Page 6 | AIBU to ask if you take your child to adult get togethers if they haven’t been specifically invited?

WinegumsPlease · 2024-03-09T11:02:15+00:00

If your friends are having a get together in a restaurant or bar in the evening, or similar event, would you take your toddler or pre schooler along if they hadn’t been specifically invited? TIA

NewName24 · 09/03/2024 23:36

MinnieMountain · 09/03/2024 13:31

We’ve just been invited to an engagement party- it’s 2pm on a Sunday in the private area of a local beer garden. We’ve assumed 10yo DS is invited. If the happy couple were doing 7pm we’d assume he isn’t.

Did the invitation specify "MinnieMountain, MickeyMountain and JuniorMountain" ?

If not, why would you think that he was invited ?
An invitation is normally for whoever it is addressed to. Why would you assume otherwise?

SamW98 · 09/03/2024 23:45

Absolutely not. A meet up with adult friends is exactly that - a meeting for grown ups.

My DS is an adult now but if at any time I couldn’t get child care, I’d decline the meet up.

JMSA · 09/03/2024 23:49

My god, definitely not.

aurynne · 09/03/2024 23:51

Fuck no. And everyone reading this, please don't.

CatamaranViper · 09/03/2024 23:55

The environment/atmosphere is everything here.

what is the celebration?
where is the celebration? Who is the main clientele?
what's involved in the celebration?
who else is invited?

Basically if any of these sound inappropriate, then it isn't.

MinnieMountain · 10/03/2024 04:10

@NewName24 the invite was actually on FB addressed to DH only. Perhaps I shouldn’t go either?

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 10/03/2024 04:22

No.

judgementfail · 10/03/2024 05:01

MinnieMountain · 09/03/2024 13:31

We’ve just been invited to an engagement party- it’s 2pm on a Sunday in the private area of a local beer garden. We’ve assumed 10yo DS is invited. If the happy couple were doing 7pm we’d assume he isn’t.

It's an engagement party. Don't bring the kid for gods sake!

Autienotnaughtie · 10/03/2024 05:56

No of course not. A group of adult friends meeting for food/drinks is not a child friendly event.

stayathomer · 10/03/2024 06:00

Depends if it's friends with or without children, time of meet up, age of kids.
This. I wish I had tbh, my friends don’t know my kids at all as a result of me not bringing them (I have to travel a bit to see them) so now it’s like they don’t know a huge part of me

anon4net · 10/03/2024 06:05

No. Never.

I know one person who has done this and I can tell you it's significantly limited the number of invites they receive.

2024theplot · 10/03/2024 08:45

MinnieMountain · 10/03/2024 04:10

@NewName24 the invite was actually on FB addressed to DH only. Perhaps I shouldn’t go either?

Your DH should clarify whether you and your child are invited.
I would have ask guests to leave if they turned up at an adult only event with a child, luckily none of my friends have ever assumed their child is invited unless they've been specifically invited.

2024theplot · 10/03/2024 08:49

anon4net · 10/03/2024 06:05

No. Never.

I know one person who has done this and I can tell you it's significantly limited the number of invites they receive.

I agree. My SIL doesn't go so far as to turn up with an uninvited child, but she does message in advance assuming her children are invited and then doesn't come if it's adult only. We stopped inviting her because of the upset she seems to feel at there being adult only events.

Mumof2teens79 · 10/03/2024 08:50

WinegumsPlease · 09/03/2024 11:12

It’s not a reverse. I don’t think it could be a reverse considering how little information I posted.

I just wanted to know what the norm was because a parent friend thinks that the status quo is that the child is invited unless it’s specified that children aren’t allowed. I see it the opposite way. That children aren’t invited unless specifically invited.

So it's a reverse?

Mumof2teens79 · 10/03/2024 08:53

Depending on the friends I would either know or ask.
So a group of couples who all have kids....it would have been discussed/obvious that it was with/without kids but if not I would ask.
A group of my friends when we don't all have kids/different ages/I don't know the kids then definitely not.
I would tend to assume not unless I didn't have childcare then I would ask if OK

whiteroseredrose · 10/03/2024 09:15

Nooooo. Definitely not. It would be very rude to do so.

Either you spend your whole time managing the toddler in which case you may as well not be there, or worse you expect them to share the load which is very entitled. No no no.

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/03/2024 11:17

@MinnieMountain

i highly doubt your kids would be invited to an engagement party whatever time of day it is

which is a good thing- you can relax and let your hair down!

Loubelle70 · 10/03/2024 12:26

I was a single mum...i wouldn't have just turned up with child in tow to adults only invite. I would just decline if couldn't get childcare. Daytime or evening.

NewName24 · 10/03/2024 16:29

MinnieMountain · 10/03/2024 04:10

@NewName24 the invite was actually on FB addressed to DH only. Perhaps I shouldn’t go either?

Your DH should clarify whether you and your child are invited.
I would have ask guests to leave if they turned up at an adult only event with a child, luckily none of my friends have ever assumed their child is invited unless they've been specifically invited.

This, that @2024theplot said.
If the invitation isn't clear, then the person it was sent to, should clarify.
I mean, I do think it is reasonable to assume you are invited, to an engagement party, but it certainly wouldn't be reasonable to assume dc are.

Ambassadorisspoilingme · 10/03/2024 16:33

Of course. My 4 yr old came to a strip club with us the other day, normal round here

Glipsy · 10/03/2024 16:50

I have one group of friends where it’s a given that one of the couples kids will come to the pub. Used to annoy the hell out of everyone, and there was an Incident once where we arranged a pub and they asked if we could arrange a different one as it was an over 18 one. We told them NO.

We’ve all just used to it now I guess, this thread just reminded me!

No adjustments made to behaviour though. We don’t really talk about sex or murder in general chat but I don’t make any allowances for young ears in my language, they brought him so that’s their problem!