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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this BBC 500 words story deeply unsettling?

181 replies

shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:14

Cellmate by Olive C.

For twelve years, this has been happening. 624 weeks ago, Cellmate was first launched. Today was my call up. Nobody knows what it is, just that everyone who comes out is changed somehow. No one speaks about it. Whether because they can't or won't, I don't know. A two-year military programme. Compulsory. All fifteen-year-old boys.

That was me. Today.

I took the bus to C.O.H.P. Centre of Human Pride. "Where strong journeys begin", they say. 'We'll see about that,' I thought. My heart was flickering fast, palms sweating like the condensation on the bus window. In I went.

There were thousands of us. Lined up in neat rows of hundreds, numbered one to one ten-thousand. And there I stood, in the midst of it all, number 4579. Gradually, guards herded us each into tens of thousands of individual cells, stacked on top of one another. The door locked. I heard a curious chirp from behind me.

I whipped round, waddling over to the cradle in the back of the room. There, a small human-replica robot lay, curled into a tiny ball, making snuffling sounds. There was a little bubble around its mouth, and it opened its big eyes. The robot smiled, it was a child's smile, completely and utterly real. A speaker in the corner of the room announced: "You may now name your child." What?!!
Humans haven't fraternized with robots for decades. They have been at war for years. So, what kind of military programme was this?

I poked the tiny thing and contemplated for a moment what to name it. Hate pooled in my head. It took me only a second. In the floating bar above the robot's cradle, I typed with quick and sharp precision: Laila. My sister's name.
The name was accepted and the hovering bar disappeared.

I stared suspiciously down at "Laila" and settled her back down in her cot cautiously. I didn't want to set off any sort of alarm they might have put on her. Hastily turning away, I paced the small room. There was a twist to this for sure. I just had to find out what. I sat on the edge of the rickety bed in the corner. And she began to cry.

Over the next 24 months, I was kept in tight isolation with Laila, feeding her, raising her. First following orders from the speaker, but then because I began to love to. She started to call me "Dadda" and I marvelled how intricate and compassionate her coding was. She was kind and courageous, never doubted herself. She grew like any human child. She began to remind me of her namesake. The girl who lost her life to the robot army. Laila.

On that final day, the speaker clicked and that rough voice announced, "your order is to kill it." A carboard box was slipped through a crack in the metal door. I rushed over and opened it with frantically shaking fingers. Inside...
Was a knife.

Honestly, it reminds me of the hitler youth caring for and then killing dogs. Just overwhelmingly disturbing, and not physically possible to be written by a 9 yr old.

OP posts:
shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:52

MixingPlaydough · 08/03/2024 21:50

I'm sceptical that it was solely written by a 9 year old too.

I also agree with the previous poster it reminded me very much of the scene in Kingsman.

Yep. kiddos watching Kingsman would set the alarm off for me too, especially with 2625 and all that XD

OP posts:
ssd · 08/03/2024 21:52

Scottish gangsta is obviously written by a child, its very authentic, as well as really funny.

shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:53

ssd · 08/03/2024 21:52

Scottish gangsta is obviously written by a child, its very authentic, as well as really funny.

Yep, obviously written by a kid.

Had me writhing in laughter though Grin

OP posts:
Testina · 08/03/2024 21:54

shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:21

ChatGpt's opinion:

Yes, this story could be considered disturbing due to its exploration of themes such as forced military service, human-robot relations, and the emotional attachment that develops between the protagonist and the robot child named Laila.

Even robots are disturbed by what 9 year olds write nowadays...

I’m curious why you posted an AI “opinion”. Are the opinions of humans on this thread not enough for you?

It’s definitely very mature writing, but definitely sounds like they’ve seen Kingsman 😉
One of my kids used to write well and her primary teachers would say what an amazing imagination she had… and no disrespect to my daughter who I obviously think is wonderful, but as I was the adult in the home reading to her, I could tell which of “her” imagination stories were knocks offs of recent books.

I’m surprised that left you crying for 10 minutes. That seems a bit OTT. It’s not that well written and the length means you don’t have that much timed to really build a connection with the character. Good writing develops connection fast - but it’s not that good. (it’s great: but for a kid)

newtothenet · 08/03/2024 21:55

It reminds me of the plot of "School for Good Mothers" by Jessamine Chan.

BIossomtoes · 08/03/2024 21:56

ssd · 08/03/2024 21:52

Scottish gangsta is obviously written by a child, its very authentic, as well as really funny.

I couldn’t read it. One long paragraph and over zealous capitalisation don’t make for easy reading. Sorry you hated the first one @shockedmama23. I think it’s brilliant.

Megifer · 08/03/2024 21:59

shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:38

DD's mate loves to play GTA, similar scenes there. DD doesnt like to watch him gaming it though, too disturbing.

Is there similar scenes in GTA (assuming you mean GTA 5)?

fabio12 · 08/03/2024 21:59

You forget kids are seeing genocide on the news daily with children being blown to bits while we do nothing. I think this is relatively less extreme - it's a robot, not a human child.

shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:59

BIossomtoes · 08/03/2024 21:56

I couldn’t read it. One long paragraph and over zealous capitalisation don’t make for easy reading. Sorry you hated the first one @shockedmama23. I think it’s brilliant.

Brilliantly disturbing you mean.

I remember reading 1984 at age 8, truly disturbing. I honestly wholeheartadly liken that to reading this story

OP posts:
museumum · 08/03/2024 22:02

Of course it’s precocious and seems like it wasn’t written by a normal amateur 9yr old - it’s the winning entry in a competition that must have attracted tens of thousands of entries. It’s sophisticated storytelling but I’d assume the winner of such a competition would be an obsessive writer who has probably read a lot about how to write and done workshops etc.

BIossomtoes · 08/03/2024 22:02

I know what I mean @shockedmama23. I think it’s excellent.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 08/03/2024 22:09

You read 1984 at 8 but are surprised a child might have seen Kingsman (which, whilst violent is incredibly comedic violence and which some parents wouldn't bat an eyelid at showing them/stopping them watching)?

It's well written and the maturity of the writing is maybe above a 9 year old

But the content wouldn't really surprise me. They can be creepy fuckers at that age tbh

RafaistheKingofClay · 08/03/2024 22:15

shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:59

Brilliantly disturbing you mean.

I remember reading 1984 at age 8, truly disturbing. I honestly wholeheartadly liken that to reading this story

If you were reading 1984 at age 8 it’s not a massive leap to thing this 9 year old is reading YA fiction is it? I can see elements of say, Hunger games or Klara and the Sun.

YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty · 08/03/2024 22:18

Megifer · 08/03/2024 21:59

Is there similar scenes in GTA (assuming you mean GTA 5)?

No, there's nothing like that in GTA. In fact, one of the characters has a dog he can take for walks. The dog has a happiness bar so you're supposed to take care of it.

BedRot · 08/03/2024 22:21

I immediately thought written by ChatGPT. It could totally do it.

Myotheripodisayoto · 08/03/2024 22:22

My niece is 9 and writes well.

She simply wouldn't have this idea because she isn't exposed to books, video games or films that would introduce these ideas. I'd be a little concerned at what a 9 year old was viewing or reading that inspired these thoughts, personally. By 12 or 13 yes but not at 9.

Newsenmum · 08/03/2024 22:23

shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:26

I still find it very disturbing, shocking and would absolutely not read it to DD9 or even DS12. Let alone assume that such a small child comprehended such themes and wrote this.

Agreed but also are you a mother? It hits home a lot more when you see it from a parents pov. As a child you don’t see it as awfully.

A different question - why did hitler youth kill dogs?

Myotheripodisayoto · 08/03/2024 22:24

I remember reading 1984 at age 8, truly disturbing. I honestly wholeheartadly liken that to reading this story

Wtf the adults let you read that at 8? Its is not a suitable book for children, on so, so many levels.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 08/03/2024 22:34

RafaistheKingofClay · 08/03/2024 22:15

If you were reading 1984 at age 8 it’s not a massive leap to thing this 9 year old is reading YA fiction is it? I can see elements of say, Hunger games or Klara and the Sun.

Even this

There's plenty of YA fiction which this would fit the theme of and which it's not a huge stretch to imagine a 9 year old with an advanced reading age might have read and with an advanced reading age, their writing ability could easily match it

Pottedpalm · 08/03/2024 22:42

I think it’s excellent.
Scottish Gangsta not so much.

2dogsandabudgie · 08/03/2024 23:08

I'm shocked that you read 1984 at the age of 8! That was one of the books my daughter had to study for A level.

AlwaysFreezing · 08/03/2024 23:25

It reminds me of a TV programme I saw ages (like maybe 20 years ago) where they followed a handful of savant children.

One was the only child of 2 Oxford dons. There were books everywhere, like verging on hoarder style. The chld was a literary savant, with an exceptional aptitude for language. It wasn't like listening to a child (they were around 9/10 I think). They'd read so much.

So, although I don't think the average 9 yo is writing this stuff in their English books at school, I do think there are kids out there capable of this level of thinking and articulation. It's just very unusual.

I wondered how she chose the name.

penjil · 09/03/2024 00:46

shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:16

Honestly, I find it truly disturbing. I cried for a good 10 mins after reading it.

Seriously?!?
🙄

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 09/03/2024 00:54

This is such an odd thread. There's nothing in that that makes me even slightly teary let alone cry for 10 mins!

purpleme12 · 09/03/2024 01:03

shockedmama23 · 08/03/2024 21:30

Scottish Gangsta link for those who want to read it: https://www.bbc.co.uk/teach/500-words/the-scottish-gangsta/zvswtcw

if you spray your pc with the coffe you were drinking, dont blame me!

Oh my god you have to laugh 😂😂

I love how it has DUN DUN DUN in it as well, my child writes that in her stories too!

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