If you are overweight now do you think your partner still finds you attractive?

[penelopepinkbott]

So I know this seems an odd question but I've been thinking today. I found some old texts and a few naughty pics between my husband and me and looking at my old body I feel so fat. I am overweight (size 14-16) from a 10/12. I looked so good and now I really don't. Can anyone relate? Do you think you're still attractive/ as attractive? Im nearly 40 and I just think he can't fancy me at all.

The whole ‘overweight people aren’t attractive’ is just brain rot that was introduced to you when you were young. Once you reprogram yourself to see it as what it is, and that a normal range of bodies and body types can be attractive, then you will feel better.

i would suggest looking at mid size and plus size fashion influencers in order to feel better about yourself. seeing happy people of all shapes and sizes have fun with fashion is nice.

Well if it’s any consolation, many, many years ago I was engaged to a VERY good looking guy for 6 years who quite frankly couldn’t keep it in his pants.

I was size 8/10 and took great care of myself. Everyone ex cheated with was at least size 14 and often larger.

I finally left him and met my wonderful DH 2 years later thank God.

Ex F lives in another city and so I never saw him again but one day discovered on SM that he married in his early 30s to a very nice looking lady who I would say is definitely 18/20. Their dd’s who are now adults are both the same.

I am still quite petite whereas my DH has always been on the heavier side. ExF was always slim and still is, (Although his looks didn’t age well.)

Turns out we both definitely weren’t each other’s type. 😂

Also, I’m bi, and I am prettymuch only interested in size 12/14 up - I just don’t particularly find very slim women attractive. 🤷‍♀️ People have different tastes.

Attractiveness should be secondary to health risks when it comes to weight.

years ago I was having a similar crisis of confidence. He hugged me and said it doesn't matter, I'm not in love with this - prodded arse - I'm in love with this - prodded head. It was definitely done in a better manner than I make it sound 😆
Neither of us is the same as we were more than 20 years ago, but it doesn't matter. Still fancy the pants of each other.

I’m heavier now than I was when I got with my husband, nearly ten years ago. I was 21 and a size 10, and now I’m 30 and a size 14. He still fancies me, of that I’m certain.
In your situation, I can understand and empathise with how you’re feeling but I’m pretty sure you’d know about it if your husband didn’t fancy you! It sounds like this is ‘just’ a confidence crisis about getting older and putting on a bit of weight.

My wife has, as have I, gained and lost weight during our decades-long marriage, I've never once not found her beautiful and been attracted to her.
I think in long-term relationships attraction is a complicated combination of love, lust, connections, history, affection, memories, closeness, trust, and commitment.
It's not just a superficial response to a number, or size, or concepts of perfection. I've not explained that very well I guess, but I know what I mean if that makes sense!

Realistically it is often not though is it.

Humans don't find excess, unhealthy fat on the body attractive. It's just a fact and no amount of influencers are going to change that.

My DP is overweight and I know he feels self conscious but I still fancy the arse off him and I’m sure you DP is likely to be the same! Unless he’s saying or doing things to make you think this?

@ohatefiftyfor whatever, you’re entitled to your opinion. Personally I see a real shift, as boomers, gen z and millennials had the awful diet culture pushed on them and internalised a lot of dodgy messages, like (imo) the one above.

I know I see lots of gen Z being much more relaxed about the whole thing, which is what you would expect to see, as they have been raised in line with body positivity.

We have been together for 12 years and he's seen me at a size 10 and a size 18 and everything in between. He's always been attracted and enjoys different things. He likes a big bum and big boobs so size 18 didn't bother him. He has commented on my curvy back when slimmer. However the thing he's most attracted to is my confidence - the more confident I am the more he is attracted. So sometimes when I've felt shit about myself I think our relationship suffers.

Same sex relationship so both women who have increased in weight

I personally really don't mind and still am attracted to my partner. However I do notice the dent it's made in her self confidence, and in someways that does impact our sex life and makes her slightly less attractive to me.

Using your example she wouldnt probably send naughty pictures now, and would be feeling a bit preoccupied if we attempted spontantious broad daylight sex, specific positions etc or even just flirting because shes quickier to doubt that i fancy her. Sometimes it makes me feel like some sort of pest because she's feeling less attractive so if I say or do anything that implies I think she is it's slightly scoffed at or has a bit of a "yeah right" style response

For me the impact is in missing the slightly more confident version of her who felt she was attractive If that makes sense? I genuinely don't miss the way she looked at 20

I think my weight is more of an issue as its drastically changed the way I look. I also think for her she misses a more active version of me. I'm losing weight and feel it's helped our connection, because I'm saying no to less things and am probably a bit more fun. For example we've just been away and done some longer walks I'd of struggled with, and done some silly things like Done a go ape course with my nephew which I'd of said I was too heavy for till recently.

I've been with dh for 20 years and am almost 40 now. Obviously my body has changed since we met, I was a teenager back then, his has too. In regards to weight though when we met I was a size 8 and was for most of our marriage. In the past few years I put on a stone and a half and went up to a size 12. For me it was the fact that I didn't feel as attractive, if dh found me less attractive he never showed it. I'm back to the weight I was in my early 20s now and I feel fitter and more sexy and my confidence is back and that has been good for our relationship all around.

That’s quite a small size difference @penelopepinkbott your problem is how you feel - long long relationship here, and similar range and tbh he’s even keener now, there are pluses and minuses to different sizes.

you do need to get out of the whole 90s style
bone thin is the goal mindset. Feeling good, enjoying yourself, eating food that’s good for your body and dressing well should be your focus.

mid you’ve been holding off new clothes/underwear etc til you become perfect, get out there. You’ll make better choices if you feel good about yourself in any case.

Years ago a couple down the road from where we previously lived, the wife left her husband. From what I understand the husband had left himself go and was certainly overweight and burdened by what I can only describe as a 'larger belly.'

The man was working 10 /12 hours 5/6 days a week and no time to excriceis etc- he was a broken man when the wife left him and and young children. This man a few months later started to excercise etc and stopped drinking - within the year he looked like a different man and looked handsome and very smart - then he got a new partner about 2 years after that

I heard his wife was kicked out by her lover the lover went back to the wife.

The mans ex wife ie man on our street wanted him back and he said no as did the children

your OH, big or small, they are the same person so love them and dont cheat

I have one nearly 17 year old DS he is very thin but definitely appears to be of this more enlightened thinking than boys of my generation at that age. However, I have a nearly 13 year old DD who is very thin and I worry all the time about her views on this. I was young when heroin chic was all over magazines but then things changed a bit in late 90s with stronger looking women seen as attractive.

Yes I know he does. The energy between us is still the same as it always was.

I was tall, long blonde hair, two perfect large breasts, size 12 and I'm now wirey mousey hair after being bald, size 18 and 1 breast and 1 botched mastectomy and I've lost 4 inches in height so that size 18 shows a lot.

We've always been crazily attracted to each other and at times I've found it hard to believe he still does fancy me but I know he does and he turns heads literally everywhere, that's just a fact.

Sex and intimacy is more than just two bodies. A certain state of mind/enthusiasm is very attractive too. Stop thinking you're just the sum total of your body whether or not it's bigger than it used to be. If I focused on what I look like now compared to what I used to I'd crawl in a hole and die.

How do you know?

I looked so good and now I really don't. So that is the issue, not your size. Most of the women I know look fabulous and glow at a size 14/16, and now we are over 40 my size 8/10 friends look sinewy and serious.
I know this is only my experience but your self confidence will improve your appearance.

I’ve always been attracted to men with chunky, rugby players-type builds so inevitably I married someone with that frame. Now in his 50’s, some of the muscle has turned to fat snd his doctor’s told him that he needs to lose over a stone. I can see it, obviously, but I still fancy the pants off him, I find everything about him attractive. I don’t look the same either but he’s also very keen on me so we’re well-suited. 😂

In all honesty if he became extremely overweight (morbidly obese, for example), I don’t know whether I’d feel the same way. But then we’d have far more serious health issues to contend with if that happened.

I've gone from a size 8-10 to a 14 after having my daughter. I feel awful in myself but husband doesn't seem to care

I completely agree with your comment about being extremely thin in your 40’s, @LocalHobo. I’m nearly 50 and my friends in their 40’s/50’s who are v. thin have deep lines and look far more haggard than people who are size 10/12/14, for example. We need a little more fat under our skin at this age to counteract the lines. 😂

Have you got 100 toes per feet? You've got 600,000,000 toes!😂😂

Size 18 here and DH often says he loves my body. Was a 12 when I met him.