it's unacceptable to to mock someone's accent

[nottooimpressed]

I've lived in the UK for almost 30 years and I speak 5 languages fluently. Yet, despite having a top degree from a UK uni and having worked in the UK for decades, I still have a very strong foreign accent and I find the pronunciation of some English words challenging, for example "paw", "wood" etc... My kids (UK born and with perfect British accents) mock me frequently and yesterday, when we talked at dinner and I said something about walking in the "woods" I got mocked again and I exploded. It's not the first time I got upset about it but yesterday I really had enough. I found it so offensive that kids would mock their mother about her foreign accent and pronunciation (the same mother who taught them to read and still helps them with their senior school essays...) and that my British husband did nothing about it and let them do it. I often meet Scottish or Irish people who keep their strong accents despite being in London for decades. It seems acceptable. Why is my accent laughable then? What is acceptable and what is not? Am I too sensitive or are they behaving like little twats? What does it say about my husband?

I mean I doubt they are being racist but if you don't like it make it a boundary and tell your dh to back you.

We do it to each other all the time here.

I'm a Midlander and DP is a Southerner and we give each other a lot of grief about the things we say/our accents.

Maybe it stings more for you because all of the banter is going one way and it's everyone on you?

tbh i would have that officially stopped. Completely stopped dead.

I think you should lighten up, OP.

My Dad came from a different country and we had many good humoured moments with him about his accent. He bloody loved it and we have lots of fond memories to this day.

My accent is different from DH and DS’s and they often take the piss (and vice versa), again all in good spirit.

I wouldn’t have an issue with this humour.

But the OP has said it makes her uncomfortable. It stops being funny (if it ever started) when everyone involved isn't in on the supposed joke. Even if she is a bit sensitive, or whatever way people want to minimise her feelings, her family should respect the fact that she doesn't like them poking fun at her pronunciation.

I'm from Belfast and don't think my accent is overly 'broad', but I have been asked by English people, occasionally family members, to pronounce certain words and phrases just so they can innocently wonder at how I say things differently. They aren't necessarily throwing their heads back and cackling, but they point out things in a way that suggests that my pronunciation is wrong or amusing or slightly ridiculous. I laugh along, but I shouldn't because I find it humiliating. Sometimes they will interrupt and point out the way I say something in the middle of a sentence and I feel then that what I'm actually saying is of no interest to them.

I think that’s it Tessisme - you feel like a performing monkey and the content of what you are saying is unimportant. I the example OP gave they were having a serious conversation so by mocking her accent it seems like they were not listening to the content of her speech

accents are a funny thing, I remember going to a wedding in the US and ending up in a conversation with two people where they just wanted me to say certain words so they could marvel at my accent. I felt like a toddler being tested!!

I can assure that, as someone who spent several decades in England, and with one of the ‘endearing’ accents you mention (and who also speaks five languages), that having my accent mocked quite often came from an unpleasant tradition of anti-Irishness, and a set of assumptions about my IQ, quarrelsomeness, fecklessness and general backwardness.

Oh no this is not funny at all, Jesus wept! This is when my resting bitch face would play a blinder!

I'm from a mongrel background & lapse into different languages by accident especially when tired or excited, or especially if I've been speaking with various members of my family, my son years ago aged 3 asked "why are you talking funny mammy?" when we were video calling relatives years ago but honestly no one has slagged the way I speak with any venom or just as bad, impersonations of my accent

I get your frustration @nottooimpressed but you do need to chill. You've been here for 30 years and have to accept that you will never have a native accent. I'm the same and have made peace with perpetually being a foreigner due to my native accent. It certainly doesn't bother me and has taught me to not care so much about what other people think and how they perceive me. I'm happy to be a bit different and get reward with an interesting life that's not in my birth country. Why does it matter so much to you that you have an accent?

Your children teasing you is also not unusual. They are teenagers, who love to put their parents down every now and again. It sounds to me like you have low confidence and don't feel respected in your family. Try not to take yourself too seriously and joke with your family. Or explain that you feel put on the spot when they comment on your inability to pronounce certain words.

Out of interest, do your dc and husband speak our native language(s)? if yes, they will know what it's like to visit your country of origin and not speak as well as everyone else, right?

All in all, a storm in a tea cup. You are a foreigner and always will be (same as me). Own it and make it your strength. It gives you a unique experience and perspective. It's something to be embraced, not to be embarrassed about.

@Tessisme @Bruisername EXACTLY THIS...

Yep I’d have zero tolerance for this. Spectacularly rude, potentially racist.

If it’s your own children doing it, more likely just kids being little shits (mine has decided my middle name is Pomegranate, and keeps on calling me that), but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it.

Where I live in the south-west, having a Home Counties accent brands me as 'posh'. It's not racist as accents within countries get commented on.

Ps, I was teased a bit about my "strong Irish accent but one day my kids were falling about laughing because I ordered a pizza and I asked for 100% of the toppings on 50% of the pizza. They wanted a margarita and I wanted double toppings.

They found this SO worthy of derision I was nearly crying in confusion. I didn't order another pizza for a year. Brats!

Why did you explode?

Why didn't you explain that's its unkind/impolite/hurtful/not funny.

You're their Mum, it's your job to teach them. Why is it up to your husband? How should he know if you never said anything?

In my family, ribbing about word pronunciation is a full time hobby. Might be different because there are regional rather than national differences between us and it is always said with affection and with the participation of the ribbed.

It's never occurred to me to make a "light-hearted joke" about someone's accent. There are so many other things to say. I've got friends from all over the world and their English is much better than my ability in any other language, so it's not even particularly funny when they mispronounce a word.

The last time I found a foreign accent funny was my French teacher saying "heritage" and that was because I was 13. I would think anyone who still found that funny just hadn't grown up very much.

In a close relationship anything can be turned into an affectionate private joke but the OP's situation obviously wasn't a time for laughing. And even if "affectionate" it's the kind of thing that can really grate if done over and over again. Ultimately when you laugh at someone's foreign accent, the joke is that they're an outsider and they don't belong.

@GabriellaMontez you haven't read the thread at all, just my original post... If you had read it you would have seen that I've complained about it many times over the years and exploded this time as the timing and context for that kind of behaviour was very wrong and I was utterly fed up having to object to it again as they've been told many times that I find it hurtful

@nottooimpressed how do you actually say paw and woods?? how many ways can woods actually be pronounced?? have they told you what they are hearing??

@NotMyPage goodness me... Where on earth did you take all of this from...?! I find yours such a bizarre response... I live in London where many people have foreign accents. I have absolutely no problems with being foreign and with having an accent... But I do have a problem with being laughed at because of it. Can you not see the difference...?

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld they do but it always sounds a bit different! So I'm none the wiser!

I'm a bit confused. If you are not feeling insecure about your accent is the problem mostly that your dc are teasing you? If they teased you about something else, let's say a personality trait or something that you did, which they found funny, would you hit the roof like you did when they teased you about your pronunciation?

Or is it that your dc have poor manners and are a bit unkind to you and perhaps even others outside of the family? Teenagers can be a pain, so much is clear but reacting in this emotional manner is unhelpful. They might be testing their boundaries. If they are generally rude you need to work on their manners. If they are just disrespectful to you, it's either them being annoying teens or they don't respect you on some level. Does your husband normally have your back? That's what really matters the most.

OP is upset because they were having a serious conversation and they decided to mock her pronounciation which is belittling. It means they weren’t listening to the content of what she said

having grown up with a parent with a strong accent when there were less strong accents around I can totally get it - my mum was frequently overlooked or laughed at when she spoke. People assumed because she had an accent she was thick and that was far from the truth.

It really does get a tad tedious, people commenting on, and mimicking your accent. I accept it with a good grace outside the home, but I'd be unimpressed if it followed me into the home, and when I'd indicated I really didn't want to bother with that crap in my place of sanctuary, it continued.

I imagine your teenagers are a bit like mine, they have a very low tolerance for people they perceive to be taking the piss out of them. If so, it helps if you point out to them that if they're going to dish it out, they need to be able to take it too. I found that made them think a bit more before using their parents as fodder for their amusement!

A lot of posters here really don't get it.

I’ve lived in the UK for over 30 years and regularly get mocked for my Aussie accent, including by my children. It’s never occurred to me to do anything other than grin and bear it.