To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

I would give him 1/6th. And explain you have 4 children, you and him = total divided by person.

That fact that he didn't share his own inheritance, twlls me he's just being greedy trying to guilt you into giving half of yours!

You are not responsible for either your father or your half-brother. However, it sounds like you have earmarked much of your inheritance to pay your father's debts and pay for your father's future care (which could be a considerable sum) and are also considering giving as much as half of your inheritance away to your brother.

You do have responsibilities towards your four children. You have brought them into the world and it sounds like you now have the means to provide both you and your children with financial security in the future. This inheritance has come from your grandmother and their great grandmother. Yet, you seem intent on depriving your children of this financial security and handing it over to your father and half-brother instead.

Cannot believe all my typos in this…! I can’t edit it, so… this is what I was TRYING to say!

„This is really understandable.
I’m so sorry for the rough ride you have had.
I think the point is, how would you feel if you gave him 50% money and then - for whatever reason - your relationship still breaks down?
I understand his unfinished business with your mum and how easy it is to become fixated on that being rectified with cash, particularly if the person treated him poorly.
Unfortunately though, that CAN‘T be repaired because it sounds like your mum passed without trying to fix things with him. Money can compensate, but it won’t fix neglect/ illtreatment, whatever he was the recipient of. YOU can’t fix that, with or without money, because you weren’t the one who did this to him.
Your brother may not be a cf, Per se. but he does sound like he isn’t being reasonable because of all his difficult feelings towards your mother. He’s transferring all that expectation of closure onto you, but it’s futile because you aren’t his step-mother, even if he seems to be conflating the two of you. Money isn’t going to fix this. And dare I say it, money isn’t going to protect you from the possibility of this relationship breaking down. If anything, money only complicates complicated relationships.
I can’t make assumptions about your brother but the biggest flags here to me are: you feel vulnerable in this relationship and are recently bereaved. Your brother is resolute about you giving him a set amount of money. That is a bit worrying to me, whatever his motivation. He isn’t going to get what he needs emotionally from that money. Both of you are going to find this difficult to work through without support for these horrible feelings.

There is no rush to make any decisions/ give away any money/ do anything at all.
My advice is to not do anything AT ALL - maybe get some legal advice/ engage in some therapy before making any decision at all and even then I would give it a considerable window of time.

Wishing you all the best and so sorry for your losses.

Nothing to do with him. Keep it, he's not entitled to anything.

He didn’t share his so why should you.

When your mum was making her will she would have been advised about the implications of not mentioning your half brother in her will. Her solicitor would have gone through that in detail and I would presume that your mum in leaving your half brother out of her Will wanted you to inherit the entire estate as she would have known the he stood to inherit the entirety of his inheritance own mothers estate so I think fair is fair he got his mothers estate you got yours

What would your gran have wanted? Mine would have wanted the money to go to me and my kids, not to a sometime step child from whom my mum was estranged.

OP should not give any of the money to her HB.
He is a complete chancer and manipulator.

OP's mum was not married to HB's father.
OP's mum did not make a will, she could have done.
HB had no relationship with OP's mum for 20 years.
OP has 4DC. HB has no DC
The money is from OP's GM NOT her mother
HB didn't give OP any money when his DM died, yet expects OP to do exactly this.

He is being a complete CF.
OP is feeling guilty and being guilt tripped for things she is absolutely not responsible for. She needs to reframe why she feels she needs to give him money - legally and morally she doesn't owe him anything.

or, if she was unkind/ abusive, to manipulate him into compliance…
My sociopathic father would regular tell me as a child that if I ever upset my sm, I would be disinherited. (I was terrified of him and v compliant, even before things like this were said) so I do have sympathy and compassion for the half brother‘s messed-up mindset towards this situation. But, simply, he needs professional support to work through whatever was done to him. The OP isn’t responsible for „putting this right“ and actually money WON‘T put it right. X

Don't give him anything, sorry for your loss also x

I think 25% is more than fair under the circumstances

Where are your priorities, your brother or your dc.

Personally if he's going to be awful with anything less than 50% I'd give him nothing.

Tell him you are putting 75% into trust funds for your dc she will share the remaining 25% with him so 12.5%

That way you are both getting the same amount.

You can do what you want but no way would I be limiting what my dc got for my materialistic brother who only values me for money.

The maternal grandmother can choose where the money goes. She did. The OP

Whatever you inherited directly from your Gran has nothing to do with your brother. He didn't share what he got from his mother.

I'd split evenly what you got from your mother and if that means 50% of £1000 = £500 or 50% of £0 is £0 so be it.

Maybe she did.

Maybe he pestered her about it and she agreed to get a bit of peace.

If she'd wanted him to have a share she would have told you, or made a will - or at least written a note to be read after her death. She didn't.

Whatever she left is your legacy, not his.

The point here is that you inherited directly from your Grandmother who wasn’t related in any way to your brother .I assume your grandmother didn’t promise your brother anything and didn’t leave him or your father anything in her will ?
If this is the case then he isn’t entitled to anything either legally or morally . It makes no difference what your mother promised , it wasn’t her money to leave and your grandmother chose to give it all to you
Was your brother close to your grandmother ? If he was maybe you could let him have something to remember her by - a trinket or something , otherwise I wouldn’t give him a penny .

Does your half brother support you and your children financially? Has he done in the past ? Does he deem it his duty to look after you ? If not, then no you shouldn't share your inheritance. Too often women are guilt tripped into handing over their inheritance over fear of being selfish,.greedy or being ostracised by family.
The narrative needs to change.

Why would your mum leave someone money in her will that she is not related to.

He's being ridiculous, your mother left nothing to either of you.
What your Grandmother has left you is nothing to do with him, in the same way that what his relatives have left him is nothing to do with you.

Your grandmother is not his family. You have 4 children to see to and make sure their lives are secure.
You are being very generous to give him a small amount He'll never be satisfied with anything you give so make sure you don't give much or nothing at all. I certainly wouldn't give 10/20/50 %
He's taking the piss.
You may have to disengage from this relationship for you our mental health.

If you give your step brother some he can argue that he is entitled to more.

If it were me - I'd take the lot! Just like he did when his mum died!

I wouldn’t give him 2.5% personally.

If you do give your half brother some of DGMs inheritance you are in fact opening the door that you agree to his entitlement and he will use that if he decides to pursue it legally.
If you do give him some you should take legal advice to ensure he has no further call or right to this money and depending on how much give him you will have to declare it to HMRC

I have read alot of your comments to other people and can see your saying your happy to share but think half is to much.

I lost my dad before and when I got the inheritance it wasn't a huge amount but I actually didn't want the money because I would have preferred my dad than the money.

If 25% is enough to buy a house outright, then I'm struggling to see any other reason apart from greed that you want to hold on to 75%. If it was say only 1 thousand then I would see why you would want a bigger share so you can actually purchase something special with it. But the amount your saying..?

If it was me, I would probably divide the money equally between myself, my dad, my bother and my children. Because if your mum was alive and together with your dad then he would have benefited, and then in turn if your dad passed it would go to your brother.
Your kids I would consider if the sum is so large purely because I'm not selfish and feel it would give my children a starting point to buy a house and the grandparents would want that.

Sorry if I sound harsh, just I feel that it's only money, don't fall out over money.

You keep referring to it as your mum's money. It never was. It was your grandparents. I would be really angry if my beneficiary gave a bunch of it away to another person in such circumstances. I am leaving my money - whatever there may be - to the person/people I want to. If they aren't in my will, it's because I wished it that way.