To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

Op hasn't inherited her mother's estate. Op has inherited her grandmother's estate as the mother died before the grandmother.

if He wouldn’t be happy with 25% I wouldn’t give him anything as he will keep on and on about it.

keep it for your children as others have suggested.

The fact you've offered 25%, it would be a life changing amount he could buy a house with and he's snubbed the offer means I would stick to nothing.

You could hand over that huge amount, robbing your own kids of it, and he'll STILL be mad with you. (Which is outrageous by the way!). So for that reason I'd hold off giving him any amount.

Focus on your children OP. I know it's hard to have a dysfunctional family background, but he is part of that dynamic and as an outsider looking in it's not good for you.

Sorry for your loss. Give your half brother what you feel is the right amount. Your mum left it to you to decide what happens with it, so how much you want to give him is your own choice x

If in doubt, RTFT.

This^^

it wasn’t your mothers money ever, he has already had half of her money as it was half of nothing. It was your maternal grandmother’s money, who did not have a relationship with your half brother. In fact your mother also didn’t for 20years.

He won’t be happy with 25%, he will break your relationship anyway. I’d give him sweet fuck all. Put you and your family first. That money can put your children through university and set them up for life. I bet he doesn’t have a relationship with them either. He doesn’t have one with you except when he wants something.

Exactly

He’s disingenuous. You shouldn’t feel remotely guilty about saying no now.

This is the dumbest post I've ever read on Mumsnet and I've been here years. You don't read an OPs posts?

RTFT-her mum died before her grandmother. Her mum left nothing. The money is her maternal grandmother’s

You should keep the lot. And accept that it will cost you the relationship. And move on. I know that sounds blunt, but your gran left you this money. Doesn’t matter what your mum said to him 20 years ago. You should set yourself and your children up with your gran’s money and just cut him off. If you have offered 25% of a lot of money and he’s rejected it, he’s showing you what a prick he is.

you offered 25%
he said no
there is now no offer
and he gets zero
the end

and you should not pay for your dad’s care. That is madness. Care costs thousands and thousands every month and you will go through 6 figures before you know it and impact your children’s futures.

be very careful. Keep all of it. And look after it.

@Anonymouslyasking 10% or 15% ?

I think your brother knows you have a tendency to take responsibility for his happiness and he is unfortunately working you hard!!! I have read all your comments and your grandmother would never have left him a penny if she had a will. You know that. You have 4 children and your responsibility is to them. Give him a token amount...say 5% because you love him. But write him a kind letter along side to explain your decision.

Whatever you do; if it's not 50% your brother will emotionally try to lean on you and try to break you. Probably by freezing you out. Don't be manipulated. I doubt your relationship will survive this unless you give him 50%, so don't try to appease him. Talk this through with your psychologist. I think your thought to give him 25% is because of your people pleasing tendancies. He/she will help you shelf that and make a reasoned judgement. Then help you manage the unreasonable guilt you place on yourself 👍

Good luck op ❤️

You might be right. If I gave half away I couldn't look my children in the eyes... If I give him less there will be a unrepairable rift between us

I doubt I'd feel the same way about him after this palaver anyway.

He didn't give you a brass farthing of HIS inheritance; your mum said nothing of her supposed wishes to you; your grandmother did not regard him as a relative; you have four kids (versus his 0) to provide for; and he's stuck his nose up at your already very generous offer of 25%.

Tell him to get tae fuck.

This will come off as mean and petty. But I could see people in my own family doing something like this. Could it be possible your mum knew she would pass before your gran when she supposedly told him, he'd inherit after she did. In a backward way of saying he wouldn't inherit anything?

It's not your mum's inheritance. It is yours, derived from your grandparents. Would she have wanted a share to go to an unrelated (to her) person that happens to be your step brother, who doesn't appear to have treated her daughter that well? Think not.

He didn't share with you! Why must you share.

He put his cards on the table not sharing with you.

This is my understanding.

Grandmother had a will leaving inheritance to her daughter. If her daughter pre-deceased her then the inheritance would go to her daughter(granddaughter/OP). The daughter did die before her mum, the OP's grandmother so therefore grandmother's wealth went wholly to granddaughter/OP.

If grandmother died before her daughter then the wealth would go to daughter who could do what she pleases but this didn't happen.

As the OP's parents were not married the half brother was not a stepson or blood relation to the daughter and grandmother is only half brother to the granddaughter.

As the half brother didn't share his own mother's wealth because his half sister wasn't a blood relation of his mother then he has no claim to OP's inheritance, he can therefore as previously said "go fuck himself".

I guess the issue is that i have is that I have very little family left, I love him dearly and I'm scared he won't be in my life if I don't give in.

I'm so sorry for your situation, but if you feel like your half-brother will only stay in your life if you give him this huge amount of money, that's not a good and healthy sibling relationship. And you might be disappointed about how much he sticks around after you've given him the money, anyway.

He feels it's unfair and that because we're a family unit we should share equally

Your family unit is you, your kids and your partner (if you have one). They are your first responsibility. It's not logical to stretch that idea of fairness out to wider extended family.

If him and your mum didn't get on and didn't even speak for 20 years do you really think there is any chance in the world that she would have promised him half her money - and without even mentioning it to her own daughter?

I 100% think he is lying to you - basically trying to manipulate you into giving him money that he has absolutely no right to. Knowing that, why would you give him anything at all? And even if you mum did say it (which I don't believe for a second) then she obviously would have changed her mind in the 20 years of not speaking to him. No one leaves half their money to someone they don't speak to for 20 years because they don't get on.

It's all bullshit OP, I wouldn't give him a penny.

OP, what do you think is the right thing to do.

Do not in any way share your inheritance with him. It's none of his business. Who does he think he is such cheek. Not his mum if she wanted him to have anything she would have said so. It will cause a fall out but that will show his true character. My sisters and families have not spoken to me for3 years because I would not under sell mum's house to one of my nephews. 4 siblings would have been giving him £8300 each! I have my own family to take care of. Take care of you as your mum would have wanted.

Yes but I bet he wants the house in his name to do with it what he likes, eg remortgage, sell etc. OP states that this brother is materialistic and has no DC so he probably wouldn’t keep the house in good order either. And I bet as I said before here and others have said he’ll be back for more money in the future. He didn’t speak to OP’s mother for 20
years either though this could’ve been both there faults yet resents her for upbringing and this money is obviously a salve to him as “she owes him something for the bad treatment of him”. It’s all a bit of a shitshow.