To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

he is lying.

Honestly I wouldn’t give him anything but if you REALLY want to why don’t you split it 6 ways?

Your 4children, you and him? That way he’d get about 16%

No way would I give him half!!!

If not giving him half means you'll be estranged, why not keep the lot? You may as well hang for a sheep as a lamb.

If you want to help him because you love him, it's entirely up to you what you should give him. Don't let anyone bully you into making a decision. You know how much you want to give him. It's your choice, and not his.

You said 1/4 would buy him a place. I wouldn't give him money, I would buy a place he can use all his life, but which will go to your dc once he dies.

Stops him pissing the money away, and stops you taking away from your dc (in the long run), while still allowing him to benefit from it.

The actions of your mum are not a reflection of your actions and you. His level of entitlement (he's had his mum's inheritance already, you said he thinks his is his and yours is ours) is actually abusive: You're feeling like you need to sort him out because you always have, plus it's held over you.
You can make a choice now to set up your own life and that of your children in a way in which it sounds like you two didn't get. He's a grown man. Not one of us is entitled to inheritance: we are only entitled to what we have worked for. Sound like he needs to take responsibility for himself and the direction of his life, not rely on handouts from you or anyone else.

Language Timothy!

Yep, this. Take care of your kids and your own financial security as a priority, with financial advice. What you have left would involve the likely costs of providing care for your shared father. Offer if you must to absolve him if responsibility for that as his gift. It will likely be a large amount over time.

Well, it's apparent that she did NOT want that, or she would have changed her will. There is no way you can even know if he is being honest.

Just tell him, you, DHB, got YOUR mother's inheritance and I am getting MY mother's inheritance. End of story. What did he do with HIS mother's inheritance? He sounds grabby and selfish.

If he falls out with you over this, he isn't a decent human being and I would not be bothered.

The graph of "AIBU" shows you what is the right move. 98% are telling you it's YOUR mother and YOUR inheritance. Why didn't he share HIS mother's inheritance?

Honestly @Anonymouslyasking you need to tell him that regardless of what your mum promised him it was never her money.
You've inherited money from your Nan and he’s no more entitlement to it than you had to his mums money…
just tell him that it was your nans money and it will be going to your children and not to him.
sorry but you’re better off never seeing him again than giving your children’s future security away!

Your children are your most important family. That 25% will benefit them far more than your half brother who will not stop at half by the way. He will keep chipping and chipping away.
Stop the dysfunction now. Put your children first. Do not give him a penny.

If you give him "some", what's to stop him from taking you to court and using the fact that you gave him "some" as proof he is entitled to half?

It's YOUR grandparents' money and has not a thing to do with your half-brother.
His sense of entitlement is disturbing to say the least.
If your grandparents had wanted him to have any money, they would have put that in their will and your mother would have put it in her will. They didn't.

You have children to consider and honestly, they are much more important than your half-brother. He has zero respect for you or your family, yet you want to bend over backwards for him? Just WHY?

If you are also going to be paying for your father's care then your children could potentially not benefit at all. I wouldn't be able to look them in the eye if I had given away 25% and spent the rest on care for my parent.

Considering your mum didn't even get the money then it doesn't really matter what she may or may not have done with it because your grandmother gave it to you. Sounds like he's lying I would ignore and cut contact.

OP, if you do come back to read this, you said that both of your parents were wastrels.
If she'd inherited it I doubt there would have been all that much left for her to leave.

She certainly wouldn't have held onto the whole amount so she could pass half on to the son of her partner.

Of course he feels that way. He is greedy and a nasty human being.

It is YOUR money and your children's money. He had no involvement with your maternal grandparents, and this sob story of thinking he should get money because your mother didn't treat him well is poppycock.

I'd give him nothing, since he will only be satisfied with half, and your father has zero say in the matter.

The ONLY ones you need to consider are your family unit, which does NOT include him. He is "extended family". He is emotionally blackmailing you and you are letting him.
You, your DP/DH if you have one, and your children and your children's future children. Your half-brother has no dog in this hunt, no matter how much he whines. .

Again, he can "say" whatever he wants about what your mother might have said, but she didn't put it into practice and frankly, I think he's lying through his teeth to get his hands on more money. He must be another waster, since he got money from HIS mother.

He is manipulative.

He is greedy.

He does not want equality - he wants something that is not his.

If you were in trouble could you count on him? Really, truly count on him?

You are not responsible for your mother's actions. For him to make you feel responsible tells you all you need to know.

Your first duty of care is to your children. Talk to a financial planner, set up trusts, pensions, old age care for you and dh etc.

See what is left and go from there.

If you have to pay someone to "be in your life", then that person isn't worth having you in his life.

You have a wonderful family with your children. A man trying to extort money from you through emotional blackmail is not someone I'd WANT in my life.

Sorry, but you need to wake up and see reality.

So how did your mum tell your half brother that he’ll inherit half when your mum hadn’t even inherited anything from her mum yet?

I think you should keep your half, and split the other 50% between your four children and half-brother, so 10% each, and I would consider that generous.

I’m a step mum and my will contains a codicil stating my stepdaughter is to inherit equally to biological children. If your mum wanted him to inherit she’d have done this too. Keep your money!

Definitely carry on with the counselling. He's trying to take you for a ride and playing on your people pleasing nature.

Don’t give him anything.

He’s trying to take advantage of your kind nature.

He’s had his mothers inheritance.

Tell him your DM told you that she didn’t want him to have any of it.

What your mum may or may not have said to him is irrelevant. It was your gran’s money and she wanted you to have it. Not him. You would be robbing from your children if you gave him anything. Don’t give him a penny.

OP, It's distressing to read this. Please take a pause and reflect....

The inheritance has come from your grandmother (no relation to him.)
You have 4 children.... Your grandmother's direct blood line. Your priority is them.
Picture what your grandmother would say if she knew you were giving away her inheritance....

He had an inheritance from his own bio mother. He didn't share with you.
He has no children.

He is greedy, entitled and a user. He will sponge off you repeatedly if you don't grow a backbone and put your family first.

Clearly he is playing on your good nature and feeling of guilt. But you aren't responsible for your mothers actions. Perhaps she saw something in him that you dont. 20 years no contact and now he's back demanding his rights""!!!

Open your eyes OP and see him for what he is.

I think we've all sussed him out going by previous posters.

You don't know what life is going to throw at you in the future. You say you will care for your father, so I take it your half brother (his son) hasn't offered to help.
You and your children are going to need that money. Dont fritter it away.

I wouldn't give him anything. If your mum wanted him to have something she would have told you or put it in a will. You are not responsible for the decisions your father made or the pain those decisions caused. If your brother loved you as much as you love him he would not be trying to grab half of your inheritance. Also, it never became your mothers money, it belonged to your grandparents and had they wanted your brother to have it they could easily have told you that after your mother died. If your father is the waster you has said he is, you may need to help him out in his latter years. That is very expensive.

Unfortunately , he realises this and is playing on the 'family unit' idealisation because he knows that this will make you feel like maybe it's not about the money, it's about treating him like real family and he further justifies it by guilting you about his difficult relationship with your mother. I'm so sorry, but if he truly felt that way about you being a family unit then he would have handled this differently and also your grandmother would have made sure he was included in the will, but she didn't . Your mother was very unlikely to have been talking to your brother about giving him half of this money 20 years ago and even if she had she would have mentioned it to you at some point which she obviously hadn't. Like many have said your mother never inherited anyway so it was never hers to give him a share and even if she did say anything about it 20 years ago then I doubt she would have felt that way still when he ignored her 20 years and it just doesn't ring true she would have been talking about giving him half of the money from his stepnana . I'm sorry but hes lying and giving him half would be unfair to you anyway as he would then have had more with his own mother's money. Stay strong please and don't let your grief and fear of more loss push you into making such decisions that benefit your brother but could really adversely effect you xx