To be disheartened by British men STILL although it is 2024

[Noflowersthankyou]

Earlier today, I popped into a supermarket.
There was an unremarkable man around the area of the entrance.
I was not aware of him until he approached and asked me, "Excuse me, would you like to choose some flowers for International Women's Day, I'll pay for them".
I assumed it was some marketing/promotion something, it was daylight, I had things to do.
I smiled and replied, "No, thank you". I walked on.
He shouted after me, really quite loudly, "Fucking frigid bitch! That's why there's no ring on your finger, then."
I kept walking.

But now, in spite of myself, I'm feeling pretty tearful and upset. The quick exchange caused attention, people turned and looked. I was embarrassed.

How can this STILL be happening in 2024?
I wasn't in a bar/nightclub/any kind of social setting. I wasn't dressed up. I'm pretty unremarkable myself, truth be told. But how is this still happening?
Why am I questioning my own behaviour and asking myself if I somehow did something wrong to have deserved those audible public insults?
I don't regret walking away without a comeback, it's so sad that as women-that is still our best defence- to disappear without challenge. But I do worry for my daughter. I had hoped that things were getting better. It appears not.

Out of two scenarios - man giving you flowers and walking away or man offering you flowers and then verbally abusing you, which would you prefer?
I'm so genuinely baffled by this response. Like.. these are the 2 choices?? How about the third scenario.. man you don't know leaves you alone?
I was in a pub one day on my own enjoying a cool half of lager and reading my book. Not interacting or giving eye contact to anyone in any way. Some bloke I didn't know walks up to me and says 'would I be right in thinking you need some company?' No you wouldn't. Fuck off!!

I find this situation so extraordinary that I am not sure if it is even true.

Report the thread then. I have reported your post.

This! Some women have such a low bar. Men need to fuck off and leave us alone.

I find this situation so extraordinary that I am not sure if it is even true. But say it is, why is this a thread about all British men and not one individual? Because this has to be an extremely unusual situation and by and large British men do not shout rude remarks at passing females in Tesco.

I somewhat agree. I'm not questioning the OP because it may well be true. What I would say is I think her experience (in Tesco) is the exception to the norm.

Context matters in a catch all discussion about men. A pp has claimed she was subjected to sexual comments by two different men in as many days whilst at work. The majority of anti social behaviour is young men, I live and socialise in an area where there is very little anti social behaviour, so its likely my experience is different to those who live and socialise (maybe work) in areas where anti social behaviour is prevalent (men who don't have respect for anyone or anything are unlikely to make an exception for women).

Yes, the lad culture normalised certain behaviour; I'm a big sitcom fan and although they are fiction, they are obviously supposed to pick up on attitudes at the time. If you watch Game on, where the young landlord never leaves the house, he constantly refers to the woman housemate as a "Slag" and makes out she is using her attractiveness to get on in her career. Obviously, Men Behaving Badly but even less obvious comedies like the IT Crowd, which I love but it is a testament to the 00s a bit as there is a joke about the Big Boss putting rehtinol in her drink!

When I was at uni late 90s early 00s, I would say a man commenting on your disposition/appearance/sexual comments were common. I went backpacking around Europe with a friend, it was just as bad if not worse, call out to you to look over whilst they pleased themselves, that happend 3x to us in three different countries.

I just find it very strange to do this as it certainly suggests arrogance at the very best!

Is that me, who you say 'claims'? I don't claim anything, I'm literally sharing my experiences. Incidentally not with particularly young men. These particular experiences happened one on a nice road in central London and one in a semi gentrified/ up and coming part of London. Similar experiences happened when I used to live in a super middle class home counties town and in a deprived Northern city. There are shit men who like to objectify women all over the place.
I'm happy for you, and any women, who haven't had similar experiences but for many of us they are depressingly frequent. I'm very average looking but am very curvy and one particular delight of having larger boobs is that people feel its acceptable to comment on them.
The Tesco scenario seems unnecessarily convoluted on the part of the creepy man, but the flip to anger and slurs when a woman rejects the unwanted and uninvited advances is depressingly familiar to a lot of us

It's great that you have never experienced this but it's definitely a thing.

Some men are very aggressive no matter how politely you refuse whatever they are offering/asking for. They are not all as abusive as in the OP's experience but in my experience negative reactions to rejection are so common that a man who accepts with good grace is noteworthy. I think it takes a lot of courage to approach someone so I am never rude.

I would have reacted the same as the OP.

I still remember waiting for a bus in the middle of Oxford street and a random man came up to me, in my face and shouted that I was a dirty fuckjng bitch. I was utterly humiliated and being very young put it all on me and why did he choose me. Was quite scared to go shopping round there did a long time afterwards.

Only in Impulse Ads do you get random men offering flowers and women grateful to be admired and chosen,

I would definitely report. Why did that store allow that man to harass women in that way?

I was in the car driving (slowly), he was standing by his yard. I wasn't sure if he was trying to say Hi or not, but he just looked very intently with an angry vibe. And yes, I have seen them do the opposite, again from inside the car, with them looking from the outside and trying to make eye contact on the days when I have made more "effort" with appearance.

It feels like we are rarely just left alone to go about our business - either we get negative feedback if we don't play along or make enough "effort" with our appearance, or else we are viewed as temporary objects to use for their validation.

When I was younger, I believed everyone was genuinely "nice." Now, having seen how some of them behave when a middle-aged woman dares to be "natural" or unkempt, it is so embittering and disillusioning. And whenever they ARE nice, I just don't enjoy the flattery as much, having seen the other side of the coin...

That's really sad, that your experience is more aggression than not! I've had men say suggestive things, and sometimes sleazy things, but its never been aggressive or sexually insulting. I must've refused the offer of a drink dozens of times in bars and clubs, never once has the response been aggressive though, never mind very aggressive!

I suggested a demographic element because at work, aggression was another story (NHS, so by patients). I was looked up and down on a daily basis, and aggressively called (among many other things, these are just the ones that spring to mind!) a blonde bitch, a jock slut, a stuck up whore - all of those were by women though.

That's really horrible and ironic that he was being so misogynistic on International Women's Day!
However, I don't think things like this frequently happen in Britain in 2024. Can't say it's ever happened to me.

I don’t know, it’s a cultural thing, never ever in my life have I ever seen anyone not graciously accepting the flowers. Why wouldn’t you accept them?

So we teach kids not to accept sweets from strangers but then tell girls it’s completely acceptable to (graciously) accept flowers from strange men, once they get to a certain age.

If a woman wants to turn down flowers from a stranger, then she should be able to without needing to give a reason or getting abuse for it.

I as a woman have never thought of buying a random women or man flowers out of kindness and men would not do this with other men.

I generally find British men behave quite well. I'm aware that there are thousands of dickheads out there but generally they're quite polite, respectful and try not to be sexist.
Last night I went out with my colleagues. There were four men from the same country (think southern Europe). They were brilliant fun but my Goodness what flirts! There were many flirtatious comments about women's looks, their clothes, their bodies etc. It was so completely different to the way my British, male colleagues behave. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure the Brits have exactly the same thoughts but they really wouldn't dare say the things these other men were saying.

They were brilliant fun but my Goodness what flirts! There were many flirtatious comments about women's looks, their clothes, their bodies etc.

I wouldn’t call that flirting, I would call that creepy, entitled and objectifying.

This country is dying in its leftist legalism and the men can't take that shite anymore, nor the women. Men are occupying the women's spaces, going more and more sexist yet the BBC behaves like this country is actually democratic, open, equal and so on

I wish I had moved back also but we shall see

I'm.sorry that happened to.you op, but I don't understand the "British men" thing ....clearly 99.99% of men were not acting like this, so how is it British men?

He's clearly a loony tune ..and he needs reported to the supermarket and police. They should have him on CCTV.

He could be potentially dangerous to women.

And I think security was a bit shite not being over quickly, having a word with him and banning him.

Wherever you go, wherever you live, there are always a few wandering loony-toons. Best ignored. 😉

Tbh I find British men the most pleasant of the bunch. On par with Canadian, probably. Continental Europe is worse, America is worse, the rest of the world is much worse.

I was looked up and down on a daily basis, and aggressively called (among many other things, these are just the ones that spring to mind!) a blonde bitch, a jock slut, a stuck up whore - allof those were by women though

So you worked in the NHS and women called you a 'jock slut'? Wtf is that?

Men will fight women in this country bunch of cowards

Grim. I wouldn't want to hang around with a bunch of creeps who couldn't even contain their disgusting comments around colleagues.

Yes, well these comments prove how unacceptable we find this behaviour in the UK. Of course there are many British men who'll behave inappropriately but in general, if you go out with British male colleagues, friends etc they'll behave themselves! That's the point I was making. OP was saying this is a problem with British men. I was pointing out that inappropriate behaviour is often more common in other cultures and countries.

@Temuaddiction I found myself on the receiving end of angry man after I told him I wasn't interested, I was out with friends. Apparently that meant I was a 'fucking dyke'.
He reappeared at closing time spoiling for a fight, so I (being young and angry) obliged the twunt.
Not one MAN, including the friend I'd been drinking with, stepped in.
That was 30 years ago, I haven't forgotten the venom in his face because I had the temerity to say no.