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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this BBC 500 words story deeply unsettling?

181 replies

shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:14

Cellmate by Olive C.

For twelve years, this has been happening. 624 weeks ago, Cellmate was first launched. Today was my call up. Nobody knows what it is, just that everyone who comes out is changed somehow. No one speaks about it. Whether because they can't or won't, I don't know. A two-year military programme. Compulsory. All fifteen-year-old boys.

That was me. Today.

I took the bus to C.O.H.P. Centre of Human Pride. "Where strong journeys begin", they say. 'We'll see about that,' I thought. My heart was flickering fast, palms sweating like the condensation on the bus window. In I went.

There were thousands of us. Lined up in neat rows of hundreds, numbered one to one ten-thousand. And there I stood, in the midst of it all, number 4579. Gradually, guards herded us each into tens of thousands of individual cells, stacked on top of one another. The door locked. I heard a curious chirp from behind me.

I whipped round, waddling over to the cradle in the back of the room. There, a small human-replica robot lay, curled into a tiny ball, making snuffling sounds. There was a little bubble around its mouth, and it opened its big eyes. The robot smiled, it was a child's smile, completely and utterly real. A speaker in the corner of the room announced: "You may now name your child." What?!!
Humans haven't fraternized with robots for decades. They have been at war for years. So, what kind of military programme was this?

I poked the tiny thing and contemplated for a moment what to name it. Hate pooled in my head. It took me only a second. In the floating bar above the robot's cradle, I typed with quick and sharp precision: Laila. My sister's name.
The name was accepted and the hovering bar disappeared.

I stared suspiciously down at "Laila" and settled her back down in her cot cautiously. I didn't want to set off any sort of alarm they might have put on her. Hastily turning away, I paced the small room. There was a twist to this for sure. I just had to find out what. I sat on the edge of the rickety bed in the corner. And she began to cry.

Over the next 24 months, I was kept in tight isolation with Laila, feeding her, raising her. First following orders from the speaker, but then because I began to love to. She started to call me "Dadda" and I marvelled how intricate and compassionate her coding was. She was kind and courageous, never doubted herself. She grew like any human child. She began to remind me of her namesake. The girl who lost her life to the robot army. Laila.

On that final day, the speaker clicked and that rough voice announced, "your order is to kill it." A carboard box was slipped through a crack in the metal door. I rushed over and opened it with frantically shaking fingers. Inside...
Was a knife.

Honestly, it reminds me of the hitler youth caring for and then killing dogs. Just overwhelmingly disturbing, and not physically possible to be written by a 9 yr old.

OP posts:
Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 09/03/2024 10:08

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 09/03/2024 09:22

Also

It's odd PP think children are sweet and innocent and never exposed to darker materials - Goosebumps, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, Horrible Histories..

Kids love dark material, they can be obsessed with dark periods in history like the Plague, the Wars, reenacting Cowboys and Indians to shoot each other, the sinking of the Titanic...

I also think a lot of kids really enjoy that stuff, much more than adults. As a kid I loved horror, gory bits of history and all that sort of stuff - far more than I enjoy it now as an adult. I wonder if it’s to do with empathy not being fully developed, and (for many very privileged children, like I was) not really understanding reality for a lot of people?

Combattingthemoaners · 09/03/2024 10:10

There is absolutely no chance a 9 year old has written that!

BIossomtoes · 09/03/2024 10:20

Combattingthemoaners · 09/03/2024 10:10

There is absolutely no chance a 9 year old has written that!

It wasn’t written by a nine year old. It was written by an 11 year old. And before you say that couldn’t have happened either there’s no reason why an intelligent, well educated child with a large vocabulary as a result of extensive reading couldn’t write it. It seems that we’re so used to kids being poorly educated now we think the reverse is impossible.

SevenSeasOfRhye · 09/03/2024 10:27

It's extremely well-written but I'm not sure what the point of the story is. The word limit works against it; I wonder if it's an edited version of a longer story the author has written.

Combattingthemoaners · 09/03/2024 10:27

BIossomtoes · 09/03/2024 10:20

It wasn’t written by a nine year old. It was written by an 11 year old. And before you say that couldn’t have happened either there’s no reason why an intelligent, well educated child with a large vocabulary as a result of extensive reading couldn’t write it. It seems that we’re so used to kids being poorly educated now we think the reverse is impossible.

I wasn’t going to say anything of the sort. 11 is different, they would be in Year 7.

BIossomtoes · 09/03/2024 10:29

Combattingthemoaners · 09/03/2024 10:27

I wasn’t going to say anything of the sort. 11 is different, they would be in Year 7.

Year 7 means nothing to me. I’m old.

Combattingthemoaners · 09/03/2024 10:33

BIossomtoes · 09/03/2024 10:29

Year 7 means nothing to me. I’m old.

First year of secondary school.

Dewdilly · 09/03/2024 10:33

Combattingthemoaners · 09/03/2024 10:27

I wasn’t going to say anything of the sort. 11 is different, they would be in Year 7.

They are in year 6 at a private prep school. There’s another thread about the competition on this site, and the same girl is mentioned - when the finalists were announced.

GalileoHumpkins · 09/03/2024 10:35

shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:16

Honestly, I find it truly disturbing. I cried for a good 10 mins after reading it.

I find that way more unbelievable than a nine year old writing that story tbh.

SevenSeasOfRhye · 09/03/2024 10:40

This author definitely has a promising future in corporate PR!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/teach/500-words/conscious-living-initiative/z2jvkhv

BIossomtoes · 09/03/2024 11:00

SevenSeasOfRhye · 09/03/2024 10:40

This author definitely has a promising future in corporate PR!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/teach/500-words/conscious-living-initiative/z2jvkhv

Lily clearly didn’t have a life with all that time on her hands!

ScierraDoll · 09/03/2024 11:06

I don't think many of the entries in this competition are actually written by children.
I'm pretty sure this one wasn't

ShinyPikachu · 09/03/2024 11:24

DH and I enjoyed seeing the videos from the awards with the kids seeing famous people reading out their stories. Hugh Bonneville reading Scottish Gangsta was definitely our favourite.

www.bbc.co.uk/teach/500-words/articles/zcb63qt

Mabelface · 09/03/2024 11:44

It's quite sad that so many people are putting this poor girl's achievement down. Olive is an intelligent and imaginative child who has won a competition for something she's good at. Leave her be to enjoy it.

mydamnfootstuckinthedoor · 09/03/2024 12:10

No 9-year old ever wrote that. The Scottish one is brilliant though!

WaitingfortheTardis · 09/03/2024 12:28

mydamnfootstuckinthedoor · 09/03/2024 12:10

No 9-year old ever wrote that. The Scottish one is brilliant though!

I dont understand why you think that, I've worked in a school and have seen writing as good as that in some children.

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 09/03/2024 12:49

It reads like it was written by a child who's read a lot of YA fiction. The first person POV is very popular, as is describing horrifying scenes with a kind of resigned detachment. (Something very familiar to today's Gen Z and Gen Alphas). YA has featured dystopias, extremely militarised societies and cruelty for years. And there's been a lot of film adaptations of these works aimed at children and teens. Hunger Games, Divergent and so on.

I don't find it disturbing. I still think intention matters in art, and it does not read at all like the child writer thinks the situation is good and right. It's clearly meant to be disturbing.

If the child had presented the scene as a normal no-big-deal rite of passage, something to be shrugged off and done with no qualms, it would perhaps be concerning. As it is, this reads like any passage from a recent YA novel. I'm sure that's where they got the inspiration.

blackheartsgirl · 09/03/2024 13:07

Combattingthemoaners · 09/03/2024 10:27

I wasn’t going to say anything of the sort. 11 is different, they would be in Year 7.

Nope my ds is October born. He turned 11 in year 6

a 10 or 11 year old could write this, if they are well educated, well read etc.

I had read watership Down by this age, and other stuff with adult themes. Not impossible

goodkidsmaadhouse · 09/03/2024 13:25

It’s funny how there are primary school teachers coming on this thread saying ‘yes, a 9yo could have written it’ (she’s not 9 in any case) and there is still response after response saying ‘no way could a 9yo write that.’

Why do we have such awful tall poppy syndrome in the UK?

Pottedpalm · 09/03/2024 13:44

Her teacher would know if she was capable of such work, and entries are often written in class

AmyDudley · 09/03/2024 13:51

My niece was a gifted child, was reading fluently at 2, started school at 3, read everything she could lay her hands on, she read and wrote obsessively. She also thought very deeply about problems and ideas well beyond her years, in many ways her thinking was adult level, but of course he lacked the life experience and emotional maturity an adult would have. She could easily have written something of that level at 9 or 11.

People saying 'a 9 year old could not have written that' should say ' my 9 year old could not have written that' you don;t know all 9 year olds.

PaperDoIIs · 09/03/2024 14:09

I find it more disturbing that you cried for 10 minutes and that you started a thread to whip up outrage against a child and their work/imagination.

Shadowonasun · 09/03/2024 14:12

The only thing I find disturbing is OP 'crying for 10 mins' after reading it. Wtf..

RightOnTheEdge · 09/03/2024 14:18

shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:16

Honestly, I find it truly disturbing. I cried for a good 10 mins after reading it.

I find you crying for 10 minutes over it the most disturbing thing. That's not normal.

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