To be disheartened by British men STILL although it is 2024

[Noflowersthankyou]

Earlier today, I popped into a supermarket.
There was an unremarkable man around the area of the entrance.
I was not aware of him until he approached and asked me, "Excuse me, would you like to choose some flowers for International Women's Day, I'll pay for them".
I assumed it was some marketing/promotion something, it was daylight, I had things to do.
I smiled and replied, "No, thank you". I walked on.
He shouted after me, really quite loudly, "Fucking frigid bitch! That's why there's no ring on your finger, then."
I kept walking.

But now, in spite of myself, I'm feeling pretty tearful and upset. The quick exchange caused attention, people turned and looked. I was embarrassed.

How can this STILL be happening in 2024?
I wasn't in a bar/nightclub/any kind of social setting. I wasn't dressed up. I'm pretty unremarkable myself, truth be told. But how is this still happening?
Why am I questioning my own behaviour and asking myself if I somehow did something wrong to have deserved those audible public insults?
I don't regret walking away without a comeback, it's so sad that as women-that is still our best defence- to disappear without challenge. But I do worry for my daughter. I had hoped that things were getting better. It appears not.

That’s terrible. Just this morning, a British guy (I don’t live in England) sent me abusive messages on instagram. He reminds me why I left the UK

Thats horrible. It seems as though he was ready with an answer to anyone who said no.

I agree, all we can do is disappear while men use their mouths as weapons.

Where was security?

I was reminded of the difference in culture when I visited my family in Europe last summer. I was waiting at a bus stop and a young man came up to me with a bunch of flowers, told me I was beautiful and that he wanted to make me smile. Gave me the flowers and just walked away - no sleazy comment, no asking for my phone number or inviting me for a "coffee". It made my day and also made me a little sad thinking this would never have happened in the UK.

This would still make me really uncomfortable tbh. It wouldn't make me smile and I don't care if some random guy thinks I'm beautiful.

@Noflowersthankyou easier said than done but don't give it another thought. He was being a weirdo, unfortunately it happens.

That is sleazy in my book.

Wonder if he would have been so nice if you’d refused the flowers like the OP did

Security guards were present.
But I was walking away and I kept walking.
He shouted but didn't follow.
There was no need for me to call loudly for help. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up....hence the thread....why should we/do we act like this, as British women?

Yeah, there's definitely no creepy men outside of the UK...

That's still pushy, presumptive and a bit creepy, I'm not sure how him being young and not British makes it less so.

I think you should report that to both the supermarket and the police. It's verbal abuse, harassment, intimidation and anti-social behaviour.

They'll have it on CCTV if it was at the supermarket entrance and he was probably there all day trying it on with women.

Don't let it go.

It wasn't your fault at all.

I think this is a very wise quote-

I never judge a man based on how he treats women when they are coddling or praising him. Look closely at how a man reacts when a woman displeases him, stands up to him, or draws a boundary with him, and you will find out who he really is.
– Icona

You’ll find that on continental Europe it’s a thing. For real. As in: the police will stop you, give you a flower, wish you Happy Women’s Day and there is nothing more to it, that’s just it. Your employer will give you flowers. Random men will buy a whole bucket and just give flowers at random. It’s just what it is, nothing creepy about it.

And if you politely refuse them as the OP did what is their reaction?

Op, please don’t feel embarrassed, that’s all his. Just imagine how much worse it would have been if you’d accepted, he would have expected your number/a date in return, which is why he’d already clocked you had no ring.

Exactly!
That was the reason for the original post. I don't object to random men offering me flowers...but to publicly be so confident as to insult me for declining? There's something wrong there, no?

'You’ll find that on continental Europe it’s a thing'

Well we're in the UK and it's not the done thing here. When I go overseas I try to make sure I know what the customs are etc so I don't offend anyone. But no he's a man who thinks a woman should be happy and smile because he's done something he wants to do and then gets aggressive and nasty when she doesn't. Disgusting behaviour but all too common unfortunately.

I would be contacting the store and complaining to the manager. Hope you're ok OP.

I would actually hate it if a random man did this to me.

I don’t know, it’s a cultural thing, never ever in my life have I ever seen anyone not graciously accepting the flowers. Why wouldn’t you accept them?

Because in Britain I would have been asked out and quite possibly verbally abused if refused. As it happened, the man chose to walk away. Whatever feminist angle you may want to put on it, he never had intentions to make the situation any more uncomfortable for either of us.

Out of two scenarios - man giving you flowers and walking away or man offering you flowers and then verbally abusing you, which would you prefer?

You don’t need to be embarrassed OP.

I remember once I had a man (who I didn’t know from Adam) yelling at me in the tube and none of the other passengers made a peep, just stared at us dumbly. I was more annoyed than embarrassed tbh.

Because she didn't want to! Why should she?

I wouldn't accept either. Mostly because flowers make me sneeze, but also because I don't want flowers from some random bloke, it's creepy AF!

I think you were very restrained, I would have "verbally" ripped him apart - yes I know its not the right thing to do but I react badly to attempts to intimidate and "red mist" pretty quickly.

At the very least he'd have got a "fuck you arsehole" and would have been reminded that on International Women's Day of all days I am not obliged to accept his fucking token gesture.

I'm not surprised you feel shaken OP.

It's weird that he hadn't already bought the flowers to give to someone. The plan of asking you to come and choose and then wait while he pays just forces you to spend several minutes with a complete stranger when you were just trying to get on with your day. Then he is offended that you didn't see the appeal of this amazing offer and instantly became aggressive and misogynistic. Yeah, happy Women's Day 🤦‍♀️😆

It would also cross my mind that he had someone else filming from afar and was an Instagram twat doing this stunt for his latest reel but I suspect he was just a weirdo.

Is Britain not in Europe?
there are sleazy men all over don’t pretend that isn’t so.
took my daughter to the Azores last year, the amount of cat calling she received was insane. She was 13!