To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

Right. So think about your grandparents, think about your kids who are their direct descendants - that’s where your gps would have wanted the money to go, not an entitled man who didn’t see your mum for 20 years.

Please have the sense to prioritise your kids.

"Apparently" she told him but never mentioned it to you?

Yeah...No. If he didn't share his inheritance, why on earth are you even considering sharing yours? He's a CF.

It was an inheritance from her maternal grandmother as her mum had already died and the OP's dad is still alive, albeit in need of help. I think she has no need whatsoever to reconsider her morals.

She says at 13:32

No my dad is not dead but now mentally impaired. We recently had to put all his affair in order and had to deal with the debts.

I realise the chronology is a bit difficult to understand as I'm still trying to get my head around the situation myself. My mum passed away a few months ago and my gran more recently.
The inheritance has been a subject of discussion for years by my mum and dad etc

So you'll be giving money that would make a big difference to your children to someone who wasn't left it in a will and has no familial claim to it.

Way to tell your children that you don't like them very much!!!

FUCKING HELL OP, GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ARSE!!!!!

Sorry for shouting, I'm so frustrated! You have 4 children to think about. He's already had an inheritance from his mother that he didn't give you a penny of.

This is from your DGM, for you and your children.

@Anonymouslyasking you have got everyone confused with your wording. is your bio father the father of the bro who wants the money> what exactly is the relationship between the man who appears to be the father of someone, the brother who is related to someone and your mother? how many kids did she have? doesnt look like the bro is any relationship to you or your mum so why would he think he is entitled to a penny?

You could say she told you not give him half. See what he does then.

Why on earth are you giving him anything? Let alone 25%.
Just say no and then gage his reaction as that will tell you all you need to know. As it sounds as if his primary interest is money rather than familial relationships.

I would also point out to him and your father that this inheritance is from your granny rather than your mum so you do not have to split anything.

You need to look after your children first. I would divide the pot 6 ways, 1 part for each of your children, one for you, one for him. If when you tell him this, he kicks off in any way I’d immediately make his share nothing.

With family it’s nice to share and support each other if you can, but you have no obligation to do so, and ensuring the future of your children comes first.

Apparently she told him she would leave him half.

But she didn't leave him half / whatever she told him it clearly didn't matter enough to her to do something about it or she changed her mind.

Don't doubt yourself OP.

Divide it by 6 to allow for you, each of your DC and your Brother getting an equal amount.

Do not budge.

You can decide what to do with your 5/6 - I'm not saying you need to actually give it all to DC - but this is a way to demonstrate a fair division to him. You can tell him that your mum ALSO categorically told you that they would get an equal share.

At which point you end the conversation.

This is your grans money, your brother sounds grabby and I think you'd be utterly mad to give him anything when it could be given to your children instead. He has no children and you have 4! Put your children first.

OP

I absolutely want to give him something as I've said all through, I feel half is too much. I want to give him 25%
It's going to be a big chunk of money, enough to buy a place outright.
But he won't be satisfied with that

That sounds reasonable. You will be doing what you think is right. You can't control his reaction. Do what you think is right then draw a line under it.

If you are really unsure you could buy him a property but keep it in your name so you can give it to your children when he dies. Personally I would rather just give the money with no strings attached at all but maybe getting a property for him to live him while retaining ownership would be a middle ground.

No matter what you do, it'll cause resentment on one or both sides. It seems like he takes and takes from you (emotionally so far), I'd keep the money to be honest. It's from your grandparents, not your mum.

What did your mum actually leave when she died? It sounds like not a lot, so I'd split that part, but your grandparents money is yours and yours alone

Basically. He's unreasonable.

OP I would bide your time on this (giving him a share of the inheritance). He is not in a good place and neither are you. Do not make a decision on this until you have completed your therapy and have a better understanding of yourself. Caving in to his demands now for a share could leave you feeling incredibly resentful of him later on down the line. You can always give him something later if you so wish, but now is not the right time for you. His thinking about the situation is very skewed and unhelpful. Is there any possibility of you having counselling together?

If he was a full sibling, I would say sharing is the only way to go.

But he has his own mother from whom he had his own inheritance, it just happened not to be the kind of amount as OP’s. That’s quite common in step families - a fundamental difference in parental inheritance - and other people don’t try to compensate themselves by demanding money.

Actually I’ve changed my mind. I forgot to ask if you have children. I’d see it as their money that I was giving away. I still think what I said before is morally correct, but when it comes to my children I’m very selfish.

sorry for your loss.

i wouldn’t give him anything. You have said he will be angry if you give him less than 50% which is wrong. If you give him 25% he will still be angry and you and your children will be 25% worse off.

if he isn’t angry and takes it well then I would maybe give 10%

Your priority now should be your children not your brother- he should see this. Tell him 10 for him and your children and 50% for you. It would be madness to give him a larger percentage than you would give your children they MUST and should be your only priority

@Mirabai i know but op’s mother raised him (unless I’ve got that wrong).

Honestly, I wouldn't give him any of it.

He is not related to your DM.

You need to reframe this. The money was never your DM's.
Sounds like your GM knew how feckless your DM was and did everything she could to make sure it went to you.
Your DM could have made a will, but she didn't.

This money is for you and your 4DC.

Why didn't he shared his inheritance with you op?

Do not give him anything.
Give him an inch and he will want a mile.
He will never be satisfied. It's not for him to say.
He is being manipulative and is seemingly lying to get his way.
Not.A.Cent.

Then block him everywhere and don't give it another thought.

Absolute cheeky fucker

I don’t understand why so many women on the thread think OP owes him money. Anything. If she gave him 10 grand it would be nice of her.

He had his own mother, from whom he has had his inheritance already!

So she happened not to be as wealthy as OP’s mother’s family.

You can be absolutely sure that if the shoe was on the other foot, DB would not give her a dime.