Fleeting comments that still sting years later

[HoorayFriday]

I was early 30's and single. Dating, but having zero luck and wondering if I'd die alone at the bottom of the stairs with my cat eating my big toe.

I confided in my best friend at the time, I was feeling low about myself and sad. Fed up of the dating world.

She said, her partner had told her that "if I lost a bit of weight I could have anyone I wanted".

Was it a back handed compliment? Meant to hurt me? Meant to make me feel better? Why would she say that? I had no idea.

Years later, it still pops up in my head like that unexpected morning pimple.

I've always carried a few extra pounds, I love my food! But, I was by no means what you'd describe as "big".

Anyway, it stung. A lot. And certainly didn't make me feel better.

It made me wonder if anyone else had a carefree passing comment, that probably meant nothing to the person who said it, yet hit you to the core and stayed with you years later?

My ex once said that I'm a liar and tell little lies, all the time, to "get out of trouble" with him, so he can't trust anything I say. Arsehole. He would refuse to substantiate it with a single example. Once his sister visited and later he smirked at me and said "lying again weren't you", again refusing to give examples. After that I practically stayed silent whenever anyone visited and he was there and still to this day I have this real deep paranoia about people thinking I'm a liar, it really affects me and my relationships.

Don't ever get drunk with one of your parents. There's no knowing what might come out.

So dad and I and my boyfriend at the time had dinner and much too much to drink. And dad said "well I never expected you to amount to anything, you're a girl after all."

This was before I dumped that boyfriend, spent a couple of years travelling around the world, did a graduate degree and married a lovely bloke. That was nearly 40 years back. Still hurts.

Similar thing…was chatting with a guy I’d met online dating a few years ago and mentioned it to my mum who replied.

”Has he seen you? I mean does he know how big you are?”

He had and said he loved curvy women…then ghosted me a couple of days later and I’ve always wondered if he was lying. To say it’s dented my confidence is an understatement.

This endless fixation on a woman's looks ...so shallow and dull! Who cares if some guy things ur a minger or fat or wouldn't sleep with u. Like yuck...wudnt want such a horrible guy's attention anyway. The older I get I realise that it's just such a tragic waste of time!

My MIL told me I wasn't a proper woman as I hadn't had 4 miscarriages like her!
I went on to have 2 children and 4 miscarriages (exactly the same as her) but she never even congratulated me on being a "proper woman". Instead she criticised me constantly and took the mickey out of me always.
We don't talk anymore.

When I was 19, I was seeing a boy who was at university in my city. He was from down south. He was a student and I was trying to do my A levels and working 2 jobs because my parents weren't working.

I drove him home for Easter and met his dm. She immediately called my accent common. She asked why I was still doing A levels. Had I failed them? When I explained that I dropped out because I had to work full time to help out at home, she said she had heard that our area was quite impoverished and said it must be hard being poor.

When I was leaving, she told me quietly to "get back to my council house and stay there".

I cried all the way home. The relationship ended a few months later and I had a huge chip on my shoulder about my background for years afterwards.

A mutual “friend” told me that an ex (that I was still very much in love with) told them I was “a mistake he would rather forget”.

Last year of primary school, it was 1990, I was 10, my class was taken on a history trip to Llancaiach Fawr, it's a Welsh living history museum. We were listening to a guide talk about traditional dress and he showed a bum roll, no idea what the proper name is sorry, anyway he asked if anyone wanted to try it on, he was looking around and he looked at me and said: well you'll never need one of these will you. I am very curvy in the arse department and always have been, but that cruel comment has always and will always hurt I remember it like is was yesterday, who says that to a 10 year old!? I waited until my teachers back was turned and I ran of and cried. I will never forget it.

A boyfriend once said to me "You'd be absolute perfection if it wasn't for your legs" . It is true that I do not have good legs, I have quite big thighs, fat knees and cankles, I have always loathed my legs and never showed them off and it is true that in my hey day I was quite a looker, high cheek bones, brunette hair, good skin and a slim hour glass figure. It was as if he knew the thing that really bothered me and honed in on it. I am past all that now, but oh, I still hate my legs!

Not nearly as horrible as many of the very sad ones on here, and it was not meant to hurt at all, but didn't make me feel good about ageing: My stepdaughter only met me when I was 40. Not long after that (she was about 11) I showed her some pictures of myself when I was much younger, expecting her to comment on the crazy 80s hair and clothes etc. She said "oh, you were so beautiful then, I can't believe that is really you". I am sure she would be mortified if I reminded her of this (she's an adult now, and I am quite sure she would not remember it) but it was upsetting and made me feel very self-conscious about ageing.

That is a really old generalised comment that was popular years ago. It's absolute crap. I know lots of men who find women in glasses attractive. Plus the other way round. One of my friends has only ever dated men in specs!

"Do you feel less of a human for making such a cruel comment? "
People can be so fucking tactless around this subject. My MiL pointedly told my sister how "clever" she was when she produced her fourth child. I'd had four failed rounds of IVF and a still birth at the time. I was dumbstruck as well

Oh that really hit hard with me, I am so sorry. My dad used to say stuff like that and it hurts so much and for such a long time. I am sure you were a wonderful, talented and delightful little girl and I hope I was too

When I was 10 years old, I went swimming with a group of friends and one of their mothers to the local pool. I jumped off the diving board and when I came back to the group, one of the other girls told me that my "friend" had said "When Magic Castle landed in the pool the whole world shook" and her mother had laughed and said "Yeah I bet it did"

I was humiliated! I was already bigger than the other girls as I started puberty early. Was by no means obese or actually even fat, I was just a foot taller than everyone else. But I'm 40 now and those words have stayed with me for the last 30 odd years! Bit silly to still feel ashamed about it but those childhood feelings of embarrassment have never gone away and I've felt like the fat one in the group my whole life :(

A newish and far more junior colleague (not that it matters but just to clarify we weren’t colleagues who worked together closely so had ‘banter’) said “You’ve put a bit on here (gesturing to my stomach). When are you due?”

I obviously didn’t reply “When are you getting your toupee for your bald patch, Friar Tuck?” But I so wanted to in the heat of the moment.

It doesn’t sting now but did at the time.

No one else thought thst, honestly. This teacher was just a twat.

‘You have a lot of friends that have kids with disabilities.’

No shit sherlock seeing as both of my children have disabilities/additional needs. That was said to me by my cousin and I think she’d be shocked to know how much that comment stays with me. It was the way that she said it…

My ex husband said he was going to make the OW our daughters new mummy and that she’d call her mummy. He’s still with the OW 26 years later and hasn’t seen his daughter in 24 of those years because she wouldn’t call her mummy! Dunno why but that still stings.

Like others, comments about my weight when I was 11/12. Perhaps if my parents had looked at what they were feeding me I wouldn’t have been obese. I went down to a size 8 due to an eating disorder between 14 - 18 and they called me Skeleton. They wondered why I went NC with the full family…

The worst bit of this one is that I’m sure the person who said it (an older chap) genuinely thought he was being helpful! “What you want to do is find yourself a nice sensible boy who doesn’t go for looks.” 🙄😬😡

@Kingsleadhat that's disgusting. Was that in front of you?

This is just so unbelievably horrible. What a psycho. Shudder to think if some unfortunate woman ended up with this guy.

About 10 years ago I was re-introduced to one of my mums friends at my mums parrt. I hadn't seen this woman in over 20 years... she was Tring to recall if she had met me before. . She looked puzzled and said ' oh, yes, you were much slimmer then. It was not necessarily what she said, but how she said it!!

Whatever, you aren't very nice - maybe take a step back and look at your response 👍

My dad (now NC) said to me, when I was about 16 yrs old, I was probably just an ugly duckling and that hopefully, one day, I'd transform into a swan when I was older.

Yeah, kid, you are ugly. But you never know, you might get better looking in a few years time if we keep our fingers crossed 🤞

My three year old today told me that she was sad that didn’t have a lovely big tummy like me. 😒