To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

Hang on, what? It was never your mum's money. Even if her will had left money to your half brother, he wouldn't have gotten any of it, because it belonged to your grandmother - who obviously didn't leave him anything. Why does he feel entitled to your grandmother's money? That's so bizarre.

I think he set the precedent when he didn't share his inheritance with you. It seems odd that your mum would be saying different things to you and him. If she had wanted him to have a share she should have made a will.
Depending on a number of factors - how much did you both inherit, how close is the bond between you, your respective economic circs you may want to give him something but half seems OTT

But your mum never did inherit from your gran. And it's very unlikely she would have told your brother any such thing without mentioning it to you.

that's not what she told me, that's not what's written in the will and that's not the precedent you set with your mum's inheritance

I was going to post 100% this, but then i saw your extra updates.

but more relevantly.. it literally is your gran's estate which passed to you.

why are you even giving his ridiculous, grabby demands headspace?

NO is the answer. you're basically giving this half brother estate wealth which should be going to your kids if you want to give it away..

it's unbelievable that he's even asking, never mind for half of what was never your mum's to give away (verbally or in a written will).

Of course you don’t share it OP. He has inherited from his mum already and didn’t share and now he wants half of yours??? It sounds like he’s just trying his luck but also revealing his true colours in the worse possible way.

His refusal of a quarter of the inheritance speaks volumes to me. I'd be ashamed to ask for anything, rather embarrassed to accept a generous offer of 25%, but it would never in a million years occur to me to come back and ask for half of it. He knows it's not his, but he's counting on your kind nature (and sense of guilt for something that was in no way your fault) to get as much as he can.

It must make things difficult that you love him, but that doesn't change the fact that he's asking for far too much. I hope you won't make the mistake of giving in to his unreasonable demands. Don't let your affection for him blind you to the truth.

This 100%

@Anonymouslyasking just to echo what others have said. The inheritance was from your grandmother to you. Legally, although it could have come via your mother, it didn't and therefore your half brother doesn't have a claim on it.

You have your own family and your father to care for, and that is where your priorities should be for now, including grieving for your family.

Give it 12 months and see how you feel then. Promise nothing and take it a day at a time. It is amazing how a bit of time, distance and reflection can pop everything into perspective. If then you still want to give him something you can but at least you will be making a less emotional decision, having hopefully worked through some of the underlying guilt through therapy.

Good luck.

The Op has 4 children. The half brother has none.

Yet, the half brother is demanding 50% of her money, with no consideration for her children's own future inheritance. That speaks volumes. He cares for no one but himself. So it is well beyond time that the OP starts looking out only at her and her children.

OP, pull you big girl pants up and tell your so called DB to get lost. You will still have family if he leaves, your own children. Don't ruin their future chances in life, that your grandmother's inheritance will provide them, for a manipulative, snivelling snake that is your half brother.

Given I now see you’ve 4 children, I’m revising what I said in previous posts.

Give your half brother nothing. You’ll have tax to pay on your inheritance, you said you’ll pay for any extra care your Dad might need, you have four children, etc.

If your mum was alive and inherited instead of you, do you actually think she would have given half to this man ? Or would she have spent her way through it and left the remainder to you or perhaps wouldn’t even have made a will.

I would strongly advise to tell your brother you’ve reconsidered and you are not giving him anything.

Funny how she told him that when neither you nor a solicitor was present.

OP you need to stand up for yourself. This inheritance is absolutely nothing to do with your mum, as circumstances have happened you have not inherited from your mum at all hence no reason whatsoever to share with your half brother.

You have inherited from your grandmother - you.

Anything your mum may or may not have mentioned to your brother in the past is entirely 100% irrelevant, as this is not inheritance from your mums estate and even if she had a will stating that in the life circumstances that have actually happened it would not have actually paid this out to him anyway.

That is life and is just what it is. It is not unfair it is just life - and that’s ignoring the fact that your mum did nothing to actually provide for her own estate to go to him in at all anyway.

Your brother needs to get over himself and accept that. You need to be strong and robust in your position.

Do not rush into any decision.

“If” you feel you would like to gift him something, that is entirely separate and he does not get to dictate or demand how much any such gift may be - all he gets is to be grateful for anything you may choose to gift him.

Take your time, this is your inheritance not his. Provide for you and your children first.

When he dies who will he leave his money to - does he have a wife/children ?

I wouldn't be giving him a penny, he had inheritance from his side which he didn't share.

If he was meant to have any of it then a will would have stated it.

You have dependents use it for their benefit not someone who is clearly money hungry.

Your responsibility is to your children. Not to him
However guilty you think you feel now would be nothing compared to how guilty you'd feel not doing right by your children for the sake of a man who's barely been in your life and had no relationship with your mum or by the sounds of it your grandma

Also agree with this. Your mum cannot promise money to someone that isnt actually hers. I cannot promise money to anyone that doesnt belong to me- thats ludicrous. Its not my money to give!

Your brother is a parasite and he's blackmailing you. I can guarantee that if you give him 25% he will throw a massive strop and threaten to cut you off in the hope you'll cave and give him 50%. Even if you do give him 50% (which you shouldn't) you've said he's materialistic and selfish so he'll fritter it all away on material stuff and then come back to beg for more- after all, if you loved him you'd give him more right? By giving him anything you are planting the seed that you are his ATM and he can use emotional blackmail on you to just top the amount up every time he spends some of it. It won't end here- after a few months he'll want more and more and more. You are his cash cow. No more, no less.

Cut him off.

He'd be getting fuck all from me

He didn't want to share his mum's inheritance with you - fine
That doesn't mean you have to share a penny with him though

He's chancing his arm and he's a CF

He can say what he likes - that doesn't mean he's entitled to a penny

Dreadful advice, the OP has four children of her own to think of.

I’ve just seen you have 4 children!

So this man is taking what’s your only inheritance (unless your DH gets one) and is happy to see his nieces/nephews miss out simply because he was treated badly by his stepmum.

It’d be a swift no from me again as I said before.

No, the thing is that your brother thinks your money is his and his money is his.

He's not happy with 25% when he knows that's a life changing figure which would buy him a house.

Nothing will make him happy, you realise that? That's not your fault. I'm sure you suffered with your mum, just like he did. But when he inherited from his own mother (so your mum wasn't the only mum he had) he knew that money belonged to him. He was right. Now your mum's money - from your grandparents - belongs to you.

This might lose you your brother but to be honest he sounds so angry and dysfunctional I think you might be better for that.

And be careful about paying for your dad's care, too. That money could easily disappear.

It sounds as though you've had a really tough time with your family, OP. Now you have your own children and every penny you give your dad or brother is a penny taken away from your own children.

I'd be tempted to give him nothing for now and take your time to think it through in therapy. You could give him a useful lump sum, it doesn't have to be an exact percentage and less than 20%, I'd suggest. You have DC, he doesn't so you have ongoing costs and are looking after your DF too. If DB has a mortgage how much would pay it off for example?
If he's likely to refuse anything less than 50% and get angry then he gets nothing. If he agrees to your offer don't negotiate further and get it in writing that it's the end of the matter or he'll be back in a year or two asking for more. It's emotional blackmail and you'll never heal the harm your DM may have done. Not your responsibility and if he cares for you he'll value you as a sister above money.

Just tell him to fuck off

This isn’t inheritance from your mum at all so what ever she may or may not have told him is totally irrelevant!
This money is your grandparents money and is legally and rightfully 100% yours!
Your brother and mother didn’t have a good relationship … he has already inherited from his mother, and didn’t I presume even treat you to a meal out with the money! So no, sorry but I wouldn’t give him anything!!
Remind him he’s had his inheritance and that this money will be passed to your own children! Put the majority in trust funds for them now, and tell him it’s all been spoken for!
If he falls out with you over money that morally, legally and rightfully is 100% yours then he’s not worth it anyway!!!

I really hope OP is reading this.

I’d invest money (think OP has got this already) in some therapy so she can work out why she feels beholden to this man and guilty.

Not a chance… sort your children out.

The fact that he is demanding money, that when he could have shared with you in similar circumstances (and probably helped you a lot at the time) and didn’t says it all. He won’t be satisfied with whatever you give him unless it’s half so give him nothing and cut him loose

What would your grandparents have wanted? What did they think of your brother?

I'd be tempted to put the money aside for a year. As your grandparents solicitor to pay the dues from it (and potentially set up a fund for your dads care) and then invest the rest for 12 months. During that time I'd continue with your therapy and see where things are then. You've alot to take in and process and in 12 months will likely be a different person. I think your brothers interests will become more apparent in time too.