To think childminders don’t really offer a more homely and individual experience?

[Eatingmybiscuits]

Just musing over childcare options and this comes up a lot on the debate - that a childminder is more individual to the child’s needs and can offer a home based approach.

But when I think about it in practice, the childminders I know don’t, because they can’t. So for example they attend a little music group we go to in the morning, it’s really aimed at ages 18 months to two and a half but there are children ranging from 9 months to 4. The older ones are bored and the little ones can’t really engage.

Then if a child is feeling under the weather they can’t really just take it easy as the minder has to tend to other children and take them out.

I am not saying there aren’t advantages to this sort of childcare but AIBU to say this isn’t one of them?

Or even childminders that don't do school runs like me!

Except you started a thread inciting exactly this debate??

Homely for a mixed age group isn’t the same as exactly right for a single child. It all depends on how the childminder manages it and the logistics.

We were happy for ours to take our kids on school runs when they were under 3’s because the school was a 5 minute walk away, and it was the school they were going to go to.

It was homely in that my 7 month old and my 2.5 year old were being looked after together, and when my 2.5 year old was old enough for school, his little brother would be there for drop off and collection, playing with other little ones in the playground as he waited.

They would come home full of excitement that one of the littler ones had just started walking, or had pronounced something in a cute way. They’d be all proud that they could help our CM push one handle of the pushchair to “help her with the little ones”.

When they got older, they could do their homework quietly in the next room while she got the little ones tea ready. They wouldn’t go if they were poorly, but they could curl up on a comfy familiar sofa and last the rest of the day out till we could get them. The same childminder looked after them from babies up till the end of junior school. That is what made it homely for us. They knew all about her older boys, her family etc.

Once kids hit three the ratio in a nursery is 1 adult to 8 children so good luck with individualised care with that! Maybe a slightly bigger childminder setup (where two childminders work together, often husband and wife or mother and daughter) or a smaller home-like nursery is the best compromise. But if there are 80 or 100 kids on-site at the same time like you can get with larger nurseries, and there are maybe a dozen babies in the baby room and several dozen children together in the pre-school room, it's clearly not going to be able to offer a home-based environment.

Hugely disagree based on my experience of our wonderful childminder but obviously it depends on the childminder and the nursery!

It just depends on the CM and the nursery.

My DS1 goes to a nursery that takes children from the term after they turn 2 to just before school, they're not segregated by age into different rooms, and they all access the same activities just differently. It's been great for him, he has friends across the three year groups and his skills at things like drawing, writing, balancing, using cutlery have developed really well.

DS2 is still too young for the nursery and so he goes to a childminder who only has two other mindees, also in the 1-2 age bracket. She doesn't do any school runs. He is also doing really well in that setting. The activities they do are things like gardening, nature walks in the park, music sessions, crafts etc that again can be accessed by small children of a fairly wide range of ages and abilities.

Depends on the children and the circumstances massively, but having made the change from nursery to childminder we much prefer it, as do our kids, and it's cheaper. We have children of different aged (2-8) and they are now all in the same place rather than some at after school club and one at nursery.

Our childminder takes the bigger ones in the holidays for hardly any charge. They love it. Yes there's quite a lot of telly, screens, biscuits etc but they do lots of other things too and they are happy there and have a close bond with the childminder who clearly adores them.

We used nursery but the childminder I saw every morning on the school run (walking) had 1-2 little children in the daytime and a gaggle of young primary school kids. That sounds quite “homely” to me.

I prefer nursery. Not worried if staff are sick as they will still have your child. You aren't dictated holidays.

It depends on the childminder but for a good childminder yes I think they do offer a more personalised and homely approach especially for babies.
Nurseries have a mixture of staff who change so the child won't necessarily have the same person caring for them all the time. Also understandably In a nursery different ages are in different rooms something that wouldn't happen at home where all ages mix . Personally I find nurseries to be much more institutionalised and the care a childminder provides to be more natural .
A good childminder will take children out as a parent would so they are part of the community mixing with different people and seeing different things.

I think some CM settings are bit like small nurseries, there are helpers, multiple school runs etc, and it can feel less homely.

My gorgeous CM was with us 5 years and she was just amazing, she had 2 dc the same age as mine, and they were like cousins. They hit all their milestones together, they are 2 sets of best friends still, my children call the CM aunty and just bloody adore her. She treated my children like her own, or like nieces and nephews at least, they were always invited to her children's celebrations, and her children to mine. We exchange gifts, even have the odd glass of wine together.

It's about finding someone who matches your values and nurturing the relationship.

I had 3 childminders when I was growing up. The first two were homely experiences. The childminder had kids a similar age to me, we walked to school together and played together in the school holidays.

My final childminder when I was about 10 wasn’t a homely experience and I didn’t enjoy it to the point I don’t want a childminder for our DC. I was the oldest and she had a lot of toddlers so it was naturally more balanced to them. I had siblings on my dads side that were a baby and toddler so it wasn’t that age gap but I was expected to help more at the childminders with the little ones. I would help at my dad’s but I could also go to my room and play by myself, I had toys that were suited to my age. I didn’t have that at the childminders.

Ideally, you would pick a setting that works for the child and your values. However, realistically it comes down to what is available in your area and what you can afford. Then you hope your DC can adjust to that environment and it works well for them.

Childminders can be amazing imo. I think the homely welcoming environment is part of the reason why my two did well before going to school.

Tbf I don't know many childminders who have 10 year olds. Most go to holiday clubs by then.

That's all about you, not what is best for child.

But there’s no criticism, is there? There are some good things about home based childcare but I don’t think individual attention is one of them 🤷‍♀️

I completely disagree that this is better.

It is absolutely of benefit to children to be in mixed age groups. Its how humans evolved to do childhood after all! Younger ones and older ones benefit from this. Younger ones from learning how older ones behave and do things, older ones learn how to explain things to younger ones and how to be supportive and caring. It also means siblings can be together if they want to and this is obviously of huge benefit to their relationship.

Good nurseries are completely capable of providing a rich and engaging environment for all ages. MY children went to one. Children of all ages ( babies to five years) had access to the whole nursery and outdoor space. They all played together.

Nurseries where children get 'bored' in their age room and need to be moved up are actually evidence, in my view, of the failure of the nursery to provide a rich and stimulating environment, and a failure of the concept of 'age segregating' rooms. Children should not need adults to endlessly supply them with ' activities' for their age. The nursery should provide a rich environment where children can engage themselves, and then follow the lead of where children's interests are showing.

That's how a child centred approach works.

A family member of mine was a childminder. She had about 5 kids at a time. It was very homey and loving. When she passed away about 20 different adults spoke who had been kids she took care of thanking her for helping to raise them

My childminder was honestly a home away from home for my dc.

It was a family experience, but a family with multiple dc to balance the needs of. You'd be foolish to expect the experience of a family with a solo dc, and if you want that you need a nanny.

This is ideal, and I feel really lucky my children experienced that type of setting too.

We chose a childminder rather than a nursery, our reasons below:

1. we are lucky that we had some flexibility in both our jobs so although we need childcare, the odd day where she’s not available isn’t a problem (about 4 days a year)
2. our child was cared for at home by his dad until he was 2.5, so we wanted a smooth transition and when we did a ‘hello session’ at nursery he was like a rabbit in headlights and totally overwhelmed and just looked like a little dot amongst the chaos. so we tried it but for him it wasn’t a good fit

1. We felt given he is quite a quiet child, a nursery setting would be too busy and noisy for him, and he wouldn’t get the 121 adult attention he really enjoys and is used to.

1. We chose a childminder who goes out into nature every single day, rain or shine and does a lot of walking/ exploring with the kids. This is something my disability disallows me from doing more often than not, so I like that he gets this time and he loves it.

1. Our childminder has max 4 children at a time, our child is 3 and most of the children are between 2 and 4 and she does activities all of them can enjoy. So for example the older children might be drawing and using scissors while the younger ones finger paint, or when they’re out and about they all enjoy nature to different levels of understanding.

I will say though we chose our specific childminder based on her fit to our specific child. She had no space when we first enquired and we waited about 6 months for a place before DH could go back to work and he went back the days that worked around childminder days so this is an incredibly privileged position to be in with regards to childcare arrangements and won’t work for everyone.

Our childminder definitely offered a homely and relaxed experience for the kids in her care. They'd go off out to the beach, zoo, muddy walks, activity groups, etc but would also stay in her home baking, doing crafts, playing in the garden, etc. If a child was ill she'd tuck them up on a sofa with a blanket and the tv and give them lots of cuddles. Over the years as the children changed, grew up, etc I noticed she'd tailor the activities to the ages of the kids so none of them were ever bored or left out. I'm sure not every childminder is like her but she was absolutely amazing and felt like part of our family for those years.

Not my experience. Sometimes there was a large group, sometimes just the childminder and DD. On days like those she met up with other childminder friends or took DD when she was out running errands, or doing things just for DD. I was fine with that, normal life, and the ability to tailor it to DD's specific needs. DD got to hang out with kids of all ages, and as a result is particularly good with little kids, like having siblings.

Having seen childminders at our rhyme time groups... I would never, ever put my child in with a childminder when they're tiny. Maybe when they're bigger for a couple hours after school. But never when they're small.

The childminders I've seen really shocked me. Very little supervision of the kids, even when they're 18m old and on the top of a climbing frame with an open side. Shushing and shaming crying kids "come on now, enough of that, stop being a baby". Outright failing to even know where they are (the time when a little one, just started walking, had wandered away and was literally sat outside the building on the pavement chewing on a toy they'd picked up and left with, door was open as it was sunny, took a solid two minutes to find who'd brought them, anything could have happened). They tend to just sit on their phones or gossip with each other and ignore the kids. And that's in public. Goodness knows what happens in their homes.

Nursery might not be perfect, but at least there are more people around and more accountability, which I believe leads to higher standards.

I'm sure there are great ones, I came across one, but I wouldn't take the risk of someone caring for my kid in their home while having no idea what was going on. I'd have been heartbroken if my child was treated like the ones I saw with their childminder, week after week after week.

I used to see a brilliant childminder at a playgroup. I had a young baby and a toddler, and she helped me so much... for example in baby needed a feed, she would take my toddler off with her charges for the activities, and make sure she got snack at snack time. Or she would keep an eye on the baby toddler needed the toilet or so I could do an activity with the toddler. That woman was amazing. It was obvious her charges loved being with her.