To want DH to sleep upstairs?

[Whysitsodifficult]

We have two kids, one is a baby and one is three. 3 year old sleeps through but wakes around 6. Baby doesn’t sleep through.

DH has been sleeping downstairs and because of how the house is laid out he is actually in the furthest point from us. So he can’t hear the kids at all. So this means I’m woken throughout the night by the baby and then up early with the toddler. I’m really tired!

so AIBU in thinking DH needs to come upstairs? Or not?

How though?

So the baby wakes. I go downstairs wake DH. Tell him it’s his turn. He comes back upstairs takes the baby and then keeps the baby downstairs? It’s not really practical. And doesn’t result in any more sleep for me.

He needs to move back up.

Look: if you can’t talk to your dh and reach a compassionate compromise I’m not sure what you think can be accomplished here? Everyone has kindly tried to sift through your terse posts to try to understand the problem but it is pretty clear that it can’t be solved by the principle actors because you bat every solution away and seem not to have access to your dh’s motivations and goals.

I will take a crack st it: he is a lazy, selfish, bastard who doesn’t want to take any interest in his family. Since he won’t solve the problem you are left suffering snd he freely neglects the children.

Move the toddler bed downstairs in a pop up tent next to the couch. You tske sole care of baby and tell him he has sole care of toddler.

I was a mug when I was with my ex, I slept on couch downstairs when I had my newborn cos the ex didn’t want disturbing through the night, he never helped with anything and went out all day everyday, safe to say he’s now my ex

Your child is 3 can you not just tell them that when they wake up they need to go down to Daddy? My daughter was 3 a month ago and has been getting up and going to her dad who is usually already awake and downstairs for about 6 months. If her Dad isn't already awake she comes in to us and knows to go round to her Dad to wake him up rather than me.

Tell your 3 year old to go down and wake daddy.

Why don't you just talk to him about it? How does your marriage survive if you can't even arrange the sleeping arrangements together?

Well, it isn’t is it?

Look, OP: your marriage is over. You should have started with that. Nothing snd no one will make mr “couldn’t care less” care more. And all the snarking and back-bitching at the only people willing to chat with you about it won’t change that.

He's fine to sleep downstairs then isn't he?

@Whysitsodifficult sorry that comment didn't come across how I meant it. I'm sorry you're going through this, I have myself. I promise not all men are this shit, there is hope, even when you have young children.

You are being rude to people who have come on to try and help, can’t blame for losing interest and your (frankly slightly weird) domestic arrangements.

OP, are you ok?

There's no point both of you being woke up in the night when only one of you is doing the feeds.

Have him sleep down stairs but get him to set alarm alarm for 5:45am so he cab get up with 3 year old and baby and you sleep in until 10am or whenever. Sorted.

You shouldn't do the nights and no lie in/early night.

I'm not sure what you want him to do then, if you've always slept apart, and there's now no room for him upstairs? Where do you WANT him to sleep?

Yeah, you can still but alarm clocks in the shops. Or try Amazon

You said you have never slept through together in the same room? Is that right?

Get a spare bed in toddlers room?

If your marriage is over, what's the point of trying to even solve this problem? He'll be living elsewhere when you divorce and you'll have to manage the nights on your own anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why do you sleep apart? Not being nosy but this could answer a lot.

I know with me, my DH would sleep elsewhere to get a sleep for work I was a SAHM. weekends though were different he took his turn and at night I would have an early night and he would do the bedtime routine. When I went back to work it was different, but by then it was just early mornings.

You need to speak to him and ask him to help out at weekends and evenings to give you a break.

It's only fair you do majority of childcare if he's working FT and you're at home.

theres not enough infomation in your posts for anybody to give a realistic opinion

your working 3 jobs to keep afloat & your husband refuses to help with the night routine
... YANBA

your a full time carer to the kids while husband works full time in a purposeful job ... YABU

your husbands disabled & cant make it up & down stairs unassisted ...YABU

your husband works partime but needs his sleep & doesnt care how your coping.... YANBU

get what i mean? different scenarios result in different awnsers so giving vague 'im not coping' & laughing & critising anybody who suggests something you dont agree with or are not sympathetic is just (lack of) sleep delusion which really shouldnt be this bad unless your mentally unwell in general or are just not coping with 2 kids & have failed to address it with your husband (assuming you wanted these kids to be actively trying & now are unable to cope with the realitys of it but dont want to be told 'you wanted this' or 'it isnt working for me either' relationship wise ??)

It's rather convenient he takes ages to wake up properly isn't it?

umm, no. I’m not sure you could force him to share a room with you now if that’s not the norm for you. Could the kids share a room? Could you take turns sleeping downstairs?

Just rip the plaster off and end the marriage. He’s pissing you off more in the current set up than if you just split. And then childcare will be properly shared and you’ll be able to sleep a couple of nights a week when he has the children. He sounds like a dick if his reason to sleep downstairs is not to be woken up anyway. He should be sharing the load. And for anyone thinking ‘bUt hE wOooRks!!’ I had about 3 days at work this week on 4 hours sleep because of ill children in the night.

I’m not sure why anyone is still responding to the OP. The OP came online hoping to receive responses so they could snap at everyone. Snap at your husband instead if you don’t want to use the good advice given.

Let him know that if he walks away he’ll be doing night shifts for sure… sounds like a silly man child… can’t believe he’d be selfish enough to let you do it all by yourself. Surely he sees how exhausted you are?