AIBU to ask parents/carers to control toddlers in shops?

[TheOtherMrs]

Just been to do a quick shop with DH. A small child came running around a corner straight in to DHs legs. The child's mother went ballistic, screaming into DHs face about looking where he was going and threatening to hit him - she hadnt even seen what had happened!. Fortunately the child was fine and a shop assistant calmed her down, stating that DH wasn't in the wrong and that perhaps using the child seat in the trolley for the child, rather than bread, was the way forward.

It surely not too much to ask that children be properly looked after in busy shops?

I don't mind running children. I have had a few bumping into my legs and it's OK. In fairness, I never had a parent scream at me so I would probably think parents controlling themselves in busy shops is a better solution.

Sounds like the parent was the problem, not the toddler.

I don't think the target demographic for your request spends too much time on MN.

It was very lucky it wasnt my DF the child ran into. He would have fallen (been knocked) over and likely broken something. Older and fragile people shouldnt have to be afraid to go shopping just so small children can run about like they are at a playground.

This.

And if that's the case, you are on a hiding to nothing. Ask but you'll just get more screaming in your face.

Your poor husband I dont get what is wrong with some people most would just apologise and pick the little one up YANBU the mum sounds completely unhinged.

I popped into a bookshop this morning and there was a child of about 3 dragging all the notebooks off the shelf. Parents nowhere to be seen. Poor employee at the desk looked ready to go on break and never return.

YANBU. I work in a charity shop and so many parents use our toy section as a babysitter and get annoyed when I tidy up around their child, toys all over the floor are a trip hazard. We routinely find our new toys opened/stolen too.

Agree with previous poster that it sounds more like the parent was the problem rather than the child. Looks like the child was probably a running hazard so should've been in trolley seat or on reins.
My DD is 2 and loves to wander around the supermarket but I've always got my eye on her and if she does run into or come close to running into someone, I'm usually the one apologising instead of shouting in someone else's face!

My DD is 2 and loves to wander around the supermarket but I've always got my eye on her and if she does run into or come close to running into someone, I'm usually the one apologising instead of shouting in someone else's face!

She should never run into or come close to running into someone.

YANBU of course, but you can't reason with people who let dc run around in busy public places (the same people who get most upset and blame everyone else when the kid unsurprisingly gets hurt...)

If a running child bumped into my FIL’s legs, where he has bone cancer that is weakening the bones, he could well end up with a fracture that would never heal, and would put him in a wheelchair, and he wouldn’t live long after that.

If they run into an elderly person who has a fall, that could cause a hip fracture, requiring surgery and a long stay in hospital, and could well result in a previously independent person having to have a lot of care and support.

There are plenty of places for children to run around and have fun, but in my opinion, a supermarket/shop is not one of those places.

Many unpleasant and dangerous things can happen to us when we leave the house. Just the other day I fainted at my friend's place and smashed my face on her shoe rack. But I wouldn't advocate for a blanked ban on shoe racks or visiting friends because... statistics...

Ah, but shoe racks don't run around shops unsupervised, do they!

Second post nails it

Oh god I remember the craziness of toddlers running off. Op surely as others have said the mother was the problem and she probably overreacted because of the crazy stress!! A supermarket is hell with children of that age (shuddders)

I think ‘properly look after’ and ‘control’ are 2 different things when it comes toddlers.

eg I always hold my 3 year old’s hand when we’re out, but last weekend he had a massive meltdown in a shopping centre and I had to wrestle him out of there to the car.

Can we add cafes and restaurants to the list as well? When I’m carrying a tray off hot drinks and food I don’t need kids dashing around in front of me. If you want to take them out to eat or drink please accept that they should be sitting with yiu at the table,unless there is a designated play area.

Yes, accidents happen, and there are hazards in every day life, @Catza - but we still do our best to minimise the risks from those hazards, and suggesting that children shouldn’t run around in a supermarket reduces the risks to both them and other people.

You might just as well say ‘well, there are hazards everywhere, so there’s no point taking any safety precautions - why bother with car seats or seat belts, or making sure playgrounds are designed to be as safe as possible. If we are going to let children play in places that are not designed to be playgrounds, why draw the line at shops? How about factories or building sites?

Frankly, saying you don’t mind being bumped into is pretty blinkered to the harm that can be caused to more vulnerable people by a similar bump.

YANBU. Absolutely despair at how often I see kids haring around the supermarket/cafes/pubs/restaurants these days. Nobody should be running in these places, regardless of age, but too many people make excuses for it and don't think of vulnerable people who could be seriously hurt by it.

Whilst yes anything can happen at any time and we take calculated risks (assuming you don't know you have a condition that causes you to faint) this is not the same. A stationery shoe rack isn't likely to suddenly grow legs and come flying round a corner and into the surprised legs of someone else.

If a child did that to my elderly mother and her walker she would be flat on her back, most likely injured and definitely carted off to hospital (blood thinners). Are you saying my poor mother should never leave the house again, just so some lazy person can decide NOT to parent their child and use the supermarket as a playground whilst she babies her loaf of bread in the child seat of the trolley?

And to the OP your hubs is a very decent man because I'd have been right back in that stupid cows face if it had been me she was screaming at and threatening to hit.

@Catza

To compare hitting your head on an inanimate object to a child racing around a supermarket is beyond daft. Children have got no business racing around supermarkets like lunatics (which they do, and it's getting worse). Neither have they got the right to run riot in cafes, getting under the feet of servers with scalding hot food, or "sharing" their snotty noses and sticky fingers with people on other tables.

It was an accident, the parent wasn't great, but accidents happen

My boys are 4 and 6.
But I have always A) Chosen quiet times to go to supermarket and B) said to them "this is a shop/restaurant/cafe not a playground, we don't run here." They have also been as involved as possible with the shopping from as soon as they could walk. "Can you get me three carrots" "shall we find the tomatoes" I've found that if they're occupied they get up to less mischief! I do think it's important that kids participate in every day activities and eat out so they learn the right way to behave:".
My stepmum used to leave my step brother in the toy aisle and say "don't move" and go round and do the shopping then do back and collect him. 😂

The mum needs a muzzle and the kid needs to be supervised. If the kid had run into a trolley or a stack of cans, etc they could have been seriously injured. Absolutely not your DH’s fault.