To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

If he's not satisfied with a generous offer of 25 percent give him NOTHING. He sounds greedy and pushy and is lying about what your Mum said. You inherited from your Gran none of his business really. He's already inherited from his own Dad and his own Mum which is far more than most people get.

The money was inherited from your Grandmother so nothing to do with your half brother. I don't know if you have DC but that money is also their inheritance and could help greatly in the future so I would think very carefully before I gave 25% of it away. It doesn't sound like he had a connection to your Grandmother and she didn't leave it to him but left it to you. As you said your half brother didn't share his inheritance with you and you didn't expect him too. He didn't have a great relationship with your DM but where was his DM in all of this? No matter what you give him it sounds like it's never going to be enough and he will always want more. Don't make any rash decisions that you will regret and take care of yourself

@Anonymouslyasking
Both my parents were wasters... It all came from my gran
My dad wants him to have some
Is this the same dad??? your dad is a waster but wants your step brother (is this your dads bio child) to have some??? why are you even dealing with your dad if he is a waster??? it isnt his money to decided who gets! He should get nothing from YOUR inheritance!

Do you or your brother have children?

Drop your offer down to 20% and keep dropping each time he complains it's not enough.

No, just kidding. You don't owe him anything. Your mother died without leaving him anything.

The money you inherited from your gran wasn't your mother's money to promise.

He's trying to guilt you to share your family money with him but he didn't share his family money with you.

Resist his wheedling.

I’m sorry, but I’m sure if you’ve not had much contact with your half brother over the years, once he gets any money from you he’ll be gone anyway

I have 4,he has none

If your mum wanted him to have half, she’d have arranged it in her will. You would be dishonouring her wishes to share it. You don’t mention if you have children, but if you do, you’d be denying them a share of their grandmother’s gift too by sharing it with him. I suspect the fact that he inherited from his bio mum probably informed her decision to write her will as she did.

Sorry, but he will have to get over it.

Life is short. If you love him share it out x

I understand this but it doesn't feel right.

A friend of DH was in this situation, his mum died leaving a house worth over £1m and his half-sisters crawled out of the woodwork to say they should have a share. They hadn’t looked after the old girl in her extended dotage and it wasn’t even their mum! (It was their dad they shared). They’d also inherited from their own mum when she had died so DH’s friend told them it certainly wasn’t happening.

I will never understand why women throw money away on men simply because they convince them they have a right to it. The doormat naivety is astonishing.

He’s had his inheritance, you’ve had yours. He didn’t offer you any of his. I’m sure he’d dearly love some extra cash, who wouldn’t, but so what? I’ve no idea why he thinks entitled to your grandparents’ money.

If he didn’t see your mum for 20 years it’s highly unlikely she would have left him anything anyway. If she’d felt strongly about it she would have left a will.

He’s LYING. If she had wanted him to have half, she would have left a will saying so.

Well it's 25% or nothing. Don't engage further

I didn't want to bring it to the equation but my children are a big reason why I feel it's wrong to share equally.
I could set them up for life with it...

OP - however your mum treated your half-brother has nothing to do with either yourself or your grandmother. This inheritance is directly from your GM to you. It has zero to do with your DB, and I think you are being overly generous with offering 25%.

In which case, don't give him anything. Keep the money for your children. Surely that is what your grandmother would have wanted?

You would literally be taking money from your children to give to a materialistic man who has one rule for him and another for you. You already fear losing him in your life because your gut is telling you that he is using you. Don't prioritise the wishes of a man like that over the needs and prospects of your children. And don't feel guilty for doing what's best for you and your children.

As PPs have said, this money is not an inheritance from your mum. It's from a grandparent. A grandparent he presumably has no link to, or relationship with?

Have you pointed out this to him?

I think giving him 25% is extremely generous and kind of you. If he cannot see this and be grateful then he doesn't deserve a penny

sounds like even giving him a quarter isn't going to make him happy so you will be giving him hundreds of thousands of pounds by the sounds of it, what a bitter taste that will leave, giving all that to him and it still spoils your relationship.. what a dilemma!

Your responsibility is to your children. Not to him.
However guilty you think you feel now would be nothing compared to how guilty you'd feel not doing right by your children for the sake of a man who's barely been in your life and had no relationship with your mum or by the sounds of it your grandma.

Just coming at this from another angle. It must be very difficult for your brother. You were brought up together, he was treated badly by your mother which would have caused a lot of trauma and affected his life chances. And now you’ve got a huge amount of money. He’s going to be incredibly resentful and that is totally understandable.

That isn’t your fault of course but I don’t think it’s a bad thing that you’ve tried to make up for it. I don’t think it’s being a ‘people pleaser’…I think it’s what a good person would do. And you are a good person. Siblings being treated differently nearly always causes issues….my DSis hates us all because my DM scapegoated her. You must have had a lot of emotional intelligence doing what you did.

That said, if 25 percent is enough to buy outright then perhaps he should be happy. But it sounds like you’re getting enough to not have to work if you don’t want to. Could you perhaps invest a bit more of the money so that he has a small income? Although I guess he won’t be happy with that either.

In my family, my dad adopted my half siblings and my mum was a lot better off because of his job (although to be fair he was hopeless with money and she was in charge of it). Our story is complicated and the will has been changed numerous times, but before all the complications the money was going to be split equally. I never saw that as unfair although I must admit that in hindsight perhaps it was a bit. Your brother is in the same position as my siblings except for that one formality and they weren’t abused.

Absolutely not, he has shown some horrible traits here. Your Mom and your grandparents, why would he feel entitled? I don’t think 25% would be fair either. You shouldn’t have to buy his love.

Sorry for your loss x

OP this sounds really difficult - I'm entirely in the don't give him anything camp tbh - but if this money is from your gran and not from your mum I think you should just stop the whole conversation.

Mum didn't leave me anything. End of story.

Gran left me something.

I also totally agree that you cannot buy love and that whatever you do will never be enough for him.

I do think you should look after yourself and use your money to allow you to do that. I would suggest you find a sensible financial adviser to help you make some good decisions for you and also to help you understand how finding care works (for your dad).

Take care x

Haven't read the full thread OP just your posts and sorry you are going through this.
Do you have children of your own that will inherit on your death who would be disadvantaged if you give your half brother what he wants? If yes then stick to the 25%.

I know you said your Mum predeceased your grandmother/father but had she (your Mum) made a will and was your half brother an equal beneficiary with you under that will? If he was then perhaps he should have half.
If you think she wouldn't have left him anything anyway due to the fact that he wasn't actually her son and the estrangement, then he can't reasonably expect anything can he, so should be satisfied with your offer of a gift of 25%.

Whilst I have some sympathy for him due to your mother's treatment, don't let him bully you OP and don't forget the tax implications of a large gift unless you are doing a Deed of Variation.

In that case you put aside 20% for each of your children. If you are feeling generous then share the remaining 20% on the condition that he shares care costs of your father 50/50 with you.