To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

Hard no. I'd not give him a cent.

Harsh, perhaps. But next he'll want a loan, then this, then that. It will never end.

I think he's a CF, toying with your emotions to get what he wants.

It was never your mother’s inheritance. She died before her mother so it’s your inheritance. Your grandmother has no legal relationship with your half brother and you have no legal imperative to give him any of your maternal line inheritance, particularly when the familial relationship lies with your father and not your mother.

A goodwill gesture offering a small percentage may be a compromise. It doesn’t sound like he’d settle for that so you’ll have to do a take it or leave it offer but do so through a lawyer to protect yourself.

i’m going to have a similar issue with my half brothers especially as two earn loads and any inheritance will be a pittance but my other one hasn’t left home yet and scrounges off his parents and will expect to live in the family home after their death. Because the other two think of it as irrelevant to them they’ll outvote me. I’m resigned to getting nothing. If only men could stop having babies with multiple women to ease these ridiculous post-humous politics.

Who did your Gran leave the money to?

You inherited from your grandma. Your grandma wanted you to have her money and your brother is not her relation. Don't give it to your half brother who has his own family to inherit from. You and your four children deserve all the money. Don't give him a penny.

I think that in your circumstances I would give him a sixth. I would then put a sixth aside for each of your children and a sixth for you.

He is getting exactly the same as you so that’s “fair”.

I would not go plundering your children’s shares to give him more.

Good Lord. This is much more complicated than it need to be.

If I am correct in what I have read:

Your gran had your mum as her original heir but as your mum passed away before your gran the inheritance falls to you. So you inherit direct from your gran.

Half brother is absolutely nothing to do with your maternal grandmother so has not been named as a beneficiary.

Your mother had a difficult relationship with her step son, that resulted in many years of no/low contact and was not named as a beneficiary in a written will. You have no proof that she would like him to inherit anything- other than his word.

You feel your mother could have been kind to her step son.

Either way it is a moot point. YOUR gran has requested for YOU and YOU alone to benefit from her estate.

You owe your scrounging half brother nothing.

No is a one word sentence.....greedy fucker 😬

If your Gran had no relationships with your half brother, she’d probably be turning in the grave with thought of you giving a quarter or a half of your inheritance to this man.

If you want to give him a gift from you, then by all means do. However, this is inheritance from your grandparents who he is not related to and has no connection with. They are unlikely to have wanted it to go to a non-relative. He also sounds greedy and entitled to even suggest a 50:50 split.

But she didn’t tell you.

Even if she had it was never her money. She died before it passed to her so it wouldn't matter.

OP, if your gran had died first, your brother wouldn't be receiving 50% of that money.

Your mum would have received it. A portion would have gone towards her and your father's debts. And as you classed her as a waster, she could have spent god knows how much before she eventually passed. You would have inherited whatever was left and your brother would still want half.

There's no real way to resolve this peacefully.

If the money would buy him a house - then buy one in your name and let him pay nominal rent - you keep the asset and he benefits from it.

You then have something for the children later.

See a solicitor and get the money tied up long term for the children or a trust funds

I would give each child 20% which leaves you 20% - can you see you don’t have 50% to give him anyway?

If this is your grandparents money and your mum died first then surely it doesn't matter what she said anyway as it was never her money. Give him some if that's what you want to do but by no means feel obliged to give him half.

It isn’t your mum’s money, it’s your grandmother’s money. And she didn’t regard him as family, nor did she make a will to include him.

Not. His. Money.

His holding you to ransom emotionally isn’t going to end well for anyone.

It's your inheritance. I wouldn't share a penny. It's nothing to do with your half brother. He inherited his mother's estate. You have inherited your mother's estate. Quite simple. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

I don’t think I’d give him anything in that case. especially not after he trie to guilt (?) me into giving him half.

He didn’t share his mother’s inheritance. So why should you?

There is no inheritance from your mother so technically he is due nothing based on that discussion

Does he know the value involved ?

I think I would give him 25% , keep 25% for me and put the remaining 50% split into 4 x LISA accounts for your children - that way you both get an equal share

You inherited from you gran, he’s not owed anything. Prioritise your children!
and if he’s ungrateful at the thought of a life changing sum, then he can have nothing and the cats home will be extremely grateful.

Be strong, don’t let him bully you 💐

So there is no inheritance from your mother this is from your grandmother who saw your brother as not her grandchild.

Your brother has only reappeared really on the beg for money. He demands half the money from a person who didn’t leave him anything and didn’t see him as family.

Frankly even 10% is too much when his attitude towards 25% wouldn’t be enough.

Dint be a push over op. Your gran wanted you, and your four children to benefit.

If you so wish I’d help his future children if/when he has them not his greedy fingers.

He is entitled to zero. So anything he gets is better than nothing. If he doesn't understand this they're will be no training with him anyway.
It sounds like life is hard work given your Dad's issues. How actively is your brother involved in caring for him? As much as you? I think that is a good indicator of his likelihood to stick around once he receives a life changing amount of money.
Personally I think he will disappear once he has the money. So think you should give him as much as you would be happy with assuming he takes it and runs. Also bear in mind that your will probably end up paying for all of your dads care.

Your priority is your children and improving your mental health and then your life. With the money you have inherited it sounds like your life could be totally different if you put your mind to it. Build your own future surrounded by people who really care about you x

He wasn't worried about being equal and fair when his mother left him money though, apparently. Honestly, he sounds dreadful. You may well lose him over this but that may also be no bad thing. I think I'd completely agree with his point of view had he split his own inheritance with you but he didn't and that changes everything. Under the circumstances I think you'd be generous to give him 10%.

*Sorry that should say if he doesn't understand this there will be no reasoning with him

OP, firstly I'm sorry you are dealing with this crap from your brother, especially at a time like this.

A few suggestions:

1. If you haven't written your own will let, please do so now
2. Do nothing immediately, talk to your therapist and only make a decision when you feel good and ready to do
3. Talk to therapist about your role as peacekeeper and the fact you tried to compensate for the way your mother treated him - that's the role you feel into but it's misplaced, you aren't responsible for the behaviour of others
4. He is entitled to nothing - legally or morally - the inheritance came from a non relative of his
5. How does he know how much you've got? First deduct and tax you owe beforehand and certainly don't split the gross figure, only the net figure
6. Could you be creative in terms of how much you got?
7. If you still think you want to give him something, I would consider a 7 way split. You, your 4 children,your brother and set a portion aside for your dad's care (don't give it to him but hang onto and pay the care costs as they arise). Essentially 14% absolute max.
8. Also consider netting off 50% of what he would have had to give you if he split his inheritance 50/50

If it were me, I would tell him that you would be afraid that if you went against your GM wishes, she'd haunt you so not risking it.

You may love him but he is taking advantage of you.

Exactly this.

It isn't your mums money that you have inherited. It is your grandmothers, who didn't see him as a grandchild. You have inherited as her grandchild.

Whatever amount you want to gift your brother is kind and generous. Pick a figure YOU are happy with and stick with it.

Then make a clear Will so your children inherit should anything happen to you.

Your brother makes his own choices. You're not responsible for him