd be very clear "you DO NOT EVER disturb us again". How dare she. A bucket of cold water out of the window might be the next best step. My God some people.

Well done OP!! I still say consult your other neighbours. They are bound to have had the same issues and you will feel comfort in the ‘strength in numbers’ thing!!