Fallout with MIL over a tricycle

[Cam007]

My MIL mentioned that she wanted to buy my 11 month old baby a tricycle during a stroll in the park. I expressed safety concerns due to my own past experiences as child (I had a bad accident on a tricycle when I was a toddler). I let her know that me and my husband would need to look at tricycle reviews and their level of safety to choose the most appropriate one and that we won’t be able use it until 18 months. The day before his 1 st birthday my MIL tells us that she has bought his birthday present and it’s a tricycle. I replied that we had talked about this and my MIL shucked. The next day our son is presented with a wrapped box containing said tricycle. My husband and I decided not to open the box because we were unhappy that she had gone against our wishes. The next day my husband called his mum to tell her that we weren’t happy about the situation and that we felt that she had undermined our parenting. She got upset and hang up on my husband. Are we being unreasonable or should we accepted the gift and not made an issue out of it?

I'm not sure 1 year olds get much out of a tricycle anyway. They can't coordinate their legs at that age or push hard enough to make it work. Just smile and put it away until he's the right age. I think she might have secretly enjoyed winding up some drama here! Don't give her the chance next time.

Even if they agree with their wives?

Nowhere does it say OP made her husband call his mother about it.

I had quite a bad accident on a tricycle aged 3 which resulted in facial stitches and I reckon I was a lot more steady on it than an 11 month old would be. They are way too young for that unless it's a push along chunky trike thing and MIL should have respected both your wishes anyway.

I think she overstepped by ignoring yours and DH wishes. It’s not her child so she shouldn’t be overruling.
chuckling and just ploughing on regardless

It was a present. To a toddler. OP and her husband have 100% of the control over whether their child actually uses it or not. Buying it would have made the MIL happy. Why not just accept the gift and make the MIL happy. Arguably it’s a bit wasteful, but it’s horribly rude to reject a present like that. MIL will feel as if the OP and her son are rejecting HER.

I’d say she laughed at how daft you sounded. People need to stop projecting their own fears onto their kids. The more you bubble wrap your kid from “what if” & “might” & “maybe” accidents the less they’re learn from their little clumsy mistakes. Tricycles are safer now than they were 20/30 years ago but in all honesty what kind of accident did you have that was horrifically traumatic? You’re a rare case in all honesty and I’m sure by the sounds of your OTT attitude saying you must wait til 18 months that you’re unlikely to leave your baby unattended on the tricycle so extremely unlikely the same will happen to him!! There’s 18 month old toddlers wizzing round on balance bikes and you want to stop your toddler even getting on a trike til then?? I feel bad for your MIL putting in the effort to get your baby a lovely memorable first birthday gift and you’re been controlling and ungrateful over it. Your husbands probably just going along with you to save the headache over disagreeing with your ridiculous points. You could have done your research there and then on your phone and sent MIL a few choices, there’s trikes that does from 6 months up to 3 so no excuse to avoid til 18 months. Give the kid his trike and let him explore it, by 18 months he’ll be a little pro on it….if you actually let him that is 😏

Dear op , in this life as a mother you'll come across many presents for your child that you may not agree with. It's important to remember to be thankful that you have people around who care enough about your child and give gifts. Say thank you , open the presents and decide later if your child will use the gift or not

Because OP had told the overbearing MIL that her child wouldn’t be using a tricycle until 18months old. That’s that. End of discussion.

I don’t ask what to buy for my grandchildren when they’re so little. I just choose something I think they’ll like. Saves hassle.

When they’re a bit older with specific wants and hobbies I ask for guidance.

How the f**k would you know? Do you know this child personally?

Shucking also involves pushing in a bladed instrument, I wouldn't upset her too much!

I totally see both sides, it's a gift should have been accepted with manors - thanks.

But at the same time MIL shouldn't have bought it. She was told no.

I've had a fair few bulky not quite what LO needed gifts some of which have been £££. And it just makes me think what a waste of money. Storage space and it's blinking annoying when I have the job of clearing it out the garage

Can you explain the MILs side? What's her thought process, I can't think of any genuine reason for her bahaviour

The mil should have listened to the no. But at the same time she probably thought thousands of kids have trikes especially the modern smart trike types with hoods, parent handles and kids are strapped in. They are like a glorified pushchair.
How can they possibly be dangerous?

And nobody ever seems to use them as self propelled trikes (probably because scooters and balance bikes are much easier)

Did Op or DH give other suggestions for the kids birthday?

I do see that she might have different views in trikes but I just can't fathom the going against the parents wishes, there is literally no reason that would ever mean that was the only option for a gift

Totally see about the thinking differently part

You asking ott re this. Yabu. Your description of your poor mil was rude.

Good grief.

There is a difference between people buying gifts for a child and people buying gifts for a child after their parents clearly stated not to get the gift.

Accepting and thanking in the first group of course, not for the second that just gives them permission to disregard the parents.

There were several ways MIL could have handled this without it ending from a call from her son and her childishly hanging up because she chose to disregard them.

MIL could have easily accepted the answered that was given and offered to buy the tricycle that they wanted for their DC in six months time. The child wouldn’t have known the difference, MIL still could have purchased the tricycle and parents would have been happy. Everyone would have won.

Perhaps she thought it was a request ,not an order! Maybe as OP mentioned researching and getting one at 18 months, MIL, realising that there was no big present giving occasion between now and Christmas, did her own research and got one now for later. What is OP’s thought process. If she didn’t like it she could have just said thanks and dealt with it later. No need to be so dictatorial.

If you ask a grandparent not to do something (doesn't matter whether anyone else thinks tricycles are fine or not) and they do it anyway and you thank them for it, surely you are just setting yourself up for a lifetime of being overruled and undermined by grandparents who think they know better how to raise your child?

It's a tricycle this time, but next time it could be something more serious, where the parent has seen a danger and the grandparent disagrees, resulting in harm.

Grandparents do need to remember that they've raised their own children and now need to respect how their dc raise their own babies.

Parenting is going to be very stressful for you if you make such a drama out of everything!

Relax a little. Get a helmet and he will be fine. If he’s too small chuck it in a cupboard for a few months and bring it out later, no need to argue over it.

While I don't think MIL should have gone against the No, Op and DH said they'd research the best and didn’t.

MIL wanted to give it as a Birthday gift, child is 1 now. People make small talk "what are you getting DGC for birthday? Nothing they want me to get a trike in 6mths time" just sounds daft.

We are only in March it's the sort of thing you'd only really use in summer, so MIL probably thinking LO will get the use out of it this summer.

Next gifting opportunity is Christmas when LO would be closer to 2 than 1. 2 is when kids move on to scooters and balance bikes, rather than push along trikes.

She's a disrespectful cow OP. Your kid your rules.

Why be grateful for something you didn’t want or don’t need? Yanbu in my view.

I think you be polite and say thanks.
(But this is also the reason I'm very cynical at any amazon reviews from Grandparents)