To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

Don't share your inheritance. If your DM wanted him to have any she would have had it in her will. He sounds very manipulative and greedy.

Her father is still alive

Saying something verbally is not a legally binding will. Tell your half brother to sling his hook

OP, you are not responsible for your mothers actions, it is not your role to make it up to him, you were a child yourself. Why do you feel such a responsibility? I really hope the therapy goes well for you, and in terms of the money, I don’t think you should give him half, he’s being grabby and knows he can probably guilt trip you and manipulate you into it as you’re a people pleaser. I think 25% is far too generous too personally.

Whatever your mother may or may not have said to him, the fact is your mother didn't inherit anything. Only you know if you want to give him anything of your inheritance, but you should not feel beholden or guilty about it if you do not want to share this money.

Yes definitely point out his own Mum left him money and now in her will your Mum left you money. If your Mum had wanted him to have any money she would have put it in her will. Did she leave a will?

The money came direct from her grandmother, not from her mother, I don’t know why it’s even being dressed up as her mothers money, it wasn’t.

@Anonymouslyasking I'm glad you're making your life better and shedding the guilt. I suspect your DF thinks you should give your DB money because he feels guilty about his treatment by your DM. The truth is your DF shouldn't have allowed it to happen, he could have stopped it and didn't , you were a child, you could do nothing, and yet you're the one still trying after years and years.

How does he know how much the inheritance is when it's really nothing to do with him

I have a half sister. Like fuck would either of us expect a penny from the other's mum. Hers was an absolute arsehole of a stepmother to me but I don't feel I'm "owed" for that.

I’ve seen this amount would be life changing for him. What would you do OP if he squandered it and didn’t buy a property? Also seen he’s materialistic. You can bet he’ll be off or cut/reduce contact after it if he doesn’t get money.

This is a really good point actually.

Say Mum passed in August 2023, granny passed in January 2024. Half-brother hadn't spoken to step-mum for a considerable number of years.

Between August 2023 and January 2024, half-brother will have learned he's to inherit nothing from his step-mum. He will have had time to think about this.

His half-sister's granny passes away in January this year, and half-sister tells him she's inherited from her granny (her recently deceased mum's mum). Grandmother is no relation whatsoever to half-brother. She will have been a presence merely via his step-mum who helped raised him but to whom he hadn't spoken in many years.

Bear in mind, he's already banked the full inheritance from his own mum.

At THIS point, after he's been dwelling on having received nothing from his step-mum, brother says to half-sister "oh, half of what your grandmother actually belongs to me because your mum said she'd give me half".

It takes a certain type of person to have their eye on someone else's fortune and misfortunes, and turn them to their own benefit.

He's a chancer, OP. He's chancing his arm at other people's money.

He won't be satisfied?! Op, please open your eyes and see this man for who he really is. All he wants is your money. I would bet my house that the minute he got money from you he would vanish from your life.

All you need to tell him is that your mum didn't leave anything and she had no will. You have inherited from your gran, not your mum.

It's highly likely that he is lying to you anyway just to get his hands on your money and he knows you are a soft touch.

No doubt he will try to manipulate you in other ways to get his hands on your money:

• My car has died, I need £25k
• I am in trouble and need to pay someone off or they will kill me I need £30K
• Can I borrow 50K for a deposit on a property? Here's y repayment plan, look...

Your money will be his before you know it and he'll be out of your life once it's been squandered on him.

Be strong

But your Mum is dead and the money is coming directly from your Gran. Presumably your Gran never told him he could have half? Why would she? You are her grandchild not him.

Personally I would give him that much however the money is yours to do with as you see fit.
If 25% is what you deem fair then write the cheque and give it to him, it is then his choice whether to cash it or not.
If he does cash it then that's the end of that, if he wants to challenge it then he can take it to court obviously he would lose but that's his decision.
If he decides to fall out with you over this then that should show you how much he values your relationship.
Please know that you don't owe him anything you are doing this out of love and the goodness of your heart. If your grand mother and mother had died in the natural order there probably wouldn't have even been any inheritance left for either of you so he should be grateful for whatever he gets.

Yep, what the F has he done with his money from his own mum? Spunked it up the wall that’s what.

What about giving 10 percent to your Dad and 10 percent to your brother?

@Anonymouslyasking there is a bike with a seat for his arse on it just sitting outside!!!! what a cheek he has making a demand like that of you!

Really sad situation "what's his is his and what's mine is ours". Even if you gave him 25% he'd come back for more. You need to distance yourself and invest some of your inheritance in more robust counselling. I'm so sorry you find yourself in this predicament, but no amount of cash will ever satisfy your brother.

@Anonymouslyasking if 25% is a life changing amount for him and I loved him I would give it to him. I might even go up to a third, depending.

BUT what is far more important, is that I would talk to him and tell him what you have told us. That you love him, that you’re sick of repeating old patterns, again, you love him - ask him if he’ll come to family counselling with you, just the two of you, you could potentially make it a condition. If you can get a better and healed relationship with him of all this, wouldn’t that be the best possible outcome for you?

Of eh spends the lot of drink and drugs and ends up in the gutter you will feel guilty.. You see a family unit. He sees pound signs.
Adopt a couple of dcats.. Instant family. None of this manipulation business..
That money was left you you... You dishonour your benefactor if you give it away imo.

Actually yes that's true, if your mum predeceased your gran then your mum left you nothing so even if she had wanted to leave him half - she had nothing to leave him.

That's what you should say. You got no inheritance from your mum. You got an inheritance from your grandma who was a stranger to him. 🤷

No just no.

I used to work for a solicitors. In cases like these they definitely generally suggested what was in the will was followed, so wishes. And nothing was given to anyone else. It’s quite interesting to see how the advice/words of a solicitor who knows the legal stance, has on a lay person.

My dad is no longer in charge of his finances but I will definitely pay for the best care for him for as long as he's with us.