To be disheartened by British men STILL although it is 2024

[Noflowersthankyou]

Earlier today, I popped into a supermarket.
There was an unremarkable man around the area of the entrance.
I was not aware of him until he approached and asked me, "Excuse me, would you like to choose some flowers for International Women's Day, I'll pay for them".
I assumed it was some marketing/promotion something, it was daylight, I had things to do.
I smiled and replied, "No, thank you". I walked on.
He shouted after me, really quite loudly, "Fucking frigid bitch! That's why there's no ring on your finger, then."
I kept walking.

But now, in spite of myself, I'm feeling pretty tearful and upset. The quick exchange caused attention, people turned and looked. I was embarrassed.

How can this STILL be happening in 2024?
I wasn't in a bar/nightclub/any kind of social setting. I wasn't dressed up. I'm pretty unremarkable myself, truth be told. But how is this still happening?
Why am I questioning my own behaviour and asking myself if I somehow did something wrong to have deserved those audible public insults?
I don't regret walking away without a comeback, it's so sad that as women-that is still our best defence- to disappear without challenge. But I do worry for my daughter. I had hoped that things were getting better. It appears not.

This is nothing to do with being British, this is to do with being a nasty arsehole, which is a globally recognised problem. Obviously the best answer would have been to have taken a step towards him and called him a sad limp-dicked incel before leaving...but its not really safe to do that.

So one creep behaving like a nutcase is now representative of all British men? I’ve encountered some right cows working in customer service, I’ll go ahead and assume all British women are the same then. 🙄

That interesting that you seem to be under the impression that British men are all verbally abusive creeps and "European" men are perfect lovely gentlemen who just want to make you feel pretty.

My experience is very different, the worst sexual harassment I've experienced has been in continental Europe, not the UK.

And what's a feminist angle and why is it bad?

I wouldn't accept flowers from a strange man as I am married but I think a ring tends to mean you do get left alone (not always).

My sister worked in Italy for a number of years and in her experience general street harassment (cat calls, being 'chatted up', touched) was far far worse then the UK. Just sitting at a cafe with (female) friends seemed to be an invite to some men to literally pull up a chair and join them before they got verbally abusive when asked several times to leave.

This is one man. He does not represent any other man, whatever his nationality.

YABU to extrapolate from this that there is any relevance to all 'British men' or any other nationality.

I think you should report that to both the supermarket and the police. It's verbal abuse, harassment, intimidation and anti-social behaviour

Like the Police would give a shit about a woman being harassed.

Horrible experience for you, OP.

I don’t know, it’s a cultural thing, never ever in my life have I ever seen anyone not graciously accepting the flowers. Why wouldn’t you accept them?

Don't want to carry them.
Don't have a vase.
Don't like the cash crop supply chain.
Allergic.
Going for a run.
Need hands to carry stuff.
Don't like flowers.
Don't want to risk engaging random man.
Trauma-impact with strange men.
Married/relationship and don't like it.
I can keep going...

Are we allowed one day of realistic class analysis on IWD?

I've been called a frigid bitch by a British man as well.

Me too.

Cause I didn't eat a crisp I was offered on the tube

Oh yeah. Just don't do anything then. It's just one of those things 🙄

its not just British men, I live in the US and most of them dishearten me. Probably why I’m forever single.

Nothing to do with him being British.
I'm not sure why that's your focus here rather than saying, "I'm upset and cross because a man verbally abused me in public", which we would have all understood presumably.

How about option 3

men don’t randomly approach us in the street and just let us get on with our day?

He probably assumed you'd think he was the greatest, and be overcome with gratitude.
Idiot.
Hope you're ok, OP x

Yanbu OP. I’m a very considerate driver and often give way. Today I didn’t pull in for an SUV (we were on a road with cars parked on both sides of the road) and the male driver stopped his car near me and gave me the finger with a terrifying look on his face.

Male entitlement is something horrific.

*Oh yeah. Just don't do anything then. It's just one of those things 🙄"

I'm not saying it's "just one of those things." It was horrible for the OP but she doesn't need the added stress of reporting it to the supermarket or the Police who won't be interested or take any action.

Easy for a keyboard warrior like you to urge someone else to do something.

Reading this thread I'm beginning to think British women are a bit odd. If a complete stranger offered me flowers I would graciously accept them - why would anyone not?😕

It's not as stressful to make a phone call as it is to be yelled at in the street by a strange, deranged and very likely dangerous man.

If things aren't reported there is no way there'll ever be any change.

What's with the faux confusion around why we're not going all doe-eyed and mushy around accepting flowers from strangers. In Britain we have this saying "there's no such thing as a free lunch", we know the flowers come with strings attached. Also because it's inconvenient, you're not there on the street for the other person's benefit, and maybe you don't want attention from strangers at all? Why should you "graciously accept" unwanted attention/gifts just because you're a woman out in public. Are the men in public treated this way?

It's not a British thing only though. When I have been in other countries in Europe especially when a young adult/late teen the men looked at me like they wanted to eat me! And my sister and I got heavily harassed at a hostel by the receptionist, one of those places where you have to give in your key, and he pressed us to go down to the basement with him, on and on while withholding our room key :/ We lied and said we were going to bed super early just to get away. Horrible. That was in Paris.

Also that weird and furious supermarket guy sounds like an incel, I am sorry that happened, OP. Here are some definitely non-creepy, empathetic blooms for you 💐

Is the right answer.

There are dickheads no matter where you are.

Yes, same in Australia. They must be all watching the same You Tube videos and forums lamenting about women no longer being grateful to snag them and preferring to live alone instead.

Because sane, decent men don’t do this. No male I know would do this.

Right, I think perhaps we need to take stock for a moment.
What the OP experienced is abuse, would make my blood boil and had I been there you can bet I wouldn’t have let it go. The guy is a creep.

Random men at random times giving flowers, meh, I would be wary (pranks, TikTok crap etc).

Women’s Day, saying thanks etc flowers are in a different category. It’s what you do for women’s day. Maybe not in the UK, but elsewhere is super ok.

I have a DD. I want a safe world to be a woman in for her. But I don’t want her to live in a perpetual state of fear, mistrust and defensiveness. It’s ok to enjoy life.

Why do you not understand the difference between people (especially police) giving out flowers to they have already purchased, to several different women, and a situation where op was being approached alone and would be required to awkwardly stand there while the man paid for the flowers?

Also, the man’s response shows he was not genuine. He could have just said ‘ok no worries, have a nice day’