To want DH to sleep upstairs?

[Whysitsodifficult]

We have two kids, one is a baby and one is three. 3 year old sleeps through but wakes around 6. Baby doesn’t sleep through.

DH has been sleeping downstairs and because of how the house is laid out he is actually in the furthest point from us. So he can’t hear the kids at all. So this means I’m woken throughout the night by the baby and then up early with the toddler. I’m really tired!

so AIBU in thinking DH needs to come upstairs? Or not?

Hi hun am on your side.
Ask your husband needs to sleep downstairs. Is it because he has to get up early for work/needs sleep/pay mortgage etc?
Get an honest answer then negotiate a break at weekends so he has no excuse and make this a habit and an expectation xxx

Sounds like a very toxic relationship

@Whysitsodifficult

Report it then! So whiny. I bet you tut and look around if someone bumps into you in a shop too 😂

Are you three?

Well, you planned this baby with ovulation sticks, so why? Why did you think your h would be a great dad? What has changed? Why don't you sleep together? Why can't he sleep upstairs?

Tbh, if you think your marriage won't survive then you might be better off seeing a solicitor than posting on MN for tips - especially as you have been terse and rude to many people who have replied. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I am going to say the posts are rude too. More people need to call this stuff out.

Crikey OP, you’re coming across very passive aggressive. If you speak to your husband the way you speak to people on here (who are only trying to help you!) I’m not surprised he’s sleeping downstairs 😂😂

OP probably just at the end of her tether having broken sleep for a long time without a break.

in your position I would get a loud baby monitor and tell DH I want x number of nights off per month (whatever is fair) or I will be miserable. If he starts pretending he doesn’t know how to do it, call him out. It’s straightforward. If he can competently get up to an alarm for work he can get up for his kids once in a blue moon.

maybe you sleep on the sofa for your night off. That way he has to get to grips with it and you won’t be there to step in.

I'm guessing 6 at the most😂

for me personally, I’d want him upstairs however it does depend if he has to be up early for work or if his job could be effected dangerously if they didn’t get enough sleep etc

I'd sleep downstairs to if I was married to you. Poor bloke

Why is he sleeping downstairs?

I voted YABU because you need to stop being a wimp and get your husband to fucking parent. Stop pussy footing around. And if he doesn’t - leave.

I feel for you. There was a time when all four of us (3yo, baby, DH and I) were ill. I was waking up throughout the night to deal with the kids, feeling like crap myself, and then unable to get back to sleep because of DH snoring next to me (he always slept through the kids' crying, despite the baby still sharing our room at the time). I tried sleeping on the sofa downstairs and took the baby monitor with me because, like you, I didn't trust DH to wake up. But that just meant I could hear his snoring over the bloody baby monitor! We then had about a month long stint of him sleeping downstairs at my request, which meant I didn't have the snoring to contend with at least. But I felt very alone and very hard done to, being the only one getting a broken night every single night. I was exhausted. I can't imagine how resentful you must feel towards DH for opting out of nighttime childcare. Regardless of whether or not he has work the next day, I think it's very selfish.

Report it then! So whiny. I bet you tut and look around if someone bumps into you in a shop too 😂

This was such a random specific insult 😂

You sleep apart from your husband (wierd but you do you) When asked for advice you get pissy.

YABU because you dont have a husband, you guys are roomates with kids. You're either making this up and yanking our chain or have been suckered into being a brood mare.

Have you got a bassinet/portacot? Put baby to sleep next to Dh. Go upstairs to bed. That’s what I suggest.

Does he get up for work? How long are his days at work? Im at home with baby and 3 year old all day so have no choice to be up in the night and up early, it can be really tough but it gets easier, it is just a phase like anything with parenting.

Read through your replies and don't feel there's any point in offering any advice - good luck with your divorce, I understand why it's needed...

Is what being trotted out, out of interest?

Think she was referring to put the toddler to bed later so they get up later being trotted out. Even if that worked would be pretty miserable putting toddler to bed at 9pm just for them to wake up at 7am. Doesn't leave even an hour of down time for you in the evening.
I'm quite shocked at how many people on here are saying it's fair enough if he's got a demanding job. Ummm pretty sure most grown adults will be fine on 7 hours sleep so he could go to bed at 10 and get up at 5. Me and my husband agreed that getting 6 unbroken hours before his 12 hour shift was a fair minimum so he would go to bed 8pm-3am when baby was tiny and up all night. Meant I got a 4 hour stint in before he had to leave at 7am which made all the difference. My partner got a lot of shocked comments from other dads but he would always just recommend coffee!