To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

I'm wondering the same thing??... it that's the case then it should be shared..

If your Mum had a troubled relationship with him, then I cannot for the life of me see her saying privately to him that once she was dead, he would be receiving anything of her parents estate....

That just doesn't make sense.

And I have to say if my DD's half brother (from DH previous relationship) came along expecting to benefit from my parents estate, he would be told clearly to go and jump.

Take your own time making the decision on what you want to do. Maybe the therapy will help you see with more clarity. I hope you are treating yourself with the empathy and compassion you are treating your brother.

OP's dad is still alive and anything he has is probably going on his care - I would imagine - doesn't sound like there is going to be much/any from what OP says. Inheritance passed down from maternal grandmother skipping OP's mother as she died first. Half brother was not related to the grandmother and has received an inheritance from his own mother.

Personally I wouldn't as it came from your grandmother not your mother (and I would tell him that), but I think you should counter his "she said I get half" with "she told me the opposite". Plus he has already inherited from his own mother albeit a much smaller amount.

People can become really weird about inheritances (and make up stories). Frankly, I think he sounds like he is chancing it and I think you know full well your mum wouldn't have said he'd get a share. Is he using emotional blackmail on you as well? Giving him some money is no guarantee he will stay in your life, or that he would only pop up when he wants a bit more of your inheritance.

So, he's already had an inheritance from his own mother which he did not share and now he expects you to share yours that you received from your own mother?? That makes no sense. He sounds awful.

The phrase 'What's mine is mine and what's yours is also mine' comes to mind.

Just say no.

Upon hearing that you have four children, I change my opinion.
I would give your brother no more than one years wage in the bank. I would also invest in a house that he can reside in for his life but is owned, in trust. for your own grandchildren.

Your brother is due nothing materially but is due respect, kindness and generous care. He is materialistic so could easily be another waster in the family.

Make yourself secure and secure housing for your four children so that they don't need large interest payments and can consentrate on their education, careers and the security of their families..

So your mum and you and you brothers dad were together. Your mum died , and left everything to you gran. Your gran has recently died and you have inherited. Your brother doesn't recognise this as your grans money he sees it as your mums and feels he should get half.

Firstly he could be lying, there's no proof she said that. If she didn't speak to him fit twenty years it's highly unlikely she wanted him to receive half her money.

If you can afford to and have a good relationship with him I would give him a small amount. (Say 10%} as a gift not inheritance. But you are right you could set your children up either way this money and they plus yourself should be your first priority.

It’s absolutely nothing to do with your mum and what she said and all about what your gran wanted. If 25% will cause a rift I wouldn’t give him anything but maybe put some of that money aside in a savings account for if he comes round (if you’re feeling generous!) Put you and your kids first.

Mum didn’t inherit from gran, gran died after mum so this is all based on the presumption from mum that gran would die before her. The money was never her mum’s to leave.

Sorry, I got that wrong. What I mean is the money was never mum’s. Gran always had the money but mum assumed it would come to her and ‘told’ the brother she would leave him half. Mum never actually had the money so all this is actually irrelevant. The money was always gran’s and went straight to granddaughter.

Ahh ok so it wasn't even your mums money!!! He reads like a CF to me.

Tell him there will no money now but there will be an inheritance for him in your will. It’s up to you what, if anything, that is, but make it clear the matter is closed for discussion. If he’s as materialistic as he sounds he won’t jeopardise the prospect of inheriting from you, but you’ll have to make clear to your own family what you want him to have.

If both of you actually read the OPs posts, you'd see that she's already answered this question and that none of the money has come from her father, who is still alive, none from her late mother, who wasn't the mother of her half-brother but all from her maternal grandmother, who was no relation to the half brother and had nothing to do with him.

OP wants to give a big handout of money to someone that has no claim on it, to the detriment of her children, who she obviously doesn't like very much.

Why should she? OP inherited from her grandma, a woman who is not related to OP's half brother. OP should keep all the money for her and her children. Her grabby brother can go away.

Why would you give him anything at all? Your Mum did not include him in her will. End of story.

Don’t be guilt tripped! He’s had his cake now he wants some of yours. Your Mum could have made allowance for him if she’d wanted, she didn’t, that’s life.
Enjoy your inheritance, celebrate your mum.

Hey OP, not even sure if you’ll read this but it sounds like he’s a chancer and v greedy if he is saying no to an amount that would buy him a place outright. I wouldn’t give him anything based on his lies and behaviour. I have absolutely no idea what your mother did to him but this isn’t your mother’s money, it was your grandmothers and she is leaving it to her heirs. He is not one.
Think of it as every £ you give to him, is taking it away from your children.
I was a people pleaser and it takes work to change your mindset but I have, and you can too. Good luck xx

You have family - 4 children. If he walks away then let him.

Agree.. and grandma!

OP your DM said (according to the DB) she would split any inheritance she gets between him and yourself. She ‘said’ it but didn’t write these wishes in a will.
She didn’t inherit anything as she died before her own mother so there isn’t anything of hers to split.
If you do really want to give something to your brother then you give him a small anount. Enough for a car for example,

He had an inheritance from his own mother but the OP has received the inheritance from her grandmother. OP's mother pre-deceased her mother (OP's gran) so there was no money from her mum to leave.

Because she has stated repeatedly that she wants to give some money to her brother. And since it's her money she has every right to, even if legally and morally she doesn't have to.

And lots of people on this thread can see what will happen next.... he won't be happy with whatever OP gives him, so will want more and more... always with the veiled threat of going NC, because OP didn't give in.

Anyway, OP has said she won't be back. I do hope this thread has given her lots of food for thought, and the strength to believe she isn't legally or morally obliged to give him a penny.

unfortunately, I think OP has totally clouded this thread by stating it’s her mother’s estate in the title, when it’s actually her grandmother’s estate.

@Anonymouslyasking you’ve said there was “no will”. can I ask if you mean your mum or grandmother (or both) didn’t leave a will?

if your gran left a will, I would follow that to the letter as a matter of respect for your grans wishes.

just don’t tell your DB how much the estate was. He has no legal right to know, and would have to wait til it’s gone through probate to find out for himself.

if it makes you feel better, of course you can gift him whatever you want. But not under the threat of him going NC unless you give him half. That doesn’t sound like a loving brother.