To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

Life being short doesn’t mean you have to live it like a door mat

Give him nothing. The only reason to give him any would be 1) if it was also dad's money 2) she was like a mum to him and would have wanted to split. 3) you are very close and you genuinely wanted to split.

None of these apply. Do not give 25% to save relationship because he will still not be happy. If you want to help someone help your own children.

You have four children and you're considering giving your sponger half-brother a quarter of your inheritance!!!

I totally agree with other posters: don't do a thing until you've had a chance to think about this after a shitload of therapy. How has he managed to convince you that because your DM treated him badly, YOU now owe him to make up for that? You have no responsibility for anyone else's actions and you have plenty of family other than him - your four lovely children, descendants of the GM who left you her estate.

Don't feel you need to keep in favour with him because you don't have many family members, you have four; utterly dependent on you to do the right thing by them. Not your grasping half-brother!

Apologies, caught up with the thread - no he is lucky to get a penny imp, your mum didn't leave this to you, your grand parents did, you are not responsible for his upbringing etc, I would tell offer 10% and leave it at that

So actually, you haven't got this inheritance from your Mum even - it is coming direct to you from your Grandparents. To be honest I don't think you owe anything to your Half Brother AT ALL. It WOULD have gone to your Mum, but it didn't.

I also think that you won't keep him onside, whether you give him any money at all or not. He's a CF and relying on you being a people pleaser - so he's trying to blackmail you really. If he hasn't seen your mother for 20 years, why does he think he is due 50% of money which was never, actually hers. You are looking at this the wrong way IMO. You have inherited from your Grandparents directly and it has nothing to do with him at all

How much do you think OP should share?

What was your grandparents whose money it is?

I'd say you'd be generous to give 10% to your brother and 10% towards the care of your father.

Doesn't sound like either have contributed much to yours or your children's lives. You give your brother half and fund your father's full care and you have nothing left for your kids real fast.

Whatever your mum told him is irrelevant, because the money's not coming from her. And I think he's lying about that anyway.

You owe him nothing.

Amazed he'd even ask!!!

personally i would have to risk losing him as you dont know whats going to happen anyway, what if he takes the money and you hardly ever see him? I would be using that money to set myself and my children up instead.

You didn’t inherit from your mum, you inherited from your gran and it wasn’t your mums money to promise away (if she even did). You also aren’t responsible for her behaviour toward your brother, you do not have to make amends on her behalf. Put your kids & yourself first.

Surely it doesn’t matter what your mum told him or what he believes, as the money has come from your grandparents and it’s their wishes? Why would they leave him money? He’s got it from his side and you’ve got yours, there’s no reason to split anything.

How much did he give you? I'd tell him you'll give him the same

It makes no difference what your mum promised him because she never received an inheritance. I feel bad that he was treated so badly by the adults in his life, but that isn't your responsibility to make amends for. It would be an act of kindness to give him some of your money now, but half is ridiculous. Your parents weren't married. He's not even a stepchild to the family.

I wouldn't give him anything. He didn't share his inheritance, and this has nothing to do with him. He's not owed it, legally or morally.

I'm going to guess you've spent your life lending him money or doing him favours, or cutting him slack when he has been out of order because you somehow feel guilty about how your mother treated him.

Your mother had years to make a will to leave him something if she had actually wanted to do that.
She didn't choose to do anything of the sort, so his story of your mother planning to give him half of anything she had is likely nonsense.

Your grandmother didn't want to leave him anything or she would have made provision for him in her will.

Nothing your grandmother left you has anything to do with him.

The fact he is so grasping as to ask you to give him half the money that has nothing to do with him and was never even your mothers to do anything with anyway is appalling.

When he got money, you didn't see so much as a meal in a restaurant of it.
Now you have money and 4 children to care for, I think you should share with him exactly what he shared with you.

That would be nothing because you are not responsible for the way his father or your mother, who was never his step mother at all, just the girlfriend/partner of his father treated him.

Look after your own children, he certainly won't.

I agree with all of this. Don’t disrespect your Grandparents by wasting their money on this man. They would surely want you to carefully use the money to benefit you and your children. You could give him 5% if you really want to, it sounds like that would be enough to use as a deposit for a house. He can get a mortgage to buy somewhere like most people have to.

Well that would be up to her. Is money more important than the brother. That’s how I see it.

Well, she never did inherit from your gran, did she?

Your inheritance is from your grandmother, so whatever your DM promised is totally irrelevant.

And your half-brother is a chancer. I'd tell him to do one, frankly.

Definitely no more than 25%. If you think he’s going to cut you off if you don’t share it equally then honestly I wouldn’t give him anything. He didn’t share when he got an inheritance.

@Anonymouslyasking

Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss.

Have I got this right...

Your mum died first. She didn't leave a will. Her estate goes to you via intestacy laws.
Then your gran passed away. Some/all of the estate was to pass to your mother but as she has pre-deceased her parent it now comes to you.

The money being discussed here is from your gran.

As you well know, your half brother has no legal claim to this.
If my understanding is correct, your half brother also has no moral claim to it either, because your mother (who had apparently told him he would get half her estate) has predeceased her parent. Even if your mum had left a will. Gran's money would be going straight to you.

I think you're being extraordinarily kind to give him 25%.

You've said that you're scared he won't be in your life if you don't give in. What if you do give him 25% and he still acts the arse and cuts you off. Imagine how you'd feel then.

You've indicated the sum of money that 25% represents would be enough to buy a place outright. That implies it's 6 figures. That's way to much for someone that was not related to your gran to be getting.

If you feel you must give him something in order to appease your conscience I'd suggest 10%. And that's generous considering he's entitled to nothing.

You have 4 children to think of as well as the rest of your life.
You must put yourself first.
I'd also caution about spending too much of it on your dad's ongoing care too.
This money is for you and your descendents.

Give him 10% and tell him that’s the end of it. Don’t ask him if he is satisfied. TELL him. And tell him that if he says another word, he’ll get nothing.

OP offered 25% and he rejected it. Do you think she should offer half as life it short?

This

Frankly, I'd rather have the money than a relationship with someone who was only after my money! 💁