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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share my inheritance equaly

1000 replies

Anonymouslyasking · 08/03/2024 13:00

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

OP posts:
stillplentyofjunkinthetrunk · 08/03/2024 15:36

He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

**
says it all really. What's more I bet you didn't even expect him to.

WhizzWoman · 08/03/2024 15:36

If you could set your children up for life with the money then it sounds like it must be a big inheritance.

Split into 1/6ths isn't a bad call. It's a lot less than 25% but still 'feels' right. 1/6 for you, each of your four kids and your brother.

fleurneige · 08/03/2024 15:37

OH FFS, why don't people make a clear WILL and not put families through this nonsense!!!

maddening · 08/03/2024 15:38

Do you share a father? Has he passed also? What did you each get from his estate?

Kisskiss · 08/03/2024 15:38

Do you believe him when he says your mum told him she would leave him half?
if that was her intention maybe leave him something, but if she said it 20 years ago before they stopped speaking to each other I would also disregard it, especially seeing as she had all the time in the world to make a will leaving him something, and she didnt, and their falling out may have meant she changed her mind.
in terms of fairness, she’s not his biological parent and he inherited from his biological mum, he didn’t share that with you. The money came from your grandparents actually and it’s nothing to do with him.if he feels he cannot love you because you won’t give him money then I would question the sort of person he is.
lastly, as you said , you have 4 children and it would also be life changing for them

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/03/2024 15:38

I guess the issue is that i have is that I have very little family left, I love him dearly and I'm scared he won't be in my life if I don't give in

I wouldn't worry about that OP - if this is for real then unless you give him the whole lot I'm pretty sure he'll still be in your life, asking for more

At least you accept he's actually entitled to nothing, and if he's going to moan he'll do that anyway, so really you might as well just say no

DiscontinuedModelHusband · 08/03/2024 15:39

I would say your children would be a better investment than a graspy, damaged half-brother.

What if you give him a big chunk, and he disappears from your life because he's now got what he really wanted?

You'd still end up without him, and you'd have less to help your children with.

Plus, if your mum died before your gran, it's not your mum's money anyway? So he has even less claim to it

acatcalledjohn · 08/03/2024 15:39

You offered him 25% and that wasn't good enough, he demanded more.

Someone upthread said it but I think it should be said again: now that he's rejected your kind offer (which he is neither legally nor morally entitled to), you should withdraw your offer and leave it at that.

I was already in that camp, but now that I've read that you have 4 DC and he has none I believe that even more strongly. He is greedy and making your parents' failings your responsibility. That, IMHO, is abhorrent behaviour on his part.

I wish you well. You sound like a lovely, kind and considerate person who needs support to fight off opportunists like your brother. You love him, he loves your money.

AnotherForumUser · 08/03/2024 15:40

fleurneige · 08/03/2024 15:37

OH FFS, why don't people make a clear WILL and not put families through this nonsense!!!

The maternal grandmother's will was clear. Her granddaughter-the OP- inherited direct from her grandmother as her mum had died some months before the grandmother died.

UnbeatenMum · 08/03/2024 15:41

If I inherited a huge sum I would definitely like to help out my sibling or half sibling but I also have children and they would be my priority. Plus I would be hugely irritated by him asking for half. Have you already offered him 25%? Because that seems high to me.

Mintleafcocktail · 08/03/2024 15:41

You can be absolutely sure that if the shoe was on the other foot, DB would not give her a dime

Yep- I am aghast by all these posts suggesting she gives him money when OP has clearly stated that HE has the attitude of "what's yours is mine but what's mine is my OWN". She also said if the boot was on the other foot he wouldnt give her anything at all.

Why are none of these people suggesting he give OP her share of his inheritance? its always women having to "be kind" isnt it? where is his kindness?

OP- you would be absolutely insane to give him money when it should be going to you and your 4 children. This is your grandparents money which has absolutely nothing to do with him at all. If you give him money, you are literally taking it away from your kids which is really really wrong

Seeingadistance · 08/03/2024 15:41

coxesorangepippin · 08/03/2024 13:00

He can go fuck himself

Yeah, I think this sounds about right.

MrsMitford3 · 08/03/2024 15:42

The more I read the more I see he is emotionally blackmailing you.

He will blow what ever you give him and be back for more.

He knows just what guilt buttons to push.

But it is NOT your guilt and it IS your!!! money

Don't give him a penny. Keep it and look after you and your DC!!!!!

BirthdayRainbow · 08/03/2024 15:42

What would your Gran want you to do?

If you feel he won't be happy with 25% then it has to be nothing. You're wasting money as he won't be happy or appreciative so you would be a mug, sorry, to give him a penny.

Nevermind31 · 08/03/2024 15:42

Don’t be an idiot. It is not your mum’s inheritance, it’s your grandparents. If they wanted him to have an inheritance they would have given him some.
he cannot demand anything, and I would say to him…. You did not share, you are not on my grandparents will, you are not entitled to anything, and if you don’t stop demanding and harassing me you will get nothing. I love you dearly, and I am happy to share some of my good fortune, but this is coming from my grandparents and they did not promise you anything.

Ariela · 08/03/2024 15:43

So...
Your parents were not married.
He is no relation to your grandparents
Your grandparents were the ones with the money - and that's been inherited by you.
Your mother 'apparently' told him he would inherit half - yet had fallen out with him for years?

I think he's just being grasping...

Mirabai · 08/03/2024 15:44

AmethystSparkles · 08/03/2024 15:33

@Mirabai i know but op’s mother raised him (unless I’ve got that wrong).

The money is the grandmother’s. Unless the grandmother raised him it’s irrelevant.

The father raised him too and left nothing but debts.

SamuelDJackson · 08/03/2024 15:45

OP - please prioritize your family unit and think of your children's future in this, over your chancer of a half brother. The most he could hope for from you would be a gift of whatever sum you feel you could give him, and if he was a genuinely affectionate sibling that would be all he would do - hope for a gift, and be delighted and grateful if you chose to give him anything.

Instead hes chosen to dive straight in there with demands while you are still dealing with your recent losses and are stuck in amongst the practical issues, and probably haven't even thought about how you might use your inheritance or how it could secure your children's futures. And his demands are shocking - for 50/50 split, for you to honour some unrecorded discussion he might or might not have had with your mother 20 years ago, (before he stopped speaking to her), with the added emotional blackmail that you somehow owe him this as restitution for the bad actions of the adults around him when you were both children.
There is no 'family unit' for him, hes just got an eye open for the main chance. You may love him but in demanding this and putting pressure on you he has no consideration for you, your grief or your responsibilities, just a mix of manipulation and entitlement.

Ophy83 · 08/03/2024 15:46

It doesn't matter what he is satisfied with - the inheritance is entirely yours. If you want to - and only if you actually want to - then give him some. If he reacts with anything other than gratitude that is his problem not yours. Don't take money that you would prefer your children have to give to him because you feel pressured or bullied in to doing this because you fear his reaction

therealcookiemonster · 08/03/2024 15:46

Anonymouslyasking · 08/03/2024 14:42

I absolutely want to give him something as I've said all through, I feel half is too much. I want to give him 25%
It's going to be a big chunk of money, enough to buy a place outright.
But he won't be satisfied with that

Show quote history

OP having read through your posts, I think you giving him any share of inheritance would feed into his toxic mindset where he blames you for his crap childhood

I suggest family counselling with him and keep any conversations regarding finances off the table. if he is in need and you buying him a house would help him - you can consider doing that later on. but at no point should that be seen as something owed but rather something nice you are doing for him

his relationship with you is unlikely to change. and from what you said, he doesn't sound like a nice person. he sounds like a leech. having a bad childhood is not an excuse for this kind of behaviour

you also have your own children to think about

HomeTheatreSystem · 08/03/2024 15:47

fleurneige · 08/03/2024 15:37

OH FFS, why don't people make a clear WILL and not put families through this nonsense!!!

In fairness to OP, it doesn't sound like either will (grandmother's or her daughter's) made provision for the half brother who is now demanding a share but she is trying to honour an apparent verbal agreement made by her mum for him to have something from her. I don't doubt there's a lie there somewhere on his part but she feels that as he was mistreated by the mum, he should have something.

shenandoahvalley · 08/03/2024 15:48

OMG you have four children!!

You would take from them, to give to him?? When he's already kept everything he got from his mum?

Seriously?

Did he take any of what he got from his mum and bestow it upon his step-nieces and -nephews? Did he care about them enough to even give them a token amount?

Redglitter · 08/03/2024 15:48

As pp said the money came from your Gran not your Mum so it's irrelevant what he claims your Mum said

Your describing the 25% you're considering giving him as life changing. If that's the case I'd rather put aside 20% to each of my children & let it change their life than give it to him.

50% is outrageous. You owe him nothing but if you really want go give him something divide it between yourself & your children, so 20% each and give him half of yours - 10%

I'd prioritise my children over a greedy half brother any day

chiwowowa · 08/03/2024 15:49

Just read your update that you have children, if I were you I wouldn't give him a penny. This is not your Mum's money - no matter what she may have said to your half-brother - it has come direct to you from your Grandmother.
If I was your Grandparents and left money for my grandchild and great grandchildren, I'd be beside myself if a significant chunk went instead to my daughters long-term boyfriends son. Sorry if that's blunt.

N27 · 08/03/2024 15:49

If I’ve got the family tree right, the inheritance is from your grandparents who he has absolutely zero relation to? Therefore he gets nothing.

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