To be disheartened by British men STILL although it is 2024

[Noflowersthankyou]

Earlier today, I popped into a supermarket.
There was an unremarkable man around the area of the entrance.
I was not aware of him until he approached and asked me, "Excuse me, would you like to choose some flowers for International Women's Day, I'll pay for them".
I assumed it was some marketing/promotion something, it was daylight, I had things to do.
I smiled and replied, "No, thank you". I walked on.
He shouted after me, really quite loudly, "Fucking frigid bitch! That's why there's no ring on your finger, then."
I kept walking.

But now, in spite of myself, I'm feeling pretty tearful and upset. The quick exchange caused attention, people turned and looked. I was embarrassed.

How can this STILL be happening in 2024?
I wasn't in a bar/nightclub/any kind of social setting. I wasn't dressed up. I'm pretty unremarkable myself, truth be told. But how is this still happening?
Why am I questioning my own behaviour and asking myself if I somehow did something wrong to have deserved those audible public insults?
I don't regret walking away without a comeback, it's so sad that as women-that is still our best defence- to disappear without challenge. But I do worry for my daughter. I had hoped that things were getting better. It appears not.

Op I totally get it. I will always remember a time when a male charity worker approached me in the street. I was only 16 and had just come off the phone having an argument with my mum about the shitty way I was being treated during my parents’ divorce.

I asked him to leave me alone, and he promptly called me a bitch.

However I do think YABU to call this out as as a British thing. This is men worldwide.

Because we are not stupid, that’s why not.

Do you not see red flags here? The man’s reaction showed he was not genuine. If op had accepted the flowers, who knows what could have happened next. He could have tried to insist on a drink, her phone number, he could have followed her. Op did the right thing.

But OP was quite clearly right to distrust this man, so what’s your problem or point? I don’t get it.

I work in a customer facing role. Some men want something for free, and they are charming whilst asking, but once I say no, not possible, they turn into abusive arseholes. I'm long in the tooth in my job and I've developed a thick skin. I just report the incident & move on. These men meant nothing to me before our interaction, they mean nothing to me after. I've been bullied, I can see when the time is right to stop talking to someone and walking away. OP did the right thing.

I think many women are also smart enough when to follow their instincts and not trust a man or trust them.

Many men are genuinely nice. I am 5ft and several men have offered to reach something for me in the supermarket or get my bag down from overhead storage on a place and i’ve gratefully accepted. But many men are not nice.

The reaction shows he's not doing it for you he's doing it for himself. Surely women have the right to decline attention from men if it's unwanted.

@Helfs
@MonsteraMama

Ok we are all individuals at the end of the day,
what makes us interesting 🤔 is that we may have or not common similarties

Just cause @Catza percieves things in a different way,
Could be she is from a different culture ,who knows
It doesn't mean her feelings were weird to think like that about a man who gave her a flower whithout asking for her tel no , or not saying something sexually abusive comment or wolf whistle, or for a coffee date,
I think it's refreshing he didn't do the usaul ubove things actions ive mentioned about,
I agree with Castza,
However i also can see why other posters would automatically see his actions 🎬 as being creepy or and a hidden agender somewhere down the line,

I think a hell of a lot / or some women at least in our societies have experinced so much of negative misogynistic sexually abusive comments or the psychological negging comments,
Just minding our business doing ordinary day to day stuff out and about in the street or whatever ect,

that we automatically can assume the worst intention

And it's no bloody wonder...

we have to be on our gaurd at times,

So both feelings of ubove posters i can see being valid too...

No wonder some women are acctracted to the idea of lesbinsism same sex relantships or flings..

Op if I were you, I'd report this. There will be cctv, may not be auditable but still. Of go back to the shop tell them to save the cctv amd get the police involved. Men need to realise that we take this further. I mean I can't say anything will be done but we meed to try right?

@superplumb

Totally agree with ubove poster 👌

Report about this as soon as possible...
Whilst things are fresh in your minds with ctv images ect..

That must have been incredibly upsetting. Hate to say it, but American men are not much better. I made the "mistake" yesterday of leaving the house with frizzy hair - albeit in a pony tail, but you could tell the fringe was unkempt and the back was very frizzy. I was amazed at the sheer number of dirty or rude looks from men! The first I thought must be a fluke, he's probably having a bad day, etc. But it was definitely a pattern. One even stared me down from outside the car as I drove by! The level of entitlement was just shocking...

Define "continental Europe." Unless you're talking former Eastern bloc countries, flowers on IWD isn't a thing in any of the countries I've lived. And thank heavens for that because IWD in former Eastern bloc countries is a saccharine embarrassment pretty much the opposite to the stated purpose of the day.

Why on earth wouldn't that be the right thing to do? On the contrary, it's exactly what NEEDS to happen to these arseholes. Good on you for standing up for yourself, and don't let anyone shame you out of maintaining a healthy aggressive response where that is warranted.

Yuck. I wouldn’t take these

Have you often seen women being given flowers by complete strangers then?

Personally, if I was dating a man who had a history of presenting flowers to total strangers I’d find it a turn off, so I wouldn’t be particularly charmed by someone who did it to me.

I have had far worse behaviour abroad. I have a test for how advanced a country is in terms of attitude to women based on wether I can go for a run outside without men causing trouble (it isn’t robustly scientific!).

Worst countries- cannot run outside at all. Never see a woman doing exercise. Stones thrown at me. Very hostile reaction.

slightly better- can run but harassed and lots of comments, some slightly aggressive. Occasionally see other women running.

better - plenty of women running. The odd comment but rarely aggressive or troubling.

best - no one bats an eyelid.

The UK is in the ‘better’ category for me and often the ‘best’.

Tbh, Britain has a lot less sleazy men than most places. I get 'psssst', 'sexy lady' and abuse for not complying to 'invites/compliments' outside UK.

Sorry for your experience OP.

I think part of your rationale demonstrates how you’re still internalising blame for this kind of incel shit:

I wasn't in a bar/nightclub/any kind of social setting. I wasn't dressed up.

Even if you were, so fucking what?! Does it mean when you’re dressed more attractively you should expect this kind of harassment? Or that in certain environments women should just accept the vile aggression of rejected men as simply the price of entry?

Any thinking of this kind normalises this behaviour and makes it seem as if women are partly responsible for having the temerity to be attractive to these wanksocks in the first place.

Our reactions in these situations is borne as much out of shock as anything else, and if you felt you needed to walk away to be safe then you were 100% right to do that. But until we all start locating our anger, and calling this behaviour out, and co-opting support from bystanders - especially other men - this bullshit will never end.

It’s very sad, but the best thing you can do for your daughter is teach her to find her voice and her rage, and be unafraid to use them

This is my experience too. I've also genuinely never had a guy at home become abusive when I've refused a drink/invite out. I've had guys who were persistent (sent me gifts/flowers) but it never, ever became threatening or abusive - just awkward. I've been married 20 years, so maybe its a generational thing, which is a bit worrying (my daughter is 13, nearly 14). That said, I don't think her experience at school has been that different to mine (apart from she is able to give text knock backs as opposed to face to face knock backs - if you've watched Kevin Bridges' how to handle rejection skit about knock backs, you'll know what I mean 😂).

I understand a little banter with a stranger, but you should never feel forced to have to take anything from anyone. He sounds horrible. So was his plan to stand at the flower section all day and offer all single looking women flowers?

Sounds like a bruised ego. I would be very upset too but at least you walked away and he didn’t follow.

I'd prefer men to leave me alone!

Why would I want to spend the rest of my day carrying unwanted flowers given to me by random men I have no connection with?

I'm sorry that happened to you. It's not your fault that man is unhinged.

Sadly it common enough but when I tell male friends this happens they act surprised. Here is a man talking about men who aren't able to cope with rejection. They know!

This man obviously has some sort of MH issue.

It is not normal for a random man to offer a random woman flowers - that is a huge red flag in itself.

I don’t think it’s fair to blame just British men, as men are dicks all over the world, especially when women don’t do what they want.

But the fact that he wanted to buy a random woman flowers for ‘international women’s day’ is obvious that he has issues and although not a lot will be done, I would definitely report it as men like him can be very dangerous.

You did the right thing by not confronting him too.

Because she didn't want to. What's the problem with that?

Women are not obliged to be "gracious" to random men offering them flowers. She was polite and walked away.

Stop trying to tell other women their boundaries are wrong because they are different to yours.

Was about to write the same thing.

Please do report this to the police via 101 and also to the supermarket, they will have cctv.