AIBU to ask if you take your child to adult get togethers if they haven’t been specifically invited?

[WinegumsPlease]

If your friends are having a get together in a restaurant or bar in the evening, or similar event, would you take your toddler or pre schooler along if they hadn’t been specifically invited?

TIA

One of my group brings her irritating 13 year old to bloody EVERYTHING. Quiz nights, Christmas parties, hen do's. Pisses me off!!

No.

On a hen night?? 😮

Depends on the event. Picnic in the park on a Saturday lunchtime, wouldn't occur to me someone might have an issue with kids there. Cocktails on a Saturday evening, default is adult only.

Yep. Luckily it was relatively civilised rather than penis straws and clubbing but it was supposed to be a nice meal out with fancy cocktails etc. It ended up with the 10 year old holding court for half of it, about her friendships and school cliques, mum looking on proudly at how grown up she was etc.

Edit - sorry, thought this one was for me!

No I.would assume that no kids are allowed. I'd be annoyed to go to a pub with mates, and have little kids in there.

Once by accident. Had had lots of invitations from various family members over the years, kids weren't named so we always rang to check. The answer was always yes of course why would you think they weren't? The ONE time we didn't check and went on past experience they weren't invited.

No

I would not be impressed with someone rocking up with a child without telling me in advance. If I wanted the child present I would just go to their house.

I went out the other day for the evening and in a couple of weeks am going for brunch. At no point did anybody specify it was childfree but I can only imagine the response if I turned up with my children, it would totally ruin the event even though we are all parents. It's not that we hate children but we want to do stuff without them which is perfectly fine and normal. You have to watch your behaviour, your language around kids which we do every day so when we go out we want to let our hair down.

I do often specify either with kids or without with a couple of friends because our kids are all the same age so we often arrange get togethers with the kids. Usually an evening is fairly obvious but if it's a day I like to be clear either way.

Hello, are you one of my friends?

I have a friend that does this. She has plenty of childcare and a husband, but has brought her 4 year old along to her own 40th birthday dinner (all women, we were there til 10pm - she told her child where she was going and "she really wanted to come and she couldn't say no) and has also taken her to another friends 40th birthday party - held in a house, but definitely a party for grown ups.

its frustrating but i cant be bothered arguing with her about it - the way i see it, shes ruining her own night as she spends the whole time chasing her about. its just a shame as it basically means she might as well not come along, theres practically no chance of having any kind of conversation with her.

@WinegumsPlease a parent friend thinks that the status quo is that the child is invited unless it’s specified that children aren’t allowed. well that parent is an arse! why would anyone organise a night in a bar and make kids welcome? you dont take kids into bars!

Very dependent on location and timings. When mine were kids I wouldn't have gone out without them anyway, and nor would my friends without theirs unless it was a specific adult only thing. So for me it's everyone unless specifically adults only

No definitely not!

You wouldn’t have went out in the evening without your kids ????

@mitogoshi

what you NEVER went out without your kids? Ever?? Think you might be telling fibs

You never went out without your children?

What, ever?

Nope, I home Ed (he’s 12) and I meet with my friends on the days his father is off work. No way would I bring him to our meetings as it’s adult time and I’d be upset if they brought their kids

No. I did take tiny babies in a sling to quite a lot of things- but always left the moment they woke up.

No. Why isn’t that toddler/ preschooler not getting ready for bed in the evening anyway?
my 5 yr old starts bedtime at 7 - he has no business being at bars/ restaurants in the evening …
if I’m invited somewhere in the evening DH stays home. If we are both invited, we get sitters and leave once DC is asleep

Also doing theatre with my friends this year and no way do I want to take him my son (or their kids either)

Absolutely not. And if childcare isn't available, don't go. Nothing worse than moany children in what everyone else expects to be an adult setting.

No.
We were supposed to have a girls time out...pub..get together. Categorically no children..
Everyone was aware.
One woman , first time out with us, kicked up a fuss...brought her toddler child. Which meant all plans changed. Not asking her again.

No, surely you go out for a nice child free evening.

Hell No!

Even in daytime I've been in pubs and bars that don't allow under 18s regardless if they are 7 days old, 7 months old, 7 years old or 17 years old.

If I don't have childcare I decline. Especially as some of the people I hang out with are child free. Also knowing my social groups at least one poor person but probably more will try and entertain my child as they aren't selfish and nasty to children.

People don't specify that children aren't invited to a bar in the evening, because they assume their friends aren't stupid enough to think children are invited to an adult bar for the evening.

It's a bar. It's for adults. Mostly drinking alcohol. When children are supposed to be in bed.