To not want to share my inheritance equaly

[Anonymouslyasking]

My half brother who I love dearly wants me to share my inheritance with him, he says my mum told him she would share it half half. That's not what she told me. Mum had passed away so we can't clarify now.
He received an inheritance from his mum that he didn't share.

I'm happy to give him a share but I feel half is too much. I don't want yo fall out with him but I feel it's unfair. AIBU?

This!

He's just emotionally manipulating you. He didn't share but wants you to.
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Your words tell a story _ that you've always given him what he wanted to compensate for your DM's ill treatment of him. So basically he thinks you owe him for something your DM did and you've gone with it, that's not love from him, that's him using you, and sadly he won't change. Your DM ill treated him, that was her guilt and her debt to repay not yours, no amount of money will make him forget the past. Please don't spend your life trying to make him feel better with buying him things, he needs therapy to help him move on. Don't feel guilty Op, you weren't the one who hurt him

You may give in, give him half and he’ll be out of your life anyway because he’ll have what he wanted….. half of your cash!!
If someone offered me 25% of a large amount of money I’d be eternally grateful, not saying no I want half!!!

I think 25% is ample, considering that he had no right to any of it, and it will still be a life changing amount.

If he doesn't appreciate it and it affects his relationship with you, then he really doesn't deserve your love and all that you've done for him so far.

Thank you for saying that. Now I've started therapy I'm slowly riding myself of the guilt. I did tell him it wasn't me it was her. I do feel a lot of empathy for him and I want to be fair to us both.

Are you really a part of family unit with someone if you don't speak to them for 20 years? Just curious as to how your half brother is justifying this in relation to your late mother?

He’s guilt tripping you.

It’s your money. Don’t let anyone pressure you.

You may give in, give him half and he’ll be out of your life anyway because he’ll have what he wanted…

Indeed. If he's that mercenary, then you'd be foolish to assume that he'll be in your life once this money has made him less reliant on you.

The fact that you've been apparently supporting him financially up to now out of some kind of misplaced guilt for the life you both had, brings into question already, whether his connection to you is entirely unselfish.

Then it has nothing to do with him.

I do feel that with everything, it's been what's his is his and what's mine is ours.

It's my experience that with people like this, nothing is ever enough. They have a pit which can never be filled. That may be understandable. The question is whether this is your problem to resolve by giving him half of your inheritance.

As @ExPostFacto says... You cannot light yourself on fire to keep your brother warm you will burn out
Another version of this that I like... Don't cross over an ocean for someone who wouldn't step over a puddle for you.

What I get from your posts is that you are wildly swinging between that spark of healthy inner self preservation "I need to do what's right for me"- which is absolutely correct.

But, this is constantly being interrupted by that whisper of guilt that so many people pleasers get: "but he's your brother, don't you care about him at all? what if he leaves you?" etc

You've admitted you have people pleasing tendencies so deal with that before you do anything at all. Therapy is a really good idea. Also, the book "not nice" by Dr Aziz gazipura is a great book about protecting yourself and dealing with the tendency to people please. Unfortunately, people pleasing will eventually destroy you in the long run if its not addressed- you'll end up constantly being taken advantage of by people (even family) and it will run you into the ground.

Also, in case it's not clear: you're not responsible for your parents' failings.

If she's not his mum, it wasn't in her will, and she never said anything to you, I wouldn't be giving him half.

If you get on well and you care a lot about him, and you've inherited quite a bit, I would probably treat him to something - but that's just me, you're under no obligation at all.

The fact he’s even asking for half means he’s not the lovely brother you think he is.

Oh dear, so this is where his expectatation to have half of your inheritance from your grandmother comes from.

You know, you have to stop trying to please him anyway you can? You deserve so much better than that.

Draw a line in the sand and start with saying no these outrageous demands. Let him go and leech off someone else emotionally and financially.

At best he is entitled to half of what you inherited from your mum if his word is good but nothing of what you inherited from your gran.

I would decide on a figure you feel is fair 5,10,20,25% set that money aside and decide in a year how much you want to give him then. Tell him nothing now, see if he sticks around, see if he loves you dearly. If he doesn't and you feel guilty for having money he doesn't do something meaningful with the money to support other people who find themselves in your position without the benefit of wonderful grandparents.

It sounds like you have had quite a year, I'm sorry for your losses but you don't need this headache now. Tell him none and if he steps up in a year reconsider. I bet he disappears

Will your brother step up and help pay for your father’s care?
There is little point in giving in to you brother’s demands if he will fail to be satisfied anyway. Tell him you need time to think about it and need to discuss it with your therapist.
If your grandmother’s will followed the usual form the bequest to your mother totally bypassed your mother when she died so the money was never hers to leave. You are a residuals beneficiary and the bequest was to you directly, which your grandmother would have intended. It was up to granny to leave something to her step grandson.
Have the proposed therapy and come to a decision which feels right to you but be aware it is impossible to satisfy your brother and your future relationship with him will depend on his generosity of spirit.

You are not responsible for the way your mum treated him.
He's clearly lying about her saying she wanted him to have half.
Even if you gave him half, it wouldn't stop him sniffing round for more.
If she wanted him to have half, she would at the very least have told you.

My mum passed away a few months ago and my gran more recently.

So why bring what your mum said into the equation? Presumably your gran, who the inheritance is off, didn’t say such a thing so why is he going on about what your mum said?

@Anonymouslyasking
I would tell your db that you will revisit any inheritance in a year after you've had therapy.

I bet he won't wait a year without causing drama but at least you'll have a chance to look at the situation with distance from the grief and guilt.

if you are sure you got all that money from her grandparents and nothing came from your father, then go on. If you are not sure, reconsider your morals

Even if she had said when she inherited from your gran he would get half, she didn't inherit from your gran. She predeceased her.
You have directly inherited from your maternal grandmother which has absolutely nothing to do with your half brother.

"He feels it's unfair and that because we're a family unit we should share equally"

But not the inheritance from his own mother, yet he feels he is entitled to your grandparents money? It's not , and has never been, your mother's money. It was your grand parents money. And he has no right to it. Has he shared his inheritance from his mother with you then that's a different matter but he didn't. Why is that?

@TheFancyPoet the mother predeceased the grandmother.