To be disheartened by British men STILL although it is 2024

[Noflowersthankyou]

Earlier today, I popped into a supermarket.
There was an unremarkable man around the area of the entrance.
I was not aware of him until he approached and asked me, "Excuse me, would you like to choose some flowers for International Women's Day, I'll pay for them".
I assumed it was some marketing/promotion something, it was daylight, I had things to do.
I smiled and replied, "No, thank you". I walked on.
He shouted after me, really quite loudly, "Fucking frigid bitch! That's why there's no ring on your finger, then."
I kept walking.

But now, in spite of myself, I'm feeling pretty tearful and upset. The quick exchange caused attention, people turned and looked. I was embarrassed.

How can this STILL be happening in 2024?
I wasn't in a bar/nightclub/any kind of social setting. I wasn't dressed up. I'm pretty unremarkable myself, truth be told. But how is this still happening?
Why am I questioning my own behaviour and asking myself if I somehow did something wrong to have deserved those audible public insults?
I don't regret walking away without a comeback, it's so sad that as women-that is still our best defence- to disappear without challenge. But I do worry for my daughter. I had hoped that things were getting better. It appears not.

That sounds creepy to me

I’d take this kind of thing at face value and thank him for his kindness

I was once away to put air in my tyres, and an older man (probably in his 70s) offered to do it for me, but he said “not because I don’t think you’re capable, but because I don’t think you should have to”…I let him do it because why be a bitch? He went away with a spring in his step because he’d some something nice for someone, and I kept my hands clean.

Not excusing the verbal abuse from the guy in the supermarket though!

Are you sure he didn't steal your phone or purse while you were disconcerted? Sounds very dodgy to me. Maybe you need to think a bit more deeply about why a strange man giving you flowers and a compliment is so important to you?

OP, I'd have called security and had the guy removed. I think misogyny now is as bad as I've ever known it. There was a time in the 90s and early 2000s when things seemed to be getting better, but the Andrew Tate effect and the whole transgender thing of any man 'being' a woman if he says he is has set up back decades.

I had one of those teak garden furniture salesman turn up yesterday (isolated rural location, electric farm gates) and after I listened to his spiel I politely said we didn’t need any garden furniture and he launched into a tirade of abuse. It’s really quite frightening when you’re on your own.

To be fair I don’t think British men are particularly worse than other nationalities.

I'm not sure it was great in the 90s and early 00s. I had loads of experiences from am array of men, different backgrounds; men thought of women as objects then to comment on, possess or protect even which in it's worse form was driven by jealousy. I think it got better mid 00s but yes it is pretty terrifying now.

I think if you don't mind this you have probably never experienced the worst case scenario of unwanted attention from men.

I was once away to put air in my tyres, and an older man (probably in his 70s) offered to do it for me, but he said “not because I don’t think you’re capable, but because I don’t think you should have to”…I let him do it because why be a bitch?

Why are you using the word "bitch" to describe a woman?

Why should some man decide you shouldn't have to put air in the tyres of your car?

What kind of conditioning have you been subjected to that makes you think women should send men away with a "spring in their step?"

Absolutely. "Way to misunderstand International Women's day arsehole."

Really? I can't imagine anyone would care about your hair from their car.

Sounds creepy to me

OMG I would have gone back and given him an absolute bollocking- and it would have been even louder. I understand why it made you upset but if more of us answered back they'd be less likely to do it.

Fcking absolute wanker.

Walking into Harvey Nicks recently a large man coming out aggressively opened the glass door into me, looked straight at me and said “fucking c**t”. Leaving a bit later by the same door a man smiled and held the door open for me and said how much he loved my velvet coat, so two rather different experiences.

Yikes! I would have said no too!
I'd assume he was filming it or something for one of these tiktocs that make them out to be some lovely person gifting flowers to people 🙄 or paying for their shopping etc

I'd have bought the biggest bunch myself and then battered him them!! What an awful git!!

He sounds like a woman hating incel

I'm sorry that happened OP I'd be pretty upset after too

Excellent quote and rather awesome username

Wasn’t the 90s and 00s peak “Lads Mag” ?

I thought that the objectification of women was far worse in those days than now (ofc it is still a problem now).

I can’t imagine just going up to a random person of any sex or gender and interacting with them in some weird or unusual way, but I’m a bit shit socially. I once had a woman come up to me and ask for the time, and I told her, then she asked if I “fancied a nice time”. I had to refuse her kind offer but thanked her politely for her concern for my welfare.

This exactly

Why must we accept them? Even if we were inclined to how do we know that acceptance doesn't begin some other chain of events? Trying to talk to us? Following us down the street?

No is a complete sentence. Women are not here to make men feel better about themselves.

I'm so fucking fed up with this shit.

And actually to the NAMALT brigade. No they aren't . But there are enough of them doing shit like this to really wear us down.

I've been called a frigid bitch by a British man as well.

//

Last year I was parked up at a petrol station and a blokes flew in behind me demanding I get a move on as he was in a hurry. When I dared to tell him I'm also in a rush so yes, won't be long he also called me a fucking bitch and when > my adrenaline pumping now < I dared to tell him to chill out he told me ".:: trust me this is nothing , hurry up or I'll show you" words to that effect.

This was middle of the day in a busy forecourt.

I ran into the shop to do what I needed to do but just hid at the back and burst into tears. I was so frightened. Out of probably 15 people the only one to come over and check I was ok was an old lady who put her arm round me and hugged when he came in to pay.

It is highly, highly unlikely he would have done this to a man

Out of two scenarios - man giving you flowers and walking away or man offering you flowers and then verbally abusing you, which would you prefer?

I wouldn’t like either. I just want to be left in peace to get on with my day. I think I must have a RBF, though, as I’ve never been troubled in this way! Reminds me of the scenes with the flower seller in Motherland who handed over free bunches at the end of the day to Liz, in her ‘new’ coat!

I got a 'nice tits' from a man here yesterday as I walked to work. I had similar two days before as I left the office. And I've had the 'frigid bitch' about turn when I've not responded positively to their delightful comments. Britain has plenty of sexist twats of its own still.

Nope, Britain has just as many sleazy men as anywhere else.

@Picklestop I'm astonished that you're astonished. As a privileged middle aged women who has always been lucky enough to live in UK mumsnet 'naice' areas and cities, I'm distressed but unsurprised by this.

I had two similar experiences in my youth and early middle age. The most distressing involved a man whistling at me and calling a sexual remark in my direction at midday in a busy shopping street. When I glared and rushed on he started shouting similar comments in my face approaching with a raised fist and face contorted with rage. Luckily I managed to get away without him touching me. No one intervened. I could only assume that the rage was because I a lowly woman hadn't been demonstrably delighted with his superior male attention. I had a similar incident with a chap yelling at me from a car then pretending to try to run me over.

My teenage daughters and their friends can cite numerous examples of such entitled behaviour. Real rage from men who believe they're entitled to young women's attention. In most cases these are older men; fortunately their experiences with peers - the men they choose to mix with - have been more positive. But they are rightly extremely wary of men they don't know.

I find a lot of the rage belongs to middle age or older men than younger.

This is creepy and weird.