If you are overweight now do you think your partner still finds you attractive?

[penelopepinkbott]

So I know this seems an odd question but I've been thinking today. I found some old texts and a few naughty pics between my husband and me and looking at my old body I feel so fat. I am overweight (size 14-16) from a 10/12. I looked so good and now I really don't. Can anyone relate? Do you think you're still attractive/ as attractive? Im nearly 40 and I just think he can't fancy me at all.

@ohatefiftyfor okay, you don’t like that particular movement, fine. You think being overweight is unhealthy - fine.

Neither of those negate the fact that lots of people in lots of parts of the world fancy larger people.

Why do I think that plus size model who I follow is 🔥🔥🔥? I don’t know why I find her body so incredibly attractive, I just see the cuuurvesss and go a little insane. Thinking that ‘everyone’ has the same preferences as you because the media say so is a bit narrow minded.

My DP didn’t find me as attractive when I was clinically obese. That is completely normal & understandable. Fatness is unattractive & unhealthy. And the same would apply if he was obese & I maintained a healthy weight.

He still loved me though, and he was very supportive while I was losing the weight. Now, I’m no longer fat and he’s delighted for me.

I know my DH finds my body less attractive at my current size. I was a size 8 when we got married (but with D cup boobs and a biggish bum so not rail thin) and am now a 16.

He has always said he doesn’t find very overweight people attractive- he’s said this since we used to talk about that sort of thing 30 years ago. On the other hand, I don’t find very slim people attractive- I actually like a “beer belly” on a man. DH is quite lean and I’ve often said I’d like him a bit beefier.

The issue is not so much my size but rather the way the weight has gone on. I’ve developed quite a big “apron” and tons of cellulite - even on my stomach.

We still have sex but I will no longer show him my body ie no baths/showers together, no sex with the lights on etc.

I can’t blame him for the way he feels. He can make himself find a particular body type attractive (overweight) any more than I can (underweight) (or big bushy beards as per a previous thread!). Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me.

I am 60 next year and determined to lose weight and get fitter - more so that I feel better about myself, not “for him” if that makes sense?

Depends on your height. At 5ft 1 and size 12 I am nearly 3 st heavier than I was 40 yrs ago. I'm overweight, verging obese.

Hi @penelopepinkbott , judging by a conversation I had the other night with DP, you could be her. (Although I'll presume you're not.)

She like you is around 40, and has put on quite a bit of weight over the last couple of years (largely due to side effects of medication she's had to start taking).

The honest answer is that yes I'm less attracted to her at the moment, but it's not due to the weight, at least not directly.

Purely based on appearance, I fancy her just as much as I always have done. A few more curves and a bit of extra squishyness have not changed things at all. I'm sure there probably is a point at which that changes, but not right now.

What has lessened my attraction is the fact that her weight has caused her self confidence to take a hit. I like the lights on during sex, I want to see my partner bouncing around of top of me naked and being entirely unbothered about it. People who are comfortable in their own skin are hotter.

What I'm trying to say is not to care about your own weight too much, because people who are comfortable with their bodies are more attractive. And yes, I know it's easier said than done.

Now the conversation with DP went down like a lead balloon, so I imagine this will to, so apologies if I offended anyone.

He still seems to find me attractive (tells me I look nice, still wants sex, still affectionate, reassures me about my appearance when I'm lacking in confidence etc), but I do suspect he probably finds me more attractive when I'm not overweight. Like, he definitely does still fancy me, but if he had the choice of overweight me or slimmer me I'm sure he'd choose slimmer me. But he would never, ever say anything negative about my weight; he's much too kind for that.

Probably not as much as he used to. I've gained around 4 stone in the 20 years we have been together. He's gained around 3 so it's not just me. I still find him attractive and he still wants regular sex so I'm hoping that's a good sign. He's said before the weight isn't a problem as he loves me for me and how good a mum I am to our children which is lovely

Fatness is unattractive TO YOU. You are not everyone.

Yes I went from a 8 to a 12-14 and went through a phase of really struggling with this

What I realised is that my DH really really fancies me when I have a little makeup on, hair long and down, wearing something that suits me preferably a dress and have an air of confidence and a glow about me. All of which I had entirely or mostly stopped doing or lost, and all of which is a large part of my attractiveness when thinner.

So I cleared out me closet, packed anything that didn't fit away. Had my hair done, a facial, new makeup, new skincare, and started to build up a collection of new clothes. It took time and it took money, but it worked and my confidence and glow both came back.

Oh dear. I appear to have touched a nerve…

@Pinkdelight3 it's great you feel confident and you are clearly with someone as you describe, but it's not true of all (or even most!) men.

What a silly, goady generalisation. Lots of people prefer a curvier figure, it’s just personal taste.

IME men really don't care about the same things women look at as flaws. They really don't. All the weight propaganda, fashion world do's and don'ts , plastic surgery etc is fuelled by mostly gay men who aren't interested in women's bodies other than as consumers of beauty, fashion, surgery etc etc. Straight men who are confident love women the way they are. My DH has known me 40 years and still feels the same about my looks, is extremely complimentary but it's me who is self critical.

Depends what you find attractive. Some people prefer all sorts of things, height, shape, all sorts of things. As one pp said some don't like beards!!

I am very overweight and dh is adamant that he still finds me very desirable and sexy. My low self esteem means I struggle to believe him, but he is absolutely sure.

Not at all, you just appear to be confused about where you end, and other people start…

I am very happy finding fat, thin and in between people attractive, no nerve to touch there.

Apologies for triggering you. 😉

Cheers. But in what way would you fancying different people to me be triggering?

I'm a size 20 at the moment and can't understand how my DP still finds me attractive. It's very obvious that he does though and he's adamant that my weight makes no difference to how attractive he finds me.

I've started shifting the weight now, so I'll be able to monitor whether this is indeed true 😄.

My partner actually said he didn't fancy me when I was very skinny as I looked skeletal (I lost 2 stone a few years ago and at my lightest was 8st 2, BMI 18.5).
I think there would be quite a lot of leeway for weight gain before he wouldn't find me attractive. Mind you, it could be because he is overweight and is from an overweight family, so it's normal.
Size 12 to 14 is quite average these days. I wouldn't say it's particularly overweight at all.

@pandarific I completely agree that curves are v. attractive to many, many people. My DD has an hourglass figure and she gets a lot of attention, far more than skinnier me did at that age!

From a medical point of view, being overweight is unhealthy though, isn’t it? A bmi of 25-plus increases health risks; 30-plus significantly increases them, doesn’t it?

This made me feel really sad. You should be more concerned about whether you find yourself attractive. You should lose weight/get in better shape for yourself and yourself alone xx

I am not going to tell you the size, 14 would be slim for me....my husband is a handsome man , never failing to show he wants to be with me in the.....

We aren’t talking about health though, we are talking about whether you feel you are attractive personally and objectively.

@BlueMonday1977 I know, that poster was responding to a comment about whether certain body trends are genuinely positive.