To want DH to sleep upstairs?

[Whysitsodifficult]

We have two kids, one is a baby and one is three. 3 year old sleeps through but wakes around 6. Baby doesn’t sleep through.

DH has been sleeping downstairs and because of how the house is laid out he is actually in the furthest point from us. So he can’t hear the kids at all. So this means I’m woken throughout the night by the baby and then up early with the toddler. I’m really tired!

so AIBU in thinking DH needs to come upstairs? Or not?

I haven’t reported it because I don’t care enough to report it, your replies are rude and you’re not even denying that!

Your probably one of the people walking round the shops bumping into people 😂

But you care enough to come on and say how rude it is 😂

Tbh OP some of your replies have been rather rude and I mean that gently. I suspect it's sleep deprivation.

I feel for you as my DH used to get huffy when woken or take himself elsewhere to sleep. Funnily enough he tried to find other excuses for not dealing with night wakings even when I went back to work. Those were very trying times.

My situation resolved when I explained my broken sleep pattern to a health visitor who insited I slept in a part of the house where I couldn't hear our 1 year old cry. DH couldn't dispute the clinical advice and bf toddler stopped waking up for milk as he realised he'd only get a cuddle from dad. Took about 4 days.

Failing that, you need to remind him that most parents aren't able to sleep when babies sleep during the day. Also ask him if he would be prepared to leave your child under the supervision of another sleep deprived adult. I doubt thd answer would be yes, so clearly he shouldn't be happy for you to do it either.

I originally thought you weren't being unreasonable, but seeing as you are asking people for help and then speaking to them in a rude manner when they offer advice, I'm gonna go ahead and say you are being unreasonable and don't want to fix the issue, you just want to moan about him.

Tbh I wouldn't want to share a bed with you either, probably sleeps the other side of the house to get away from your attitude. In fact you're lucky he's still in the house at all if this is how you speak to people.

I’m starting to see why he chooses to sleep downstairs……

The thing is, I don’t care. It’s not why I’m on
posting.

I am pretty sure my marriage is over so I don’t really have a huge amount of patience for ‘buuuut you’re not being niiiiice.’

We have a three year old and an 8 week old. I get up with the 8 week old at night, usually twice, and DH gets up with our three year old which is between 5.30 and 7am, so it allows me to get an extra hour till the 8 week old gets up between 7 and 8.

He needs to do his share one way or another before you burn yourself out

I miss sleep too

To be fair to him this was what used to happen. At the moment it feels like he’s a lodger who lives downstairs.

Quite frankly from what you have described I don't give a fuck about you being nice to your DH. He knows you are suffering with sleep deprivation and doesn't care. I think being nice to strangers who are genuinely trying to be helpful isn't too much to ask. At the very least so you don't derail your own thread and focus people on the wrong thing.

You thinking your marriage is over is very significant to the solution. Which could possibly be there isn't one. If your marriage is at the point of breakdown your DH is less inclined to listen to reasonable requests. I would have shared that in the original op and explained you were here to rant (the pp who suggested a medical condution probably wouldn't have bothered). Plenty of us would have ranted alongside you with no expectation of this being a resolvable issue. We could have all called him a little shit together if that is all you wanted🤷🏼‍♀️

@NotWastingAnymoreTime but the problem is you are giving me advice that may be helpful along with a side helping of why I’m not a very nice person.

Can you not see how that is really unhelpful on the top of a hideous week? Anyway, I am sure the thread will continue to fill up with how awful I am

Look if you’re pretty sure your marriage is over why do you think you should both be sharing a bed? Actually the bed issue is the last of your worries frankly if have two kids that were so planned, but the marriage is already on the rocks? If you want to save it then ask him to consider relationship counselling.

Is he at work the next day?? I’ve always done night shift on mat leave, fiancé gets up with them on weekends unless he’s shattered then we’ll have a day each. It wouldn’t be fair for him to be woken through the night then have to go to work in the morning.

Yeah I wondered if the op was on maternity and he works.

op, judging by your responses I think tiredness has maybe got the better of you, hopefully you can get a break this weekend.

What’s the reason for you both sleeping separately to begin with?

do you have 2 or 3 bed house?

I can understand him not helping during the night when he has work the next morning but should definitely help on weekends.

@Whysitsodifficult second time posting exact problem? you need to speak to dh about your frustrations etc etc. what can mn posters do about you?

not unreasonable. Even if you’re on mat leave you need the odd night off. He’s sleeping downstairs to get a lovely unbroken nights sleep each night.

Get a baby monitor and turn the sound right up for his turn if he won’t come back upstairs.

Tell him he needs to take a turn with the night time wakings and early mornings sometimes. If he plays the “but I can’t hear them” card tell him you don’t believe him, he’s just ignoring it. I was nice about it for so long and I wanted my DH to do a very small share of night duty to give me a break (we both work, it was fair). He didn’t do any at all until I worded it harshly. It turns out I was right, he can actually hear them after all.

Why isn’t he taking his turn to help with any night wakings

If there's no room for him to sleep upstairs what is he supposed to do?

?? I have a toddler and am about to have a baby and I’ve not slept with my partner for about five years 😆 his snores could be used for torture they’re astronomical!

Did you say he was working op?

Haha, DH snores like a beast so I separate our bed at night with pillows down the middle as he wears a CPAP mask.

I don't blame you 😂 it can be so noisy when they sleep!

OP also ur kids need to get used having dad help during the night- it's very limiting for u when u want to go out/go away fo the weekend and all they do it scream for mum, so u feel u can't go.

What?

Just tell it's his turn and if he does not get up, take the baby and put it in his room and go back to bed. They are his children too.
Or arrange to stay at a friend's for a couple of nights or a cheap local B&B so you can completely switch off.

As my husband worked and I didn't, he used to take over with our children every Friday and Saturday night and occasionally during the week when my eldest was going through a 'non sleeping phase', and if they were up early he'd take them downstairs and let me get some decent sleep.