To want DH to sleep upstairs?

[Whysitsodifficult]

We have two kids, one is a baby and one is three. 3 year old sleeps through but wakes around 6. Baby doesn’t sleep through.

DH has been sleeping downstairs and because of how the house is laid out he is actually in the furthest point from us. So he can’t hear the kids at all. So this means I’m woken throughout the night by the baby and then up early with the toddler. I’m really tired!

so AIBU in thinking DH needs to come upstairs? Or not?

Why is he sleeping downstairs? Does he fall asleep watching tv or does he deliberately sleep down there so he doesn’t have to help if the children wake?

Why is he sleeping downstairs, I think the answer to that determines if he should be or not. Eg, is he is agony with something and needs to stay out of the way so he's not waking the whole house at night. Although it doesn't sound like it's that.

lol agony with what? Sorry not trying to take the piss but what 😂😂

As in a sore back 🤷‍♀️

If he's only sleeping down stairs just so he doesn't hear the kids waking to then he needs to buck up his ideas and take his turn with night wakings/early starts.

That’s not going to be solved by sleeping on a sofa though is it!

Why is he sleeping separately? Key bit of info missing

So the baby doesn’t disturb him. But we’ve always slept apart, it’s just no room now for him to sleep upstairs and apart.

If he is a perfectly capable and functioning person then yes he should come upstairs and help.

Also the physical distance between you two is not particularly nice, I mean from a couple point of view.

Is it because he has to get up for work? Would he take a turn of being upstairs at weekends or when he's off the next day?

He can have a baby monitor in the 3 year old room so he wakes up with him in the morning.

We have the balance of me getting up thorugh the night and DP getting up in the morning. It works well for us. I'm more responsive and effective at night and I wake up anyway when DP does the nights so we all sleep better this way.

So you want him to sleep upstairs but there's no room for him to sleep upstairs? Is that what you're saying?

Not quite. He could sleep with me. I’m not that fat

I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with him sleeping downstairs if the reason is him getting a full nights sleep so he can go out to work, but he should be sleeping with the monitor from 3yo’s room and be doing the early morning with them as the “trade off”

Yes we used to do this system. Problem is I’m not totally sure DH would wake to the baby monitor and it would take ages so by that time I’m awake the baby is often awake DS is upset or I’ve done to him . This was what did my head in in that last, as DS used to wake at 5 and even if DH took him I always had to get up first as DH took ages to wake properly. So annoying.

Send the 3 year old downstairs to have a nice cuddle with daddy and go back to sleep 😉

I have but then I’m quite awake as I’ve had to walk downstairs with him … it’s a pain if I’ve been up 3-5 with the baby then DS wakes at 6.

So easily disturbed that he sleeps elsewhere but sleeps so heavily he wouldn’t hear a baby monitor on max volume?! Sounds like he’s taking the piss to get out parenting!

Never mind.

If you were both upstairs then surely you'd wake anyway when the kids made noise so it wouldn't help... You need to take turns. Saturday night tell him it's your turn downstairs and hand him the monitors.

But I don’t want to sleep downstairs! I don’t really mind getting up with baby, that’s ’my’ job but it’s the broken night combined with early starts

I think you should send your 3yo downstairs in the morning. Or can you get some sort of smart speaker/smart light system that flashes the lights on and off with a siren noise to get him up once your 3yo is awake?

Get an old fashioned alarm clock that goes off at 6:05am which he has to get up and turn off.

I just used to put earplugs in whenever it was DHs turn in the mornings 🤷

When 3 year old wakes, take him and the baby to DH, hand them to him and go back to bed. Do that every morning that he is not working till he gets the picture.

Buy an alarm for you 'D'H which wakes at 5.00/6.00 so he's up with the toddler AND baby from 5am. You sleep from 5-9(or whenever).

Also, put toddler to bed later so he wakes a bit later.