AIBU to ask parents/carers to control toddlers in shops?

[TheOtherMrs]

Just been to do a quick shop with DH. A small child came running around a corner straight in to DHs legs. The child's mother went ballistic, screaming into DHs face about looking where he was going and threatening to hit him - she hadnt even seen what had happened!. Fortunately the child was fine and a shop assistant calmed her down, stating that DH wasn't in the wrong and that perhaps using the child seat in the trolley for the child, rather than bread, was the way forward.

It surely not too much to ask that children be properly looked after in busy shops?

I'm not asking that people avoid shops with grumpy toddlers. I'm suggesting that the parents/carers of the toddlers keep an eye, put them in the trolley seat or hold their hand. Realistically, it's not unreasonable to ask adults to take responsibility for their charges? Or is it?

I was going to say this and it’s a bit worrying the poster apparently doesn’t know this. It suggests either a desire to shame parents for their child’s behaviour or a lack of knowledge about children’s development.

Well, I had a toddler purposefully stomp on my broken foot (it hurt like hell) so yeah, parents should definitely control their children. And I have a 2yo myself so I know it's not easy.

Yep I could have written this. Drives me nuts.

Does anyone find the lap strap in supermarket trolleys is effective at restraining their child? Drives me mental as unless I do it so tight that it literally digs into the skin (and then she crys because it's so tight) my daughter can escape the lap belt in nano-seconds. Literally reach out to pick up some milk and she's standing up in the seat- it's so dangerous, I usually end up putting her in the main trolley so at least if (when) she stands up she can't fall out. Genuinely interested as since the newborn stage ive found the child seat useless.

When I was a kid (in the 90s), we weren't allowed to run rampant in shops and misbehave.

We were expected to hold an adult or older siblings hand.

Told not to touch.

"you can let go of my hand, but you mustn't run. Stay close to mummy."

"you can look, but don't touch."

"if you break it, we'll have to pay for it so we must be careful".

I feel especially sorry for older, frail people now as most parents seem to think it's fine for their kids to run rampant and that it's the elderly that need to watch out for their kids. A broken hip can be fatal and very easy if an older person is knocked over.

Parents let quite little kids charge around with big trolleys and I'm frequently bumped into.

And why do so many parents let their kids use scooters, hoverboards, heelies/skates in shops?! It's really dangerous and antisocial for other shoppers.

In my local Aldi in the summer there were two parents with 5 kids, one in a pram and 4 on scooters from age 8 to 2/3. They were blocking every aisle and the oldest kid went flying into the toddler and knocked them off, flat out on the floor, both scooters got scattered across the aisle in the path of other shoppers, very narrowly avoiding tripping several people up and blocking us all in the aisle for ages while mum and dad were comforting the toddler and forcing the older kid to apologise, make friends,
kiss it better etc and then of course lost control of the other little ones who were still merrily scooting about blocking people.

Why couldn't one parent have stayed outside with the scooters and/or some of the kids? Why was it more important for the kids to all have scooters than other people to be safe and able to complete their shopping without getting blocked in aisles or unable to access chillers/shelves etc?

Behaviour is ridiculous these days.

😂😂
Indeed. Sometimes toddlers are trapped in seats too much. If we have a day with lots of car journeys, I give my toddler a bit more freedom to run about. Yes, I try to do it at the park etc, but sometimes we gave errands first. If they are not wrecking the place, why can they not toddler about?

I remember going shopping with my nan in the 90s. I'd be sat in the actual trolley bit with a palm full of sugar she'd poured in from the packet she was buying so I could dip my finger in on the way round 😂

I was sat in the trolley too and given "bologna sausage" (that illuminous pink stuff with the red plastic round it) from the deli counter to chew on and keep me quiet. It worked. One day my Dad loaded up the car, returned the trolley to the trolley bay and drove home.

I was still in the trolley seat.

20 minutes later he returned to find me still there chewing on the Bologna!

"Karen" is aimed specifically at women. There's no male equivalent. It's pure misogyny and ageism.

Not sure that's fair. Kids always behave differently with other people than they do with their own parents, that doesn't necessarily mean the parents are not parenting properly.
You should have read my whole post. There was no sign of a parent for quite a while, so there was no parenting happening at all.
Children only behave better for other people because they know those people won't tolerate bad behaviour.

My 5 year old DNephew can’t be trusted with his parents or more so his DM in a shop. However, with me, in sainsburys I grasp his hand or wrist firmly state what we are getting, he can help me get certain items but he still gets very easily distracted. I do think (maybe I’m being idealistic here) that if his DM took him
shopping and showed him how she expected him to behave could he do it?

I reported her post, and it’s still there.

@Daisymae55
@KeepSmiling89

please put your little ones in the trolley. Too many head injuries with people using baskets!!

Not at all compatible. A faint is an unavoidable event if you are feeling unwell (nobody chooses to faint). But you can avoid running about in a shop.

Saw loads of this when I worked in hotels. You'd get those parents that didn't take responsibility for their kids who would be running around all over the place. Dangerous and irresponsible, simply very bad parenting. You'd think teaching good manners would be common sense but it’s not for some, sadly.

It's hardly crime of the century. People are so controlling about children in this country.

We all need to remember that and keep reinforcing that it's a sexist term aimed at silencing women.

You're asking people to control their kids on a MN post. It comes across as a moan rather than a request because it is obviously very unlikely people are going to read it and change their behaviour. Just ask the people in the shop if you are that bothered. There might be some kids with SEN though, so that could get complicated I guess. My son has SEN, but I don't let him run free for that reason as he would run into people and then probably out of the shop into traffic too. I then get judged for keeping him on reins or in a buggy, so you can't win.

I did read your whole post. That's why I highlighted the part I was responding to.

Children only behave better for other people because they know those people won't tolerate bad behaviour.

Again, that's not true.

For goodness’ sake! I don’t think the woman is talking about an 8 year old, or indeed a 3 year old running riot. My 2 year old hates sitting in the trolley so to avoid screaming I usually let her walk. She loves finding the different fruit and veg we’re shopping for. She’s 2 so she pitter patters over to them. I watch her and mostly hold ger hand but on occasion she has got free and bumped or nearly bumped into someone’s legs. Aside from the fact that it hurts about as much as a teddy bear, you’re probably more likely to be hit by someone’s trolley as her. These things are accidents and are just part of living in a society. If someone being bumped by a toddler is going to cause serious injury then that person should be taking precautions and getting their food delivered!

@takealettermsjones I have a many years of experience with children and I know you are talking rubbish. Unfortunately most parents expect nowadays have low standards of behaviour from their children.

So have you scrolled past all the posts saying that due to mobility/disability/illness/frailty it would be a big deal and they would end up in hospital?

😂

You've obviously heard of secure attachment then, with all your experience.

Ah not just me then! My son is 3, I’m 5ft and it’s been over a year since I stopped being able to lift him into a trolley. So tbh I just don’t take him food shopping as he wouldn’t let me get it done.