AIBU to ask if you take your child to adult get togethers if they haven’t been specifically invited?

[WinegumsPlease]

If your friends are having a get together in a restaurant or bar in the evening, or similar event, would you take your toddler or pre schooler along if they hadn’t been specifically invited?

TIA

Yeah, this. I’d be stoked if any of my friends brought their little ones as I adore them but would always assume the kids weren’t invited unless specifically stated. Would expect them to say ‘I can only make it if I can bring X with me’ or ‘do you mind if X came along?’.

I’d be stoked if anyone brought their dog & probably spend quite a bit of time giving belly rubs. But you don’t have to watch what you say with a dog & it’s much easier to give it attention while joining in the conversation.

If I’d come out to spend an evening chatting with my friends, I wouldn’t be up for chatting with a toddler instead. At least if the friend asked in advance & explained she didn’t have a choice, we could reschedule or if there was no other option, we’d know what was happening instead of being surprised.

absolutely not

well, it's a DOG! Of course that is ok. (:

what is a reverse? Thanks!

God no, and I’d think anyone that did was a bit pathetic really. There is life outside of children!

No. Why would you? Children don’t have to go everywhere. Either get a sitter or don’t go.

Totally changes the vibe. Not the same evening at all. If I was expecting a lovely adult evening with friends and perhaps a few cocktails, I would not be pleased if they brought their toddlers. And I like kids just in case you want to bash me.

Rule of thumb - if it’s daytime, if you are inviting a parent you are probably inviting the dc too until you specify you are not.

if it’s after 7pm, you are still probably inviting “babes in arms”, but not older walking dc unless you specify you are.

your friend clearly doesn’t understand the standard rules so if you want child free evening, you are going to have to say just grown ups.

Well I wouldn't do it but some of us are completely lone parents with no help so unfortunately can't have much of a life outside children. Mine is old enough to stay home alone now but when he was younger I couldn't do much.

Anyway, I wouldn't just bring them along without asking but in my situation I'd have had to decline the invite.

I was a lone parent and I have more respect for my friends than to bring my kid along to something like that. I got a sitter or I declined.

Please don't!

That's exactly what I said in my post, did you read it?

You attempted to mitigate the inconvenience caused by playing the ‘single parent card’ , I know you said you wouldn’t , to which I also stated when I was single, I did not and would not.

No.....I wouldn't. But I had a friend who would do this. She was a completely single parent with no child care. She brought her toddler to the pub....to ladies nights at friends houses...and just brazened it out abd let the rest of us look after her child while she took the opportunity for a break. She never said it in advance and even turned up with their dog too and just acted as if we knew. She mentioned it in passing as surviving or she could go months without leaving the house....it ended up that people stopped inviting her as it was awkward but it broke my heart for her to be honest. It wasn't appropriate but I could kind of see her reasoning

No I didn't, I was referring to the comment about there being more to life than children. Nothing more.

Well single parent or not single parent. There is still life outside of children.

Agreed. However when they're young and you have no childcare options a lot of other stuff has to be put on hold.

In our friendship circles, parents will ask if they can bring child or if this is an adults event, if it isn't clear from the invite. It's asked in a way that it doesn't feel awkward to say "this one's adults only" at least.
SIL assumes her kids are invited to everything and goes as far as checking menus and then suggesting an alternative place because the suggested restaurant doesn't do anything their fussy child will eat (her words, they have 1 fussy child and 1 that will eat anything). That makes for an awkward "oh sorry this is an adults only event and we specifically want to go to the restaurant we invited you to". Nobody in our lives other than SIL does this.

Have you checked this with the couple? We have been to a few day time engagement/birthday parties in beer gardens and all were child free, quite boozy events.

i was just coming on here to mention the unsolicited bringing a dog (uninvited) to every occasion. And long before lockdown when dog ownership went nuts.

No.
I actually used to do it but now realise it was a bit entitled and must have annoyed people.

Meeting with friends in the evening, I definitely wouldn't take my kid. Meeting for breakfast or lunch I probably would.

No. I assume that an evening event precludes the attendance of young child as its at an hour when they would typically be at home in bed. The exception might be an event at something very relaxed like a local family friendly pub etc, an a very young baby (under 6 months or so) when they are often still feeding a lot in the evenings and can be asleep most of the time in a carrycot type pram. Even then i think most mums wouldn't take a young baby to a bar etc.

Are you mad? Who the hell wants a toddler to come to an evening event where everyone else has a childfree evening? It's nothing to do with liking children or not.