AIBU to ask if you take your child to adult get togethers if they haven’t been specifically invited?

[WinegumsPlease]

If your friends are having a get together in a restaurant or bar in the evening, or similar event, would you take your toddler or pre schooler along if they hadn’t been specifically invited?

TIA

No. I'd be pissed off if someone did and would probably think twice about inviting them next time.

Of course not, your friend is batshit.

No I would never take my children to a bar or other adult setting (invited or not), and at that age my children would not really have enjoyed a restaurant setting either.

Is your friend a single parent with no nrp or evening childcare? If so maybe she thinks why would anyone invite her anywhere without kids as she can't go?
If the kids are past toddler age, introduce her to the concept of paying a babysitter. If they are tiny it is hard as you wouldn't trust a local teen and might not afford a proper sitter.

No she has a husband.

So it was kind of a reverse. 🙂 As in, it is your friend not you that thinks the children are invited as default.

Than answer is no, the child is not invited. I would be extremely pissed off if I had an adult dinner out planned.

Dear God no.

If the friend in question was a single parent without family support or funds for babysitting, I'd hope the friend group would be considerate enough to schedule get-togethers in a place and at a time that is more workable for everyone.

But that's a very different situation than the one described.

No!

Although have a friend who is BFing a young DC and she brings him along if we're meeting up for a meal (but always asks).

I don’t have kids myself and don’t think any of my friends have toddlers / preschoolers at the moment. Some have kids too young to be left but I’d be astonished if they brought them along to a pub / restaurant night without at least discussing it first.

Day time meet up with people who have kids the same age? Maybe, but would not without checking if anyone else was bringing them along.
Evening dinner and drinks? Absolutely no way and would think anyone who brought their kids along without an extremely good reason and a heads up before hand was very, very strange.
My kids would be in bed anyway.

God no. It should not be assumed.

Of course not. I’ve made plans for my kids and expect the same in return.

Don't be silly

Of course not.

Either no (work friends) or I'd ask before hand what the plan is (most of my friends have kids, sometimes we go out just us - sometimes we bring partners and kids and go somewhere like nandos at 6pm)

Blimey it’s like folks really hate kids on here 😂

personally I’d have no issue if someone wanted to bring their kid, I like all my friends kids, and if I was going to bring mine, I’d say oh I’d need to bring x , they’d all be fine with it. We all like kids and each others.

Absolutely not.
I do remember friends doing it when their kids were little though. Way to ruin an evening.

You don’t have to hate kids to want to have a night out that’s only for adults. Kids completely change the event.

See, that's what's weird.
Why should people who want to spend an evening with THEIR FRIENDS have to spend it with their friends' children? Who may be perfectly lovely. But it won't be the evening anybody thought they were going to have.

I don't hate children. That's silly. I hate going to something and discovering it's not what I was told it would be.

No I would not assume this. Exception would be perhaps if the child was a newborn and couldn't be left, but would happily nap most of the time so the parents could join in on the adult conversations.

I think that totally depends on the friendship group tbh.

With my friends it’s expected that if children are invited then it’s explicitly said.

With DH’s, because he has several friends in his group that he met through a widows group and they have no easy childcare, it’s explicitly said on the occasions that children are not invited. The rest of the time the assumption is children will be there.

Generally I would ask first, but I know some friends wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind personally, it's not me that's looking after them!

That’s my view. I don’t get the big deal. I see the same on threads where someone wants to invite an extra person. Folks have near on a case of the vapours about it.

You’re the lone voice! It’s not about hating kids it’s about adults needing/wanting/deserving time off duty from being a parent/not having to watch what they’re saying around young ears etc, and it’s generally accepted that evening socialising is when that happens.
I like to be able to say fuck without having to worry about watching who I say it in front of, and I’d be well pissed off if you turned up with kids in tow