To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

If you must give him something (and I agree with the others that you don’t owe him anything), how about 5%?
You said your inheritance is around 20 x what he inherited from his mum, so how would it be if you matched his mum?

I agree.

OP don’t give him anything yet. Give yourself time and give it some thought. If after that you want to give him 25% or 10% or just a token amount or you want to give him more then go for it but do it on the basis of what you feel is fair, what you will feel comfortable with and maybe give some consideration to what your grandparents would have felt about it. Hope you manage to figure things out x

This, lol.

Sounds good idea. I’m wondering if it would help to share it equally with your children, you and your brother putting into savings for the grandchildren if they are still young . Would that help the figures and your mother might have liked to give equal share to her grandchildren so your step bro gets less but you can see him as getting equal because you do benefit fro pm the grandchildren ps shar3 they benefit individually. Half to him no absolutely no. You love him but he’s being unfair to expect and demand anything. Goodness has he no heart you only just lost your mum.

Thats fair enough and I think a talk with your therapist is a good idea. I hate thinking of nice people like you doing things like this when you really aren't obliged to- legally or morally. Good luck.

Amazing how good someone's memory is when the promise of cash is involved! OP, you are not responsible for repairing the damage done by your mum. This money never belonged to your mum and it wasn't ever hers to give.

Do not share, half will never be enough for him. If you share you are ignoring your Mums wishes. She didn't leave him half for a reason.

I know, but it was the op that said she was thinking of giving him 25% which is why I wrote that.
I wouldn't give him anything either. He is after as much as he can get, probably closer to 75%, so no matter what op gives him he'll want more.

It smacks of "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" to me. I wouldn't be parting with even 25%. Not a chance.

So your Mum and Dad were banking on money they had yet to inherit. It seems unlikely that your Mum would have promised half and not mentioned to you but again didn't actually have the money.

The money is coming from your Grandmother and there is no reason to give half to your half brother. Your parents weren't married so your Dad would not have inherited and neither would your half brother.

Give him a little something if you really want to but only if you really want to.

I’m all for step or half siblings inheriting from parents they have been raised by, but I agree with you that you shouldn’t need to share your inheritance, because:

• He didn’t share his with you. The fact that the amount was lower is a moot point. Yours may never have materialised if your gran had needed it for care, or my mum had needed to spend it, if she survived your gran. He didn’t know for sure you’d get lots of money and chose not to share at the time.

• He hasn’t spoken to your mum in 20 years, but thinks he deserves her money? That’s ethically unsound.

• He’s making you feel like no share = no relationship with you. That’s not love. That’s emotional blackmail.

If you do decide to share, ensure you and your kids are set up first, but if you’re giving less than 50%, first ensure your brother accepts that. I wouldn’t give him anything if he’s going to take the money and cut you off. Like I say. That’s not love.

I think I can piece together what's happened here from the brother's perspective.
He assumed that the mum would outlive the grandparents, and therefore he would be one degree of separation from the money, which he would then either have, or say he had, a claim to. He thought of it as her money. As did she! She appears to have been making promises about money she didn't have.

The fact that the mum predeceased the grandmother has totally ruined his assumptions about the natural order of things and he wants the OP to make that right and restore what he assumed would play out.

This all just goes to show you can never assume with inheritances. People can die in unexpected orders. Remarry. Even if their wishes are clear (which they aren't here), circumstances can change overnight.

Does he know how much you got ?
Give him what you want and tell him it was half .

Or tell him to feck off

I would give zero. I would have a lot of therapy to unpack your feelings. You do not need to make any quick decisions. Your love shouldn't be bought.

You should go with what your GP wanted. Your mum could have included a will if that is what she wanted.

Be wary of feeling rich and offering to pay for the best care for your dad for the rest of his life. Someone I know just used a weeks nursing care for respite for a relative and it was £1700 - that's £88,400 a year. Imagine the cost after a decade/ 2 decades? He might not need nursing care now but he might one day. If your dad has no money you would be better to let him be assessed for funding and when the local authority puts forward the care home that they propose for him if it is not suitable/not good then look into paying only a top up for somewhere nicer.

I think you need to remember that your Mum never inherited as sadly she passed before your Gran. You inherited direct from Gran and unless Gran stipulated otherwise in her will it is up to you what you do with your inheritance.
If you want to offer your brother 25% do that. Tell him he can choose to accept it or choose not to - up to him. The more you engage with letting him make you feel bad and pressure you the more he will do it. If it's say £300k or whatever just say "It's 300k more than you would give me if the boot were on the other foot".

Even if he chooses to end his relationship with you (probably after accepting the cash!) that would be his choice. As you have 4 children that you will try to offer extra curricular activities, house, driving lessons, cars, uni, house deposits I would think it would be worth it to keep an extra £300k (for example) for your kids.

Your Mum should have made provision in her will if that was her wish.It shouldn't be down to you to make the decision. Not sure what I would do. Depends on the amounts involved

Do not give him anything. It was from your grandmother to you.

I was thinking 25% but he's not satisfied with that
he's got his begging bowl out AND he thinks he can name his price!!

Split it equally with you, four kids and him. So you each get a sixth. But you control the kids amount.

I wouldn't do more than 25 percent. I feel bad for his childhood but I wouldn't expect to inherit anything from someone I was long estranged from. It sounds like they never made up before she died.

Regardless, it was never her money anyway so that's a mute point. While it's your money to do as you see for with it now, I would think of what your grandparents would have wanted.

Out of curiosity, do you think they would have left everything to your mom anyway, since she was a "waster?"

No, this is money for you and your family. Your GM did not view him as a GS and she left not a penny to him. This isn't really about you making a sacrifice for him, this is about you making a sacrifice for your kids.

I get that you feel responsible for him, but you're not. You're responsible for your children. Equally, what your mother may or may not have said or done is completely irrelevant here. It was never her money.

You didn’t actually inherit from your mum though. So yes give him half of whatever your mother left to you.

you keep whatever you inherited from your gran as he is not related to your grandparents.

He had his own mother to inherit from and he didn't share any of it with you.

He's full of shit.

Tell him no. Firmly.

Am sorry - if your grand parents wanted him to have a portion, they’d have left him something. To share it with them when they, like your mother, clearly intended for you and our four children to benefit to the exclusion of him seems to be disrespectful. If this were a case of a full brother being disinherited after a family row where you felt he was hard done-by, then fine, esp if those parents mentioned to you that they were considering capitulating.

But you only have his word for it and he is wanting to benefit from grandparents who were unrelated to him. At the expense, however you wash it, of your children and their offspring.

Honestly Anon, I think you should speak to your solicitor and have them draft a letter stating that a) he is not entitled to anything and b) that your mother had she wished to share her estate with him would have drafted her will accordingly (your grandmother also), and c) he should desist from contacting you regarding this matter as it is your intention to honour your mother’s wishes as communicated to you in person and evidenced in the will.

And then go no contact. You don’t need this on top of your grief.

So sorry this should happen at a time when you are mourning.