to think that telling 5 yo's if they do not behave they will go to the naughty school or home is child abuse?

[LeilaAndLeo]

My parents used to say this to me when I was a young child and DD aged 5 has just told me that Granny (my mum) has told her and my niece also 5 this. I also remember my Mother saying to me "if you don't eat your dinner, I will phone the homes" .

I really cannot get to grips with my parents generation at all. Who would say this to children?

Sorry if I was sounding abit snotty - I got very carried away with how I was feeling. Also sorry to hear that you were abused by your parents. I think one thing that does make me angry is that alot of the "parenting" advice given to us these days is handed down by people from our parents' generation - yet tbh most were pretty crap and the whole reason we often overindulge our children now is to make up for the things that we went through as kids. Despite everything I still want my parents to have more involvement in my kids' lives and they don't want to. I feel so envious of people who are actually close to their parents.

Message withdrawn

People who say "Oh my child can't possibly believe I would mean that" need to have a closer look at what a child will actually believe. Children believe in Santa, the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, fairies, unicorns, ghosts, magic, their own ability to stop a moving car using 'The Force' - why, then, would a threat, to give a child who already knows he is being naughty to the naughty children's home, be so implausable to a 5 year old?

Excellent post, Colditz.

Kitti - you're right in that you have to see the words used as part of the whole parenting parcel but that's just it. A parent who consistently disrespects his/her children in such a way clearly does not take them at all seriously and therefore the attitude is likely to be carried into all aspects of parenting, whether they follow through with the threat or not.

And it all depends on what you class as child abuse. The NSPCC cite frequent threats as an example of emotional child abuse so a parent constantly saying these things to his/her child would be abusing them. That's aside from the well-documented negative long-term affects on the emotional well-being of adults who've not been taken seriously in their childhood.

I believe in Unicorns, I have a pink one called ....Unicorn, believe it or not!

I appreciate what everyone is saying about parents threatening their children with the 'naughty home', ad I can see how it could be damaging, but what is wrong with saying to your child who won't leave somewhere 'bye bye, mummy's going now?' they'll follow, and if not you'll go back. I use it with my 1.6 dd, in my opinion it's alot less damaging than dragging a screaming, kicking child along the street. Why make life hard for yourself?

Have to admit I never thought parenting would mean telling so many white lies to my kids, but I'm aware I have to do it a lot of the time to get them to do/ not to do stuff (don't touch that car an alarm will go off/the police might come)
My dad used to say he'd swap me/take me back to pet shop and looking abck it did me no harm and stopped me being a terror. Don't think it's child abuse, just a nasty thing to say to a small person.

I had to stop that one naturalblonde. I did it with 3rd DS when he was about your DDs age. He took no noice and when he looked round he saw a car very similar to mine leaving the car park. He was distraught-even when I picked him up and said that it wasn't our car his body shook with sobs, I never saw him more upset before or since.I felt dreadful and I told him that there was no way that I would ever leave him so that was the end of using that one! I still makes me feel tearful thinking of the state that he was in.

sorry - should read notice.

A friend of mine used to tell her little boy that she would "get the police to him" if he didnt behave. One day he and his little friend ran away and my friend had to end up calling the police as he was only about 3 yo at the time. When the police did find them and brought him home she ended up getting more of a lecture than him as he was apparently terrified when he saw the police looking for him. The police explained to my friend that parents should be teaching their kids that the first person they go to is a police officer and not painting them out to be bad guys.

FFS , i admit i do say this to my dd when she is driving me up the wall, it saves me smacking her,which i have rarely done anyway.

Its hardly abuse.

i tell my dd i love her all the time, but i dont always like her behaviour. If she is vile to her brother or me, then i tell her she can live elsewhere.

mum2taylor - the policeman thing - my mother says this to my DD and my neice and it annoys me SO much. As you say, a child should be able to trust a police officer not be afraid of them.

When i've had to put my DD1 (nearly 6yrs) on the naughty step i usually say that i didn't like her behaviour but that whatever happens i will always LOVE her but i may not LIKE her sometimes if she is mean to her sister or is being naughty.
My Mum used to threaten me and my brother with a carpet beater but she never hit us with it.
Good God did i hate that carpet beater, i tried to hide it a few times but she always found it.
AB

Yesterday DD1 was at her martial arts class and another mother was there with her 18 month old girl who was basically exploring and trying to join in.
The mother spent most of her time chatting to her friend next to her or on the phone and would just call out every now and then to say.
"Don't do that X, or the teacher will tell you off"
If she actually paid more attention to the poor child then maybe she would not play up so much.
And why should the teacher "sort out her child"?
AB

Oh for god sake get a grip.
Your going to a home if you don't behave,
Your mums ran away with the coal man and so on.
FFS
Oh and allgonebellyup, if it stops you smacking your dd then its no big deal.

Sorry I would give a parent a very hard time if they said 'police would take you away' We should be seen as someone safe. Get your kids to wave at police and talk to them at local fairs. By the way I tell my little one that I will give his toys to poor children if he is naughty. Is that good or bad? have already with some baby books so he knows. DH was told he would be sent to Barnados if he didn't behave. He laughs about it now, but doesn't say it to our boy.

Oh and is lying about santa, the easter bunny and the tooth fairy all abuse!
White lies to try and keep them in line.
We don't all have perfect children and we all tell white lies to keep them in line.

santa, easter bunny and tooth fairy are not comparable - they are things loving parents do to add to the magic of childhood

completely different intentions to if you're threatening them with things to scare them

So you've never said that santa only comes to good boys and girls then

x-posts Wii

i agree with you, clearly

no, lilac, I never have!