Neighbours keep asking for favours!

[Popcornlassie28]

My husband and I live in a village around 15 minutes from the local shops etc. We currently have two children and I’m pregnant with our third. We both work (I work shifts) and I’m also studying at uni so I’m always constantly busy being a mother, at work or as a student.

My neighbours are middle aged with no children. One drives and the other doesn’t. Recently due to medical reasons the one who drives has had to stop driving until a health clear.

Since then, I will be home with the children before/after school, getting ready for work or coming off a night shift that morning and SO ready to sleep and my neighbour will come knocking asking to be taken to work often because she’s ’missed the bus’, ‘bus doesn’t run at this time’ etc. They do not take no for an answer and she will return two, three times plus until I answer as she knows I’m home as my car is in the driveway. She is very forceful.

I haven’t minded up until this point helping where we can but it’s getting a bit much. There is never any offer for fuel money either and it’s a 30 minute round trip to drop her to where she needs to go.

In the warmer weather, they will put their heads over the fence while I’m relaxing in my garden to ask for things and ask my children ‘Go and grab Mummy/Daddy’ so they can ask for more lifts/favours. My garden should be a safe haven where my children can play and we should relax without being bothered? Or am I wrong here? I would knock the front door and if they don’t answer I wouldn’t dream of being that pushy.

I have been polite to keep the peace but they are now asking my husband to give lifts at 8am into work on Sunday morning as ‘bus isn’t running’ and even though I’m pregnant ‘Can you pick up the 2 litre bottles of water from the shop for me? They are heavy for me to carry on the bus’. My husband is saying it’s going too far and to start pushing back and being forceful with her.

How can I be forceful but polite? Am I being unreasonable? I am terrified when the baby comes she will be banging the door down to be taken out when I’ve just got them settled and I don’t want to fall out but I know I will lose my temper at this point.

u have to have a chat -the 4 of u, and just explain that whilst you are v fond of them and they are good neighbours.

Er, what??😂😂

Next time they ask say you don’t have enough petrol in your car as your trying to cut down on the mileage.

You are not her personal taxi service! I do think your husband needs to tell her to back off and leave you & your family alone. If you plan to stay in that house, invest in a higher fence.

I don't get it. If you can help them, what's the problem?

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle

"Turtledov
No i am busy and to be honest I have my hands full so can’t do this going forward

I don't think that works if you're lying down in the garden, chilling"

I think this would make it an even better response!

The problem is the sheer entitlement, the fact that she doesn't take 'no' for an answer and the constant harassment. She's utterly batshit.

I’m sorry but looks like you are going to have to be very direct and say no. Give them a business card for a local taxi and tell them to use that. The odd favour is fine but continually in the way you describe is taking the piss. Best to be straight but maybe invent a ‘I’ve got sciatica and I’m not supposed to drive much’ excuse if you don’t want to be direct.

She sounds like she's a bully and she is intent on intimidating you until she gets her own way.

I would get in the habit of saying no to her. Big smile and 'Sorry X but I'm so busy at the moment and I just don't have the time!' Then slam the door in her face.

I think you will need to be forceful with her as she knows she can run you ragged. I've met these type of pushy women before. You need to shut them down repeatedly until they leave you alone.

I can't drive you now but I can help you to download the Uber, taxi app on your mobile and show you how it works this afternoon when I got time to do it.

You need to stop being a doormat and get some boundaries.

Next time she knocks, say NO! And shut the door.

Someone suggested answering the door once saying no then shutting it. If she knocks and knocks I'd ring the police and say your are heavily pregnant and the neighbour is presently banking on your door.

This is MENTAL. I actually can hardly beleive this person exists. I'm reading it like 😮

I don't drive, my husband does and my neighbours have a car each.
I usually have to walk my DD to school a 20 minute walk away. My neighbour's DD goes to the exact same school and they drive but I still walk with mine. They have offered and I have taken up that offer only 3 times in a year, but only because it was P!SSING with rain. I've still felt guilty and slightly embarrassed and I didn't even ask, they offered.
We also have a fence that's a chainlink and I can see right in their garden without trying. Even just seeing them in there through no fault of my own makes me feel bad. I can NOT imagine poking my head over a person's fence and peering into their living room.

I can't imagine behaving like this towards a neighbour. I'm cringing for her. Not even offering fuel money too.
Tell her to get a taxi FFS. That's what I do when buses aren't running.

I honestly don't even know how I'd react if I was you. I think with shock.

I find fuck off and slamming the door in their face to be more effective.

I voted YABU as you are being a complete wet blanket. Why are you putting these random people's needs above your own??

You have to stop this before the baby comes or they will be waking baby at all hours. Put a note through the door saying “my wife has been ordered to rest by her doctor and will be unable to drive you anymore - please respect this and stop disturbing her all the time to ask for favors. Please make other arrangements for your rides to work and shopping needs. Our family time is precious and your constant demands for rides is disturbing our peace. we will no longer be answering the door unless we are expecting visitors.

yours sincerely, neighbour.”

The husband and his dad came round for biscuits ??

If she glares at you coming and going if you do say no, who cares 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m such a petty cow I’d see her glaring and call out ‘morning Mavis, lovely day isn’t it!’ With a cheery wave.

Nah, they're taking the piss. I'd do a preemptive strike and get DH to go round and say, with a baby on the way we can't do any favors as of today (until we say otherwise .) Then give them a list of local taxi numbers, websites for shops that deliver etc and say, these will help.
I'd also be looking to add something to the top of the fences and planting trees by that fence.
Your not being a bad neighbor by asking someone to not take the piss and respect your boundaries.

No is a complete sentence and at this point, I wouldn't care less about being rude.

Next time they want you to hump their heavy shopping about, put on your sad face and tell them that the hospital has said that you are absolutely not to lift anything heavy. You'd love to help but you know, the risk .....

If decency doesn't deter them, I'm afraid that there is no other recourse but a firm no - and don't bother to give them a reason.

OP - update us when the crazy neighbour comes round again. It's insane that people like your neighbour exist!

Op I hate conflict but you do have to clench your teeth and endure the discomfort of being firm. Your tone can speak a thousand words. Get your irritated voice out and just say 'No! I'm x months pregnant and need to rest. Sorry, I can't give you any more lifts and it's not fair that you keep asking me!' If she keeps badgering, get your irritated/exasperated tone and say 'I just said no! No means no!'

There may be an atmosphere afterwards but the alternative is you being walked over. The atmosphere will surely pass but they will keep using you indefinitely. You have to put your foot down, even if you feel awkward, if your voice is shaky, if you go all red or your heart is racing. Say no in way that shows them it's time to move onto the next nice accommodating neighbour.

If you're anything like me, you feel uncomfortable asserting boundaries because you were brought up to be nice and accommodating. If you're like me, something like this is a lesson in feeling those horrible sensations of 'uh oh, they won't like me after this' and doing it anyway. I know it's stressful, but having your self respect gradually eroded because you're too afraid of offending people who aren't afraid of offending you, is worse in the long run.

Luckily, people who don't respect 'no' really trigger me anyway so it's easy for me to snap back compared to other things people do to me. Have a long hard think about why anyone would disregard a 'no' and apply that to your situation. That is what your neighbour thinks of you. Don't let it happen.

From a recovering people pleaser x

Next time, just say no firmly. When they come back go as far as to say you've been advised to take it easy in this pregnancy so you simply can't.

If they ask further questions just state it's not something you wish to discuss further.

I know how difficult it can be to tackle these things, sometimes you just need to give a form reason that they cannot dispute.

I really cannot believe some people struggle saying no to people like this.

Helping out a friendly neighbour in an emergency is one thing but a neighbour who continually knocks on your door and can't seem to get themselves to work so knocks on the door of a heavily pregnant mum who already works, studies and has kids is cheeky beyond belief. No one does what this woman does. I would not have the nerve or audacity.

Do not apologise or indicate that any refusal is just a one off. Just say you are busy with children, work and studying and don't have the capacity to help her out . Tell her she needs to learn to drive or sorts out a taxi.

'No I'm not taking you to work, I have two kids, and one on the way, I work shifts and am doing a uni course, if I can juggle all this I'm sure you can mange to get to work without my help' then shut the door

Who cares if it creates an atmosphere, just ignore them. They complain about the kids - ignore, they complain about you gardening - ignore

People like your ndn rely on other people being too polite to say no. It's time you did.