Neighbours keep asking for favours!

[Popcornlassie28]

My husband and I live in a village around 15 minutes from the local shops etc. We currently have two children and I’m pregnant with our third. We both work (I work shifts) and I’m also studying at uni so I’m always constantly busy being a mother, at work or as a student.

My neighbours are middle aged with no children. One drives and the other doesn’t. Recently due to medical reasons the one who drives has had to stop driving until a health clear.

Since then, I will be home with the children before/after school, getting ready for work or coming off a night shift that morning and SO ready to sleep and my neighbour will come knocking asking to be taken to work often because she’s ’missed the bus’, ‘bus doesn’t run at this time’ etc. They do not take no for an answer and she will return two, three times plus until I answer as she knows I’m home as my car is in the driveway. She is very forceful.

I haven’t minded up until this point helping where we can but it’s getting a bit much. There is never any offer for fuel money either and it’s a 30 minute round trip to drop her to where she needs to go.

In the warmer weather, they will put their heads over the fence while I’m relaxing in my garden to ask for things and ask my children ‘Go and grab Mummy/Daddy’ so they can ask for more lifts/favours. My garden should be a safe haven where my children can play and we should relax without being bothered? Or am I wrong here? I would knock the front door and if they don’t answer I wouldn’t dream of being that pushy.

I have been polite to keep the peace but they are now asking my husband to give lifts at 8am into work on Sunday morning as ‘bus isn’t running’ and even though I’m pregnant ‘Can you pick up the 2 litre bottles of water from the shop for me? They are heavy for me to carry on the bus’. My husband is saying it’s going too far and to start pushing back and being forceful with her.

How can I be forceful but polite? Am I being unreasonable? I am terrified when the baby comes she will be banging the door down to be taken out when I’ve just got them settled and I don’t want to fall out but I know I will lose my temper at this point.

I would just say to them ext time they ask for a favour, whatever it is...

So sorry and absolutely dont mean to be difficult because you are lovely people but we are going to have to stop all the lifts and picking up things for you. We are both really busy with the children, a home to run and full time jobs. Not enough time in the day as it is, Haha! We just feel that we have to put our full attention on everything we need to do so we wont be able to do the lifts and things going forwards, sorry but we knew you would understand. Life is just so hectic. Okay, see you soon and thank you so much.

Then just give a little wave and leave them to it. Dont give them time to question or anything.

YABU for putting up with this shit and saying nothing.

You'll be even more unreasonable of you lose your temper after doing zip about it. It's not her fault you are a pushover.

You simply have to be firm with your no. Tell the neighbors that you have your hands full with kids, work, and school and you need your rest. Tell them under no circumstances will you continue to give rides to work and elsewhere and to make other arrangements. Prove it by not answering the door!

Next time, say you have the shits and can't leave the house! Seriously though, you are going to have to put your foot down and tell them it needs to stop, you can't be expected to ferry them around here there and everywhere and when baby comes along you don't want them bothering you constantly.

When I was younger I lived with my parents along with my DB and his girlfriend . I was about 20 they were 2 years younger. We got new neighbours move next door, a traffic cop and his wife. We soon noticed the man would pop round to see us all the time but only when the females were there and to speak to us only. We tried to see if he wanted to speak to DB or my stepdad but he never did, always just to the women of the house, usually one of us, but sometimes two. And show us stuff he thought we’d find interesting. It got so annoying we’d be like “oh no it’s Dave again!” when he rang the doorbell. And he didn’t seem to take the hint. We actually had to ask him to stop coming round so much and we thought we said it in a nice but forceful way, but then he turned nasty and petty towards us. At least we knew he was like that though, when he behaved like that. His wife was lovely.

I was thinking much the same, this is harassment territory now and she is a complete nutter.
You and DH go together and tell her that she must stop coming to your door, looking over the fence etc for any reason - with immediate effect. Tell her if she comes round again you'll be reporting her to the police.
And don't worry about the "bad atmosphere", I promise you you'll be relieved! If she doesn't stop, ring 101 and get the process started.

I’d have lost my temper by now as I said before here on this thread. I used to be nice to too many people years ago, someone told me I was too nice once and that I let people walk over me and women like OP’s NDN spot them like hawks and hone in on them to use them and as a pp said they’re bullies!

"That really doesn't suit me/us. Hope you get it sorted."

OP really doesn’t need to apologise. First sign of weakness and puts OP on the weaker footing. All she needs to say is I am not doing this/I cannot do it. Bit like those car share threads we have here, just say no, grey rock and no dialogue.

In a way I feel sorry for them, as their lives seem a little empty, unlike yours.

I would be polite, but plead poverty (how are they going to know how much money you have or not?). Make out that driving them in the past has sent you into debt and you are having an awful time just paying off the plastic every month, it is all on credit, oh my God and a baby is coming....

If you can work up a story that you are living on credit and your bank manager has INSISTED you cut all unwarranted car trips, you can also bring it out every time she calls round as a way to bore her death and hopelessly avoid you. Asked to lift water? Oh, did I not tell you about hubbie's hernia operation?

But I would try to be polite, because they are maybe lonely and a bit weird. It is a village and, you never know, you might start choking death and need to run round to them one day (what I always tell myself if I am ever bothered by my neighbours).

I'd give them a list of local taxi firms and their phone numbers. You have done more already than is reasonable to expect from a neighbour. If they still bother you just say "no it's not convenient" and leave it there. Also, have you considered higher fances or fast growing (prickly) hedges for your garden ?

They are so bonkers it’s comical but unfortunately you have to deal with it. Sorry!

I had a neighbour a bit like this, he was an older gent and it just got too much.

In the end I lost my temper with him and told him on no uncertain terms never to knock on my door again.

He didn't and he actually moved not long after!

Try: "are you literally fucking kidding me? You have some audacity asking a pregnany, night shift working mother of two to drive you about. Get a fucking uber and leave me alone!"

Or get some sort of doorbell that says "nope nope nope" repeatedly instead of ringing. I don't know if this exists, but it should.

Be blindly sympathetic - just don't get what they're asking.

"Sorry I can't give you a lift. The buses not running IS really annoying. Tch You think the Council would do something about that. I'm just so sorry I can't help you but I'm so busy right now."

If she comes to the door, open it and then walk away and find things to do. Sort washing, peel potatoes - but just keep with the busy and the sympathy.

Just say NO, the more you say it the less they will ask

Wow, they are behaving outrageously! I agree with the other poster saying invent a condition or something. Or just be honest and tell them no, you don't have the time. They need to get a taxi!

Madness. Just say you can’t help any more

Tell them to download the Uber app and leave you alone! They are taking the piss

She's like a child, she's repeating the behaviour because she knows you'll give in eventually.

I would turn the doorbell off, shut the dining room curtains, and ignore the knocking. She's not going to stand there all night and knock, and she can come back and keep getting ignored until she learns.

We had a neighbour like this, if we ignored her knocking she let her dog off the lead into our front garden and he would bang on our door instead. It got to the point where I felt so uncomfortable we had shutters and cameras fitted and contacted the community support police officers. We flat out ignore her now even though she tries to have her "safe place" for parcels listed as our address; we don't accept them.

This. Being polite isn't working so just say, "No, I can't help you any more. Please stop asking." If they pop their head over the fence say in a very annoyed voice, "Please stop disturbing my privacy." Feel free to swear. They don't sound like people you want to be friends with at all.

I like the way you think!

I had forgotten this! I must adapt this into my life.

"No I can't help, hope your get it sorted. Bye."

This is not your problem to solve, it is theirs. You should not be saying sorry, making excuses, parking your car elsewhere (!!??) or printing out phone numbers for local taxi firms. Just say no.

If asked why not, say "it doesn't work for me". Maintain eye contact, serene face, do not break. Then say, "hope you get it sorted, and shut the door".

Don't make excuses. Don't apologise. It's demeaning to be put in a position where you feel you have to. Say no, you're resting/looking after your children/ studying, they have to start using a taxi service. If they keep knocking at the door or calling you outdoors, tell them to stop as it's unsettling the children. Be quiet but firm, they don't understand anything less.