Should Grandparents help out with childcare?

[Hccvrdg]

This is inspired by the recent thread from the lady who wants her parents to look after kids while her and DH go away for the weekend...

My kids are now grown up but when they were younger my parents NEVER babysat, not even for an hour. It was made clear when I first got pregnant that they'd raised thier children and had done thier duty... looking back my GP never babysit myself and siblings either.

PIL occasionally babysat for a couple of hours when we just had one child but when I had my second this fizzled out - apparently 2 kids was 'too much' ( DH is an only child)
They had kids once overnight when DH and I got a free night in a swish hotel... they turned up at 6pm after I'd fed kids and wanted us back home by 10am so we couldn't really make the best of it!
I became a SAHM because I knew that school holidays, after school pickup etc would be a major issue - I'd seen colleagues struggle for years with getting time off. This was long ago when flexible working and parental leave didn't exist.

I suppose I just accepted that this was normal, but from reading some of these threads it looks like alot of mums get a hell of a lot of help from GP
So my question is
YABU - they're your kids, GP shouldn't have to look after them
YANBU - GP step up, help out and look after your grandkids

Ignore the haters, most subjects have been covered before 🙂

My mental and physical health would have been a whole lot better if we'd had grandparents who could step up and give us a breather. In 14 years we've had a couple of nights off and no regular help.

I totally understand why Britain's population is in decline now when we need two salaries to make ends meet and our parents are wiping their hands of us with the message that they've done their duty and we're on our own.

I don't think grandparents are obligated to help out with their grandchildren. Everyone is different and if they feel that they've raised their children and now want to do their own thing, I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that. But I think most grandparents are loving and want to spend time with their grandchildren. My parents helped a lot, not because they had to but because they loved spending time with them. They have been rewarded by having a close loving relationship and now my sons are adults, they still see my mum all the time and help her with the garden etc. My mum is 82 and loves being with them.

I find it weird any grandparent pint blank refusing to ever babysit or help their own children, my mum felt it was a privilege to spend time with my kids, obviously childcare shouldn’t be expected but help when needed or giving parents a break is what I will be doing

That’s shocking

If they want to then yes that's great, but if they feel they have done their bit and don't want to I understand that too.
I do think the hotel thing was a bit mean though, that once wouldn't have hurt. X

I'm already in my 60s with no GC nor any prospect of them, and I feel I will just be too old. I don't want to undertake regular childcare in terms of days per week but I would like to think I could babysit sometimes if I am not decrepit (which at this point, it looks as if I will!!) I was an older mum, so them's the breaks.

I've a family member who retired early. She now looks after her mum part of the week, another relative for a few hours on a Tuesday, and childcare the rest of the week for her daughters. I don't want that - I think she is mad!

Yes I was always looked after by my grandma and grandad whilst my parents worked

Surely it's up to the grandparents?

My parents LOVE babysitting, if the kids aren't with them they watsapp asking after them, we have a watsapp group to share pics and videos. They adore them. They help me endlessly and if they don't see them for a few days they call up and ask me to bring them.

I'm aware other parents aren't like this however and while that's sad, it's their choice I guess.

We get zero help from my in laws but they aren’t in best health and in their late 70s.
My mum lives on the other side of the world but when she’s in the uk she does help a lot with the kids but she gets tired very quickly and often finds it too much even after a week of looking after them for a couple of hours a day but hopefully should be easier now as both older.

We had no help at all. Eldest nearly 27 now. Grandparents simply lived too far away.

We needed two salaries too and the childcare years for 3 wiped us out financially. I was basically working for my pension.

My parents helped us out in other ways, mostly financially, but they couldn't be any practical help. ILs were useless in every shape and form. I'd never have expected any of them to provide regular childcare anyway. I don't think it's necessarily parents "wiping their hands of us" - mine were there certainly for a lot of moral support.

I cannot imagine not helping with grandchildren if I was able to do it. My kids are my favourite people so I'm looking forward to eventually there being little ones around again.

Im child free by choice. i decided 30 years ago at 21 that i didnt want kids and that decision was nothing to do with whether or not my parents would look after their imaginary grandchildren. Im child free by choice because of the very attitudes shown on this thread, that WOMEN (because lets face it its the grand MOTHERS who are expected to step up) are expected to be the default carer of kids their whole lives and even at 21 i could see that it would never end. Life experience and threads like these shows that i wasnt wrong.

We're so grateful that our child is looked after by grandparents when I'm working. Our parents didn't get any help themselves..they didn't have jobs before we went to school though, so the circumstances are very different. Our family unit couldn't survive without my salary even though it's not very high, and my salary would've been wiped out by childcare costs so we're very grateful to our parents that they could help. Circumstances are so different now and so many rely on their parents for childcare.. But no, it's not a right, and they wouldn't be unreasonable to refuse. We've had our child later in life (not through choice) so by the time any gc are on the way we would probably be too old to do any meaningful childcare, and I'm guessing that may be the case for many in the future as lots are now choosing to have kids later in life.

Bit dramatic🙄

I don't think it's even slightly dramatic. It's fucking exhausting having to pay for or negotiate every single breather.

Yes, imagine if there were babysitting agencies you could hire someone to look after your dc....

Yeah because after a week's worth of nursery fees, we all look forward to paying a babysitter at the weekend too! Doesn't ever suck any of the fun out of it. Good job childcare is so affordable...

Yes I think GPs should help out for sure. I absolutely don't think they should be tied into regular childcare but not doing the.occasional evening so the parents can have a dinner out together or something? That's just selfish. Unless they're unable to for whatever reason.
My parents pretty much don't, maybe one evening every couple of years, but they would in an emergency so I suppose that's something. My GPs had me and sis overnight pretty much every Friday to give them a break when we were little, and then at least one school holiday a year when we were a bit older so it pisses me off actually.

well gee - if thats not the cost of having dc eh?

If you want to go out in the evening, then you either trade babysitting with another parent/friend/family or you pay for it

Yes well thank you for stating the bleeding obvious and entirely missing the point.

I dont think it was me that missed the point here.

I was agreeing with a PP about the dramatics on a post. There are options.

It's not dramatic in the slightest I don't think.
Paid babysitters or trading with friends is not the same as help given willingly by your closest family. It's really not hard to grasp.
You are deliberately missing the point by failing to recognize that the other options are not a direct replacement.

Of course its not the same, its a paid alternative. The result is the same though - people go out and dc are looked after.

However, it is a valid alternative.
Grandparents are not obliged to look after their GDC, they looked after OP. OP had dc, they need to work out their own stuff

My parents rarely help out.Its kind of ironic when I spent all weekend at my nanas house as a child 😂.I don't expect them to help,and they have never offered.My and my partner worked our working hours around the kids so we were lucky enough not to need childcare.I worked nights and he works days.It would have been so helpful if the Grandparents had wanted to help,maybe the odd school pick up here and then.We just got on with it really without expecting help from them.