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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my hairdresser behaved unprofessionally?

132 replies

JasmineJewels · 06/03/2024 20:43

I went to the hairdresser for a half head of highlights this week. I am naturally dark blonde but like to brighten my hair up. For years I box dyed my hair with the baby blonde nice & easy kit and it looked fine but now I go to the salon a few times a year and do it myself in between.

This hairdresser has done my highlights a few times over the last year and half. It had been several months since I’d been to her and I’d been away on holiday so I’d used a box dye in the meantime because I wanted to blend the regrowth.

On the day of the appointment, I sat in the chair and she started looking through my hair and asked if I’d used something on it since the last time. I told her I’d used box dye but only on the hairline and roots and her whole manner changed. She became very irritable with me and started basically telling me off. She started saying things like ‘I wish you wouldn’t put box dye on it because it’s so hard to lift for me! You should always wait and have it done professionally.’

I was taken aback because the box dye wasn’t that apparent. It had faded a lot and to be honest, I don’t have the money to go to the salon every time I have some regrowth. She made me feel like a scolded child and I was upset because I get a bit anxious anyway when I go to the hairdressers and she made me feel like I did something wrong. I pay a lot of money to have my hair done and I expect to feel relaxed, not uncomfortable.

Do you think she was tone deaf to say this in the middle of a cost of living crisis? Not everyone has the money to pay £70+ for their hair every 6 weeks. I understand it can be frustrating when clients use box dye but I didn’t find her reaction very professional.

OP posts:
MarkWithaC · 07/03/2024 11:09

Ginnnny · 07/03/2024 10:28

Hairdressers will always encourage you not to use box dye - as she said, it makes her job harder and it's more damaging than the products they use. Maybe you could go to her more often?

My hairdresser tells me that she dyes her own hair at home with box dyes. It's not 'always' by any means.
I think hairdressers acting like gatekeepers/founts of unchallengeable knowledge is a very old-fashioned notion. I've no time for it and I won't give those sorts of places my business.

FictionalCharacter · 07/03/2024 12:23

pootlin · 07/03/2024 10:56

Do box dyes really ruin hair? I'm getting a few greys so was tempted to try it but now not so sure.

Nope. I've been doing mine for years and my hair is fine.

Illbebythesea · 07/03/2024 12:24

I hate going to the hairdressers. They always talk the talk and I to have felt like a child being told off by their mother with them before. But my hair also never looks how I asked either! I don’t think my expectations are unrealistic but not one has ever actually managed to colour my hair how I’ve envisioned it being.

FictionalCharacter · 07/03/2024 12:25

JasmineJewels · 07/03/2024 08:15

Thanks for your replies. To the person who said maybe I was over sensitive because I was anxious, I don’t think I was. I can tell when someone’s being rude/ abrupt with me and she definitely was.

The weird thing is that I’ve been to her before after box dyeing and she seemed ok. My hair is basically bullet proof and lifts well whatever has happened 😂 especially once toner has been used. So I don’t know why she was moody suddenly. She knows I wouldn’t give her a bad review online, I’m not like that and I’m never picky about what I want with exact colours etc. I just wanted it to blend.

It has made me reconsider using box dyes because of the unknown ingredients. I know a bit about colour from reading online so I might order a professional colour with developer myself in the meantime (not bleach).

There are no unknown ingredients! They're all listed on the box. And they're the same chemicals that hairdressers use, just in different amounts.

HighonCatnip · 07/03/2024 12:29

YANBU.

It's fine for a hairdresser to say 'oh, I see! Just a heads up, the box dye might alter the results from the dye we apply here' and discuss going ahead and what to expect.

Good hairdressers don't openly judge or condescend to their clients. They take them as they are, trusting that whatever state their hair is in, they probably had their reason. Maybe you couldn't afford a trip to the salon but needed to zhuzh up for an interview. Maybe you just fancied a change. Maybe you agreed to let your hairdresser trainee niece have a practice on you cos it's just hair and it will grow back. Maybe it's literally none of their business.

Don't blame you for not going back. I wouldn't. Who does she think she is?

Mementomorissons · 07/03/2024 12:42

It is harder to deal with box dyed hair...but she was really rude! She could've made a joke about it

hangingonfordearlife1 · 07/03/2024 12:58

Ginnnny · 07/03/2024 10:28

Hairdressers will always encourage you not to use box dye - as she said, it makes her job harder and it's more damaging than the products they use. Maybe you could go to her more often?

not true

Mememe9898 · 07/03/2024 21:21

It’s not ideal but that’s up to you what you want to do. I rarely colour my hair because I refuse to have to pay over £100 on a regular basis to get my hair done. Not that I can’t afford it but I just don’t find the point of spending that much money on my hair.
Ive managed to find a home based hairdresser to do my hair these days who’s so much cheaper than the salon

Wobblysausage · 07/03/2024 21:35

Box dye is really unpredictable and difficult to remove plus using a block colour on highlights creates a band that’s hard to rectify. Some stylist charge for colour correction in these situations and that’s expensive so you’re lucky she still does it as highlights and doesn’t charge you extra.

Also people mentioning they say box dyes are bad because they want to make more money, that’s bull shit. They’re doing extra work and it takes up more of their time so essentially losing money! Why should they lose out because you’ve messed about with your hair.

Nigglenaggle · 07/03/2024 22:42

She was a bit direct but honestly, this is a small thing. Why get yourself worked up about it? Let it go and move on!

Grimchmas · 07/03/2024 22:46

Using box dyes complicates the chemistry for the hairdresser, particularly when lightening the hair is involved. You'd blame them if what they did on top of the unknown box dye product damaged your hair or made it a horrible colour.

I'd either do 100% box dye or 100% hairdresser dye whoever cuts your hair for you, to be honest.

RebeccaCloud9 · 07/03/2024 22:51

Ugh, hairdressers make such a big deal of it. I'm sorry but if you're charging me £40 for a semi permanent toner every few weeks, I've got no other choice if I want to cover my greys! It's always felt like a sales tactic to me, to shame me into going back more regularly.

tattygrl · 07/03/2024 23:04

I think this was rude of her, yes. You're right to pick up on how it made you feel, and that that's not how you want to feel at a (luxurious, non-essential) salon visit. The science of hair dye and treatment is by the by to be honest. If working on box-dyed hair is a dealbreaker for that stylist she needs to say so, not admonish and tell off her clients.

My hairdresser is fantastic and just takes my hair as it is, and we work together to formulate a plan for the result I want. He explains if it will take longer for any particular reason, and treats me with respect and the appropriate level of light-heartedness. It's hair, not anything essential! They need to appreciate that they've got people willing to come to them and lay out hundreds of quid on something we could definitely get by without.

Sleepydoor · 08/03/2024 00:04

Everyone who is saying they get great results with box dyes ABU -- because you're not leaving details about what you are using. Spill please.

Brand, colour/number, pics...

mkwar · 08/03/2024 00:47

I'm a hair dresser myself and yes she could have worded it better, but box dye is incredibly temperamental and can be hard to lift or can cause lasting damage to your hair, it's frustrating for hairdressers as it can put our quality of work at risk meaning you could leave unhappy as we can't achieve the colour you would like sometimes due to previous colour you might have applied to your hair, which could result in you spending more money. It's not always about getting the repeat custom. That's in my opinion and experience anyway x

PlumbersWifey · 08/03/2024 00:49

Crazycrazylady · 06/03/2024 20:56

To be fair my hairdresser hated it when I use box dye as well. She huffs and puffs and tells me it's really bad for my hair
Think it's fairly standard that hair dressers hate them tbh .

Nope. We just want you to pay us instead to be honest. Same stuff we use.

Blondiegirll · 08/03/2024 00:53

Just don’t go back. I can understand why they don’t want you to use box dyes as they then have to put chemical on top of the chemical that you’ve used and the outcome may not be as good as expected. Having said that you are not paying for a lecture and being made to feel small.

I recently had my colour done, cost me £107. I mentioned that it was a bit dark. They said fine, we’ll put a few more highlights through when you come back for a cut and mentioned it may cost about £20. When I went back they charged me £75! So all together I paid £182. I was shocked as they know that I try and keep the price down even having the cut done by a junior. I didn’t say much except when they tried to book me in again I said that I needed time to recover from this one! It’s a shame as I am happy with my hair but definitely won’t be going back and will be looking for a new hairdresser.

PawsisShady · 08/03/2024 00:54

Humptydumptybounced · 07/03/2024 07:16

Your hairdresser has a point (but could have been more tactful).

I have a friend who is a Podiatrist and they tell me that they get fed up with people using corn paste/razor blades/woodwork rasps etc on their feet, making a right mess and then expecting it to be put right in one treatment!

These clients want to save money bit it costs them more in the long run because they need more treatments to sort it out.

"Pay cheap, pay twice" as they say....

I went for an appointment after my dad. Explains why she was so impressed with my feet. I got "you put foot cream on every night?!" and lots of praise on my no hard skin

End of the appointment she says "now can you have a word with your dad and tell him what to do because you didn't get your foot care advice from him" Grin

Scorchio84 · 08/03/2024 01:29

I'm a brunette so maybe this doesn't really affect me as much than if I was a blonde but honestly I don't think in all my years paying (with time as well as money) I've ever had a good hairdressing experience? Never the right shade, told many times Ombre or Balayage couldn't be done this time with no alternative suggested, the cut inevitably ends with layers despite my aversion to them, lots of judgy comments, getting the head pulled off me & then always the hard sell of some wonder product... massive pain in the arse & so stressful

My sons nana goes to a lovely hairdresser who works from home & despite the "middle aged MIL hair" connotations I'm tempted to go to her next time

FleurdeLiane · 08/03/2024 03:17

pootlin · 07/03/2024 10:56

Do box dyes really ruin hair? I'm getting a few greys so was tempted to try it but now not so sure.

It's hard to apply on yourself. You have more risk of getting on your scalp which is an allergy risk, and of going over the hair again and again creating dense matt colour on the ends which looks odd.

Beautiful3 · 08/03/2024 06:50

I agree with you. I've stopped getting highlights too. I dye it myself now. I supported a student at a salon. They did get annoyed when a client had previously used a box dye, when they wanted highlights. It's hard for them to lift and might not turn out blonde but red, also uneven. They use a stronger bleach and leave on for longer, while checking it. If it didnt lift right theyd have to put something in all over to lift out the colour. So it's more damaging for your hair.

Manthide · 08/03/2024 06:52

I had my hair dyed last week. I try and go as long as possible between visits as I can't really afford it and I didn't get on well with box colours during lockdown. This time I went 4 months which was a bit too long for me. I do get my hair cut in between. My hairdresser is always perfectly polite. Last week I mentioned dm had had to box dye her hair as she couldn't get an appointment (we have the same hairdresser) and she didn't bat an eyelash! She 'only' charges £62 for a cut and colour.

OooohAhhhh · 08/03/2024 07:02

I think she could have phrased it differently so as to not upset you.
To be fair my hairdresser also told me to stop using box dyes, as it's not the same as salon products and can interfere with their colouring process. I had an all over head colour a while back and because I'd been dying my own roots I had a halo effect because their dye never took to that part of my hair properly. I now use the L'Oréal temporary root sprays inbetween appointments.

kalokagathos · 08/03/2024 07:15

Mine also tells me off ....

mummyh2016 · 08/03/2024 07:15

I'm a qualified hairdresser. You either need to use box colours all the time or get a hairdresser to colour all the time. You can't mix and match between the two, you're basically expecting your hairdresser to do a colour correction at every appointment, I presume you weren't charged for a colour correction?
I don't work in the industry anymore but the amount of work stylists had after lockdown was lifted due to box colours was ridiculous.