it's unacceptable to to mock someone's accent

[nottooimpressed]

I've lived in the UK for almost 30 years and I speak 5 languages fluently. Yet, despite having a top degree from a UK uni and having worked in the UK for decades, I still have a very strong foreign accent and I find the pronunciation of some English words challenging, for example "paw", "wood" etc... My kids (UK born and with perfect British accents) mock me frequently and yesterday, when we talked at dinner and I said something about walking in the "woods" I got mocked again and I exploded. It's not the first time I got upset about it but yesterday I really had enough. I found it so offensive that kids would mock their mother about her foreign accent and pronunciation (the same mother who taught them to read and still helps them with their senior school essays...) and that my British husband did nothing about it and let them do it. I often meet Scottish or Irish people who keep their strong accents despite being in London for decades. It seems acceptable. Why is my accent laughable then? What is acceptable and what is not? Am I too sensitive or are they behaving like little twats? What does it say about my husband?

I've not voted either way because neither is correct.

Joshing about mispronounced words / accents is universal and usually not meant to hurt.

I think you would be happier if you could learn to laugh rather than get angry and upset.

This sounds like the final straw, I assume there was a build up to this

It does sound a bit much to have exploded, but your DH just sat back and did nothing?

I feel that you are perhaps being a little sensitive, but if you don't like it you just need to tell them when you're calmer that you really don't like it and want them to stop.

Or i'd just say "when you can speak 5 languages, come back to me then" or I'd slag them off in another language so they didn't know what I was saying.

My mum has a foreign accent too and we have pointed out mispronunciations to her in the past. She laughs about it, so I suppose it may depend on personality to some extent.

ETA: it would depend on the tone that the kids did it in as well. If I felt they were doing it to be disrespectful then I'd be cross too.

So it's your children mocking you but not the wider population? Obviously you shouldn't be mocked, regardless of which university you went to or how many languages you speak. But this seems like something you need to speak your children about?

I think it depends. French people trying to say 'squirrel' is funny, so if it's like that then no big deal IMO. In a close relationship light hearted teasing is fine (DH and I have different British accents and both tease others pronunciations every so often). However, constantly making a persons accent the butt of the joke would be tiresome. Or if you have expressed it's a sensitive subject he should respect your boundaries on that and not do it.

Your children need to stop doing something that upsets you.

However, we have so many accents across the uk, and laughing about the differences is the norm. Generally we tease people we have a loving relationship with. To laugh at the pronunciation of a stranger would be unacceptable.

Difficult as I think it depends on intent, I'm a Yorkshire lass , my DH is South African, after many years we still sometimes have to stop and think if something is lost in translation, we rib each other, it is gentle joshing and never meant meanly so never taken that way.

My DH teases me about my accent sometimes. I have never been offended by it because I know he's joking around. He balances it out by being very sweet to me most of the time.

It really depends if you feel that they were being nasty about it. If you get upset, that's absolutely fine, OP. Just make sure you let them know because I can imagine it's tedious when you don't find it funny.

my children make gentle fun of the way my DH speaks (very northern) and they are bilingual.
In your shoes? I'd just switch to my mother tongue (or one of your other languages) and let them work out what you're saying. And if they speak it correct their pronunciation (nicely) every time they make a mistake,

Thanks and yes, I think it really depends on the timing and context. It's been happening for years and, on other occasions, I just took it on the chin but, in the context of yesterday's conversation which was more serious and emotionally loaded, it just felt disrespectful. I guess every situation is different. And yes, "come back and criticise when you speak five languages" is my go to. Perhaps some jokes are just wearing a bit thin after 30 years...

Yanbu I hate it happens to me all the time

Makes me think the person is so rude have they actually been listening to the conversation amd what I have to say or just waiting an opportunity to mock me

My dd did it recently about a teacher I firmly told her off

It doesn't sound funny tbh.

I imagine your kids must constantly be doing this in a obnoxious little shit kind of way rather than a gentle teasing kind of way, if this has caused you to explode.

I have always just started speaking a different language if someone mocks the way i speak or pronounce something. And i just don't explain to them what i'm saying. they soon get the message

My DH mocks my Aussie accent all the time. I take it as a joke when he does. My kids are yet to mock my accent but if they did I think I’d tell them to cut it out. Children making fun of their parents shouldn’t be a thing imo- it’s a different dynamic when it’s your OH.

YANBU. If it’s constant I can understand why you lost your temper with them, disrespectful shits. Inc husband

Mocking someone's accent is horrid.
In our family we all know if something isn't fun for both sides of a joke or isn't funny. We tease each other a lot, have many in jokes about each other but it's all in good humour and no one is serious. If anyone didn't like it or it wasn't recognisably done with love and humour it wouldn't be acceptable. That's how it works at our place.

If your kids were being horrid about it I'd expect your DH to have your van, knock it on the head and tell them it's not on with you.

Scottish, Welsh, Irish, Brummie, Cockney, South West, "Northern" - they do all get mocked and mock in return, which I think you know. It sounds like you're upset about something else as well. And also, you must have been able to laugh it off in the past, otherwise they wouldn't have done it, surely?

I am Scottish and have lived in England for nearly 30 years. I have heard a lot of mocking in that time and it does get boring. I understand that sometimes it's meant as affectionate teasing, but it's always something I've heard before and fake laughed at or rolled my eyes.

I can understand that if it was a serious conversation you'd be upset, maybe it's time to have a chat with your husband and children.

As a Scot who used to live in England, it does grate. I was so happy when I could move home again 🤣

Yes, agree with this ^^

I think there's a big difference between your kids gently joking about your accent during private family time, and being mocked by friends/colleagues. I think that, in most families, parents and kids do laugh about things that they wouldn't tolerate from anyone else, so I think perhaps your children simply weren't aware that this was something you'd find so hurtful and it does seem a bit over-sensitive to me.

However - I think we all have some things that we're particularly self-conscious or insecure about and sometimes even affectionate teasing about it can really bother us. So if your accent when you're speaking English is one of those things for you, then I think you need to sit down with your children when you're all a bit calmer and happier, and just gently explain to them that you find it hurtful and embarrassing when they draw attention to your accent and that it's off-limits for joking about.

You could also maybe point out to them that it can be very hard living your life in your second/third/fourth/fifth language, even when you're completely fluent (as you clearly are!) and that people pointing it out really doesn't help, and that they need to be a bit more empathetic.

I’d be withdrawing from family life until they shape up and apologise. I wouldn’t stand for mockery in my own home.

Hopefully your explosion will have led to some reflection on their part.

As someone who also gets mocked for an accent, YANBU. I don't care if they don't mean to offend. It's not ok to make fun of the way someone looks, why would it be ok to make fun of how someone sounds?

Thank you all, so many insightful comments and I'm sorry I can't address all of them individually. A few of you nailed it. After so many years, originally lighthearted comments can become tiresome at best, deeply upsetting at worst. It simply ends up making you very self-conscious and insecure when you speak. Long term, it's quite awful. I also feel that teasing someone who is a native English speaker with an endearing Scottish or Irish accent is very different from teasing a foreigner about their difficulty with pronouncing some words. I honestly can't pronounce "paw" correctly to save my life, according to my family.

It depends a bit on context … I can’t apologise for finding Fawlty Towers funny, as much laughing at the idiotic English attitude as the inept Spanish waiter.

If it’s just spiteful and mocking then I agree, unacceptable